Monday, January 10, 2011
Jar of Hearts
So, at bedtime, she asked me if I would play the song for her on Youtube. I did.
WOW is all I can say. *wham*.
There it is, all laid out for me.
Thank You, God for the reminder - sent through my daughter. (not that I was considering, folks.... fear not!)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Looking Forward
I have always been a goal setter. Always. I know what works best for me in terms of motivation. I know how to do it. I have been professionally trained to write "Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, Time - sensitive" (AKA 'SMART') goals. (We call it a "Nursing Care Plan", but that's another story!). I know HOW to do it. But I learned something VERY important. I learned to look for the "why".
Why is this goal important?
The "why" is what will get me through the mornings that I don't *really* want to get up, and get me to bed on time, when I'd rather follow up on some Facebook statuses.
It gave me a little different perspective for this upcoming year, as I am looking forward.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Looking Back
Because of my "flood" yesterday, the focus of today was putting the bathroom back together. The big bookcase of towels and "stuff" was in the middle of the floor, and the counter was covered with miscellaneous things that got relocated in the process of drying the vents. It was all a mess, but, the bookcase was the biggest challenge to tackle. It needed to go back into it's place because the chaos was causing me a bit of anxiety as I walked into the room.
I scrubbed the floor and the baseboard and dusted the walls - not because they had been wet, but because they had been untouched since I moved that bookcase to it's "spot" nearly 5 years ago. The collection of bottle tops and little marbles that the cat had lost underneath it were swept away, and floor clean, I could move it back.
It needed dusting. I grabbed my cloth and went to work, starting at the top. Each piece in there has a story. As I picked up each on, the memories returned. There was the bear figurine that my friend Karen gave me for my birthday the year she died. And the porcelain gift box that was hers that was given to me after she died. The three brass candlesticks reminded me of my family, and the Trinity, and all I have learned over the years about ropes with three cords being stronger than those with only one or two. The picture of my eldest nephew - first born grandchild - from 13 years ago, some maracas from Peru or Nicaragua, I forget which. A basket from Africa. A shell ornament from a women I worked with in North Carolina, and my treasured Willow Tree Angels - Healing and Love.
Moving down a shelf, I found my cloth up a clay statue of a kneeling women I made my first time in New Mexico, and bits of turquoise from when I returned several years later. I found the turquoise necklace that was a string of turquoise beads that I had put a clasp on. That I placed around my neck. I don't know how long it's been since I've worn it, but when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I said "I remember that girl!"
There was a cross that I had made from twigs of an old pine tree that I sat below and pondered life and my part in it. It stands up on a rock I gathered in my soul-searching trip to Chaco Canyon (NM), but I sat up a similar one beneath that pine tree. Another cross I stumbled upon was my first. I searched for it in the mercado the summer I spent in Mexico. I don't remember exactly WHERE I got it, but I do remember heading there with the intent of buying one.
The rings that say "Wisdom", "Courage" and "Strength" that were in my pocket the day I returned my wedding ring to the altar in front of which I was married, I picked up and wore on my hand for a while as I continued to walk through the journey.
As I think back through it all, it just completely amazes me.
The grace and guidance and love and protection of God I will never completely understand, but I am grateful to have experienced a bit of it.... and for the moments I have keen awareness of His presence in my life.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Following Directions... no matter how odd
I had been hurried out of my bathroom. From time to time, the toilet runs...needs a little jiggle of the handle,... you know the situation. But, I'd hurried out and gotten distracted in the kitchen.
I ran back to my bedroom to get the charger for my cell phone, so that it would be ready when we had to leave about 30 minutes later. As I step into my bedroom, I hear the toilet running.... so I walk over to jiggle the handle... and step into a puddle.
"No! No! No! No! NO!!"
I was a good four to five feet from the toilet itself. Quick jiggle, and it stops. I grab every towel I own and begin throwing them on the floor - especially around the heat/air vents. The water has moved all the way across my bathroom, and found it's way under the big book shelf that holds the towels, some jewelry and miscellaneous nick-nacks. After damming up the water, I tilted it first in one direction and then another, to place a thick towel beneath it to dry the portion in contact with the ground.
Certainly not what I had planned for the afternoon, but aside from the now wet towels in the tub, disaster averted.... or so I thought.
Walking back into the kitchen, muttering under my breath, I pause at the thermostat.
"Turn it up, dry out your vents"
So I did.
Typically, I'd leave it at that - the two vents that got wet are the two most prolific when it comes to air flow.
"Now check them."
I paused. "Seriously?"
"Check. Them."
So,.... I did.
And then I cussed. Oh yeah. Big and bad.
No, couldn't possibly be! And thus began my opportunity to second guess myself. I placed a tissue over the narrower vent to SEE the airflow that I apparently couldn't feel. No go. I went to two other vents - which were, of course, flowing beautifully.
(I'm pretty sure I cussed again as my brain went into overdrive trying to problem-solve)
"Now what?" I asked aloud.
I stuck my arm down the larger of the two vents, and found standing water that came up over my wrist. *sigh*
I tried to get the fish-tank vacuum to siphon it out. No luck. I wracked my brain
"Stick something down, absorb it and wring it out".
"Seriously??" OK, God, You've given me some pretty odd directions in the past, but this one... I tried to think of all of the cool medical tools I'd have access to at the hospital... heck, I'd have given my eye teeth for one of the contraptions they us to pull fluid off of someones chest... but no. No thoracentesis tray. Absorb it with something, You say... like a sheet?
So, I found a piece of cloth I was willing to throw out if need be, and stuck it down the vent. I removed it soaking wet, and wrung it out into the large trash can. I stuck it in again... and again.... and again.... and again. Gallons of water....
FINALLY... airflow! And no water that I could feel - despite sticking my arm down the vent, all the way up to the armpit! YES!
Now, to the second vent. As I crammed my arm into the smaller vent, pulled out the wet fabric, wrung it out and started again, I began to try to think through the next steps? I've had a tetanus shot, so these scrapes on my arm should be OK with a little soap and water. Air is on, so that will help dry them out. But is there anything else I need to do? (Will it be OK?) Who would I call?
I paused there when I realized, I was considering my options... I had SEVERAL people I could call! What a gift!! But, who would be most beneficial? Do I know anyone who works on HVAC or ductwork? (besides the people who replaced some of it not long ago?)
I was overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how blessed I am. There I am mopping the water out of my air vents, and even though I am the only one sticking the cloth in and wringing it out, I am not alone in this. Thank You God!
But seriously now, who should I call?
"Ask your pastor, he'll know who to ask..."
So, I texted him. He did kn0w someone who works on HVAC. And sent me the number. And I called.... and he walked me through the rest of it.
(One day, I'm sure I will look back and laugh.... one day.....)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Starting the Day
And, since I recently read an article about morning being the BEST time to exercise, I decided I would make that my morning routine... I set my clock for 5:15, with the intention of waking at 5:30. Twenty minutes of video, a shower and plenty of time to wake my kids for school.
Except for that dang snooze button!
I had rolled over and peeked at the clock at 3:30 (and very honestly, was pleasantly surprised to find I still had 2 hours to sleep!), but then 5:30 came, and it was a struggle.
I did manage to get up about ten minutes "late", and popped the DVD into my laptop, and stood at the end of my bed. There we began. It wasn't all happy and joy - but it did get done!
I also recently heard that it will improve my efforts if I make an "appointment" to schedule the time to work out. So, pull up the calendar and set up a "repeating event". Every morning. 5:30. I have a workout appointment with Jillian. And that's what it says "Jillian".
God willing, the next few days will be easier. Especially because there is a "bedtime" also scheduled.
Crawling out of bed was difficult, but it really set a wonderful pace for the rest of the day!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
"....And Mom and Dad Can Hardly Wait...."
It's time too... :)
I enjoy the break, and I enjoy my kids.... but I also enjoy the structure that them being in school provides for us.
So, winter break is officially over, and we begin the Spring Semester!
(THANK YOU GOD!)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Re-entry and Reunion
On the ride home, I am sure I heard, "Mom," about eight zillion times. Fortunately, this time I was prepared. There were no "have to do" 's awaiting me. There was dinner. That was it.
I think the fact that they can text me at will now helps to eliminate some of the "re-entry syndrome"... and perhaps the fact that they are older.
Either way, I'm glad they're home.
Thank You, God for my kids.... they are the greatest blessing!
Monday, January 3, 2011
All Things New...
It is the second half of it that "gets me". In light of conversations that have been popping in up in my life, stories that have been shared about listening and following instructions and not ignoring the instinct to fly, and comments I have read about "suicide by lifestyle", it was especially powerful that night.
In my search for they correct lyrics, I stumbled upon Nichol's blog entry regarding this song. She mentions that the chorus is a reference to Revelations 21 - Jesus return and the establishment of a New Heaven and New Earth - Nichol's comments about this reference being more of a renewal to what is supposed to be rather than a total recreation reinforced the conviction that hit me on the way home.
As I sang the words, ".. and we won't be afraid, as we long for the day, You will come and make all things new..." there was a resounding unanswered question in the car with me:
"Then why do you resist My instruction and guidance to lead you in that direction NOW...?"
Doh!
Revelation 21: 1-5
And I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more ... I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold the dwelling of God is with men ... He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall mourning nor crying, nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away... And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."
Sunday, January 2, 2011
First night...
It's something I have been wanting to do for a while.... finally, an opportunity.
Sitting by the fire, quietly soaking my feet in some Rosemary-Mint Fizzee water, and just thinking back on the day, the plans for tomorrow, and just taking it all in.
In this quiet, He will meet me, I am sure of it.
As the Cooling Mask finishes on the feet, I will take a moment for some self care and pampering.
And then, I will call it a night, say my prayers and drift off to sleep.
Funny, the things we long for.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
For some it is a time of hope. A time to put the old behind and look forward to the new.
And, as I think about this - and don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good sit-down-quiet-introspective-and-reflective time - I think it is important.... but the more and more I think about it, I am aware of all the lost opportunities I have to do so.
His mercies are new EVERY day. They day is new EVERY morning. My hopes and dreams are reborn, and the struggles of the previous day are just a little farther away.
So, as I look forward into this New Year, I wish to remember that I have this opportunity EVERY day. May I make the best of it!
And, may You show me what You would have me do in this new year!
Happy 2011!
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Life in the Dead of Winter
I have to agree, those moments when hope and "new life" have sprung up during the midst of my long winters... wow. They have definitely been God-breathed. I am grateful for them.
I am grateful also for the hope and life that was breathed into the world - in the midst of it's "dead of winter" - so many years ago.
Thank You, God...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A Little Something New
I'm excited.
And right now, that's all I can say....
YIPPEE....
and
Yea God!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Day to Look Back and Look Forward
I intend to set daily, weekly, and monthly goals as well...
As I think back, it has been quite a year.... much joy and much struggle.
Our needs continue to be met. We have a wonderful community of which we are a part.
We are blessed beyond our wildest imaginings!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Settling in With a Good Book
So, after being tucked into bed, I pulled out my book. "The Heartmender" by Andy Andrews. I had gone into the bookstore to find a copy of "The Noticer", by the same author, as a gift for a new friend. When I got to the shelf where it would be, there, at eye level, was the new book by the same author. I had really enjoyed "The Noticer", so I reached for it, and then saw the title. "Ugh!" I rolled my eyes. "OK. OK. I'll get it....."
So, I began reading....and loved it.
Tonight, I am going to do the same....sneak into bed a little early and pull out another book from the stack I have by my bed.... We'll see what catches my eye!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Back to the Grind....
I look forward to returning on one hand.... the 4 am alarm clock is going to be disturbing, to say the least, however....
I pray the transition goes smoothly, and God's presence be shown in some small way...
Guide my hands, my thoughts and protect my heart....
And, as You always do when I am there.... remind me how blessed I truly am.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Different Christmas
My son reportedly woke up in the wee moments before 4 am - but stuck to his training: "DO NOT WAKE MOM (before 7)". :)
The day started with me breaking a string on my daughter's new guitar, and spending 2 hours trying to activate my son's new phone. From there, I just pulled the covers over me on the couch and ended up falling asleep.
The afternoon was uneventful, and allowed for discussion of how blessed we truly are. We set ringtones and took pictures for wallpaper. We spent the day together as a family.
It was a good Christmas....
I'm grateful.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Visions of Sugarplums
I then need to hang my own stocking, secure the cat, and re-place the milk by the fireplace. The cookies are in place for Santa's visit.
My kids have worked every angle trying to see if we could open presents early - and if not that, could they at least SORT them before 7am. "uhm, no." They each have something to keep themselves occupied until the "reasonable hour".
We'll see if they - and then, by default, I - make it until then....
My son says "REALLY, I just want to wake up early to wish Baby Jesus a happy birthday!". Uh-huh. Good answer, though....
Me, I'm penciling in my nap early afternoon....
Merry, Merry Christmas!!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Opportunities to Serve
I feel fortunate to have had similar experiences today: Two unexpected opportunities to serve - in the smallest and simplest of ways, yet apparently meaningful to them, and definitely inspiring to me.
My first opportunity arrived shortly after lunch. I was standing in line to purchase two items. The area where we were standing seemed crowded and chaotic. I was second in line. I noticed an elderly woman carrying a shirt that she had picked up. Her gait was steady, but seemed a bit labored. I wondered if she'd had a stroke previously, and was having to consciously move each step. She appeared to be wanting to cut through to the other side of our line, so as she approached, I stepped back, and gestured her through with my hand.
With that, she paused and looked up for the first time. She looked right at me, like I had given her the greatest gift ever. And she kept looking. Finally, I said "hello...." and nodded. She nodded back, and turned to face the front of the line.
I laughed to myself, then. Thank You, God for giving me the opportunity to serve and be gracious without even having to think about it. Literally, a "God doing for me" moment. Not only was He helping me help someone else, but He was changing my perspective.
From there, we headed to the grocery store. We needed a few things - you know, the obligatory "snow-is-in-the-forecast-bread-and-milk-run". (Actually, it was only milk and dinner!) Down one of the aisles, we were given another opportunity.
We had begun to move our cart around a restocking cart. On the other side was an elderly gentleman in a Marines jacket. He wore two hearing aids and was riding a motorized cart. We backed up, pulled back into our "lane", and allowed him to pass.
Our paths crossed several times as we shopped. The third time, near the dairy section, he laughed as we nodded and said "I can't find what I'm looking for". Typically, I would have smiled, but no, not today. "What are you looking for?" I asked. "Refrigerated pie crusts, I have frozen ones, but I wanted the other," he said, "they used to be over there", and pointed behind him. "Yes, they did...", I replied, as I continued in that direction.
As I walked pasted the cheese, heading toward the refrigerated rolls, I thought to look. There they were. I called to my son. I was going to ask him to bring them to the man on the scooter-cart, but when I looked up for him, I saw the man, riding back to check again. I caught his eye as I held up the box, "these?"
His face lit up, which caused me to smile. "Thank you!" he said.
No, sir.... thank You!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Cookie Redo....again...
So... rather than send lead-than-par cookies tomorrow, I will make some and mail them.
Though I would love to hear the story of my grandmother's expression and commentary as she eats a cookie that she made for me when I was my daughter's age, I would prefer for the cookie to truly be edible.
So, back to the grocery store for better butter, and I'll try again...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
A Day to Enjoy
There isn't anything *really* on the schedule....
Just some time to enjoy....
Life is good.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Waiting....
"Can we just open our presents NOW, Mommy?" they ask. "No...."
It's been good for me, actually....
I tend to be a "bit" impatient myself (My boy would ask, "a BIG bit?" and I'd have to agree....). It has been a good reminder to me that there are often reasons for me to wait. Many of which I don't FULLY understand.
So, wait we will....
(oooh... it's getting exciting!!)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Silent Night
I was PARTICULARLY excited because my daughter got up and signed with them. She had told me she wasn't going to... but....
She did.
Thanks to another mom who jumped in and encouraged her in a way that I - as her mother - could not.
Thank You, God, for my church family.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wheels and Deals....
My daughter wanted to go Roller skating. I have too much invested in the use of my arms to risk breaking one at the moment, so I opted to watch. So did Grandma. My boy decided he preferred electronic amusement. This was his "deal".... He wanted to eat Chinese food for dinner. So patiently he let his sister enjoy her skating.
Grandma took the kids Christmas Shopping, which they loved! (of course!) Didn't even have to wait a few more days to open the gifts - Grandma's "deal"... saves the paper, time and effort wrapping them...
Finally, Chinese food dinner. Which is sort of a tradition in my family of origin. The boy would fit right in to that! The girl settled for some sushi and some dessert.
It was a nice day of family time and learning about "reciprocal relationships"...
Thank You, God for applicable life lessons stuck right in the midst of some fun!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Ahhhh.... Break!
We're looking forward to some downtime, hanging out with Grandma.
I'm looking forward to a few "no alarm clock" days.
I am so grateful for this time of year. A little break. A pause. A time to reflect on what is important.
And then.... A new beginning.
Thank You God for new beginnings.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Purple!
Three more months of hard work, and a bunch of strain on my left ankle and foot. But... surprisingly enough, taking care of it - stretching, being mindful of it, supporting it has helped it to heal. I can't go and full-fledged "rest" it, because, well, I'm much too stubborn for that. But I am doing what I can, it is improving....
Anyhow, I am now a purple belt. Tomorrow night, my daughter will receive her purple belt as well - and my son his red belt!
I am so grateful that we are able to do this together as a family. I am so grateful for the positive characteristics and lifestyle habits that we are developing.
Thank You, thank You, Thank You, God for bringing it into our lives....
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Preparing for Grandma
The kids are excited. I am excited.
There is much to do.... collect my van, prepare the house.... but hey.... it's all good. We can "prepare" when she gets here as well.
Safe journey for my mother, as she ventures out to visit us!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Preparing for Ice
I was pleasantly surprised to find milk and bread at the grocery store - but perhaps I hit the timing just right - I don't think the FULL FLEDGED warnings had emerged, AND, perhaps people were still well stocked following our recent snow 'storm'.
I have to admit, there is still a little Yankee part of me that giggles at the thought of school being canceled for an inch of snow (or a threat of snow). BUT, there is also the realistic part of me that has seen the real dangers on the roads following the snow.
AND, I have seen that snow and ice - and even 'wintery mix' - are very different. So, as I read my "alert" on my phone, calling for perhaps a 1/4 inch of ice to arrive in this area, I began to think: Do I have food? Yes. Do I have food that does not need to be cooked? Not so much. Flashlights? Yes. Alternate heat? Yes (have I mentioned how much I love my fireplace yet??) Fully charged cell phones? Will do.
And that is all I can do. The rest is up to God. He knows whether we'll get snow or rain - or ice. He'll know how long it will last and the effects it will have to this area.
I can prepare, but I have to leave the outcome to Him.
I can also pray that he keeps us all safe...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Low Key
But, unfortunately for them, though the inch and a half of snow had kept them out of school, the wind had blown the snow off of the best sledding hill known as Linnwood Lane.
We came in and had hot chocolate and aside from some gift wrapping and nap in the chair (by the fire!) with my girl-child - which I might add was the highlight of the day from a Mom-perspective! - the day was very low key.
Grateful for that. I needed one.
(oh, and the other bit if 'productive' for the day - I gave the mechanic the A-OK to fix the van)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Not as I Had Planned
It started with my minivan dying on the interstate. I fear it is a horribly fatal death and not a resurrectable one.... but we shall see... perhaps the mechanic will be in tomorrow to pronounce it's fate. Perhaps not. It snowed.
I was on my way to my son's baptism. He was to be baptized at his dad's church. When his dad picked me up - because fortunately, the van died right near there - he let me know that he would ALSO be baptized. wow.
The drive home - in a borrowed standard-shift pick up truck (had to pull that skill set out from the far recesses of my brain....) - was draining. It had snowed and was snowing. The roads were slick, and I was in a vehicle that wouldn't have been my first choice to drive.
BUT... when I look back. It couldn't have been more perfectly timed. Really. Yes, it would have been delightful for the van to still be running... but...
If it had to die, it couldn't have been in a better place, at a better time. And, if I have to buy a new one.... which I very well may.... once I wrap my brain around having a car note, it'll all be good.
AND... No school because of the snow.... wahoo!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Gift of Time
Time to sort through piles of clothes that are too small for my children - sorting them to groups to distribute to others.
Time to make another batch of my grandmother's cookies.
Time to move some things around, and time to throw some things out.
It's a day I've been anticipating for a while.... and it has been a joy.
I should even have some time to ready before I call it a night.
Yea God!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Connecting the Dots
It's a phrase I hear often, as he explains how two things are linked together.
It's also a phrase I feel like God is showing me lately. Things are inter-related - or perhaps parallel each other in a way that they sort of "mirror" each other. Sometimes the changes are easier to make in the mirrored image. But, when they are done, they also help to break the chains in their paralleled scenario.
This connects to that, which relates to the other thing. As one area heals and grows, so does the whole.
Movies portray a hope of a future, and face to face conversations seem to encourage both.
Dots are connected, pictures become whole. And once the image is clear, choices can be made more confidently and with greater assurance that they are correct decisions.
There is hope and God speaks clearly as He connects the dots in my life.
Chains are broken. Steps are taken. Wounds are healed. Lives are changed.
Thank You for connecting the dots....
Friday, December 10, 2010
Peace and Contentment
The day itself hasn't been all peace and contentment. This morning was a mental battle in MMA. I alternated between "I know this is good for me", "push yourself", "You're getting stronger!" and "OK, Jesus... now would be a good time to return." It helped that the person on the other side of the bag was enthusiastic and I was motivated to continue on with gusto.
And then, there was art class - helping at the school. Then a house full of kids before the kids karate (and my time behind the desk at the karate school). Wrapping it up with The Bedtime Routine.
And now - after some time finishing up the Christmas cards - there is peace. Quiet. Solitude. Warmth. Shelter. Contentment.
Ah, yes....
Thank You, God....
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sending Cards
I love it.
I will admit, I do send a lot of cards...but... I also love it when I *receive* cards as well. It's an interesting list of recipients. There are friends from high school, friends from college. Church friends, neighborhood friends. There is a woman who was my camp counselor, and there is a woman who was my camper. There are college professors, high school teachers. My high school boyfriend's grandmother, and an ex's step-father. And, the man who bought my house when I got divorced.
As I sit and place picture-cards in envelopes, and attach address labels and return address labels on each card, I think back through the years. I remember the person and how they have impacted my life. I wonder what each person is up to - especially those I haven't heard from since last Christmas. As I seal it, I say a quick prayer that the card will find them healthy, happy and aware of the blessings in their lives.
It takes some time, but I love the moments I receive as I open the cards, read the holiday letters and get updates from those people who have touched my life through the years.
Thank You, God, for all those You have sent beside me.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Nap...
Inevitably, I sit down by the fire on these cold, cold days, and I am lulled into this deep restful state. Some days it's just a few moments of closed eyes, another day, it was a full 30 minutes with my legs swung over the arm of the chair and a half.
It's wonderful.
Who knew...?
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
BRRRRRRRRR.....
It makes me wonder what kind of winter we'll have. My kids (and I!) hope that we'll have one (or two!) days where we can really sled like we did last year. That was really a lot of fun! It's not a typical Tennessee thing to do, so the fact that we got to was VERY special!
I like the bits of cold - the briskness in the air. I like the flurries. But I also like the fact that typically it gets ABOVE freezing during the day - "typically". Doesn't look that way for this upcoming week. But only God knows for sure.
I'm grateful for our house. That we have heat and shelter. We have warm clothes and warm food.
We are truly, truly blessed!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Quite Time By The Fire
It was one of those delightful moments. I look forward to more of them as the hustle and bustle of the season slows a bit. Already I can see the calendar having a LITTLE more empty space in the boxes.
Yes, there will be another rush of excitement as grandma arrives and we celebrate receiving new karate belts... But then, it comes to a crashing halt!
In the mean time, I hope to spend more moments like I had this afternoon. Quiet time by the fire. Peaceful. Joyful. Still.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Christmas Gatherings
I remember the first time I opened my home.... it was "the womb house"... over Labor Day weekend...to a group of people I'd never met before...
I am an introvert - and rather shy, so inviting people to my home does not come naturally. What comes naturally is curling up with a book - or perhaps now, a web-browser - and spending a quiet evening to myself.
But when I moved to this house... that very first Christmas-time.... I felt the urging to open my house again. Once again, it was mostly people I didn't know.
Through the years, it has become a "tradition".... and I love it! I have also enjoyed watching the gathering evolve. As the kids have grown, they have become more participatory, and a "kid party" has emerged. They snack and play as the adults snack and talk.
It's something I look forward to every year.... it gets written on the calendar in early to mid fall... and every year, I sit back and think....
huh.... my house. No way. :)
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Girl Party
They burp (at least!) as much as boys their age, and they're just as active.... They DO *plan* a party a little more than the boys did.... as evidenced by the suitcase of "hot" shoes that one of them brought for the Celebrity Wedding game.
The other thing that girls bring to the table that the boys didn't is the SHRIEKING! Seriously. Ouch.
I've officially celebrated this year with both children now. Last of the single digit years.
It has gone quickly.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Little Details
As each of them gets taken care of, I realize that life becomes more and more enjoyable and productive.
I also realize that details are important... very important!
Thank You, God, for focusing in on the details of my life and being an active participant there!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
" Believe "
I gravitate toward it.... and it seems to find me.
" Believe " encourages me.... challenges me.... inspires me.
I decided a few years ago to leave the "Tis the season for Believing" up all year 'round. Cause it is.
It's a good reminder for me...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas....
I've created the list of "to do's" that need to happen in the next 3 weeks before school is out...
The time will fly, I know it will....
Yet, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of what is The Christmas Season, I find myself having those moments of "ahhhhh...."
Those moments of snuggling a child.... or a cat. Sitting by the fire for just a few minutes.... An evening where "EVERYTHING" doesn't have to be done "RIGHT NOW!"....
I like that...
I also like the fact that despite the pace that the next few weeks will try to initiate, the decorations, and the excited anticipation remind me of what we are REALLY waiting for....
Not so much Christmas-the-21st-Century-holiday, but Christmas-the-birth-of-the-King....
There is Joy in that... and Peace in that.... and much Love in that....
Monday, November 29, 2010
Bob - The Tarantula
She named it Bob.
I love it.
And I love her....
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Random Thoughts
There are pieces that I am sure fit together, but I'm not sure exactly how yet.
Little scenarios keep repeating in my head as I review the day.... Situations people have found themselves in, choices they have made...the consequences of those choices that they are living out.
Some situations I can relate to.... others are so far from what I consider "logical" or "reasonable", I wonder if what I have seen or been told really happened as such. And then I see ongoing choices and realize it's probably so.
Once again, I consider myself truly, truly blessed!
Thank You God for some perspective!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
In The Hope for Balance...
It was a long and busy day.
In the hope for balance, I'm cutting this short...
May your day be blessed, as we transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas.... seemingly overnight!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Nine.... Unbelievable!
It's hard to believe. Nine years ago, November 26th was the Monday after Thanksgiving. I got up early to head to the hospital for dawn. I didn't sleep a wink the night before... I knew it would be the last time I would feel them kick. I wondered what they'd look like, what their personalities would be... whether they would sleep at the same times.
It's gone quickly, and they grow fast!
I have enjoyed watching them grow. Enjoyed less them testing the waters to see exactly where the lines have been drawn. I know there is still more of that to go, as life moves forward.
They have been a gift to me. The greatest, most wonderful gift!
Thank You, God, for my children!!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
I've nearly finished my Christmas shopping... there's one or two more things to pick up, and I still lack the preparations and mailings, but...still.... I'm grateful for that, but...
What I am really grateful for is God's active presence in my life...
While I was out shopping, I found this framed cross with some words behind it. I couldn't quite make it all out, but I really liked it. Couldn't find a price on it either... but nothing else around it was expensive...so, I put it in my basket.
When I got home I figured out exactly what it said. Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
OH yes.... those are words I can use....
Wasn't QUITE sure where it would go... until I hung my curtains in my bedroom and found the nail hole.
OK, Lord.... I'll hang it there...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A Tree of Memories...
Our Christmas Tree is up.... it's not decorated - yet - but it is standing and the lights are on. Every year, I am reminded of the traditions in my family growing up, and hope to be instilling some sense of that in my children. By my daughter's response, I assume that I am.
My plan was to put the tree up on Thanksgiving. I kinda have an issue about putting it up before then.... but...
My girl wanted to help me decorate it. Every year, we put up our tree - with Christmas Music playing (and me singing!).... that is something I carry forward with me from my youth. My extended family would sit and sing carols on Christmas Eve... I just sing when I'm decorating these days.
Once the tree is up and the lights are on, I start opening boxes of ornaments. There is quite an array by now. There are the home-made ones that the kids have created since pre-school. Each one hangs the ones bearing their names.
There are ornaments of each of their smiling faces one for every year since they were born, and an ornament that carries the picture from our Christmas Card for the past nearly 10 years. Also in the mix are ornaments I have collected through the years. I try to limit it to ONE that best describes the previous year, or one from a special trip that we have taken.
I have ornaments that were gifts from friends, and others that represent my hometown, and my years in North Carolina. As I take each one out, I remember the story, person, place or event that is attached to the ornament.
It's a fun time for me... It's an opportunity to walk through our years with grateful hearts as we celebrate and anticipate the coming of Christmas.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Seeing Things Anew
I had cleaned off the counter under the windows in the kitchen, taken everything off of the walls.... it looked like it did the day we moved in. Wow. (that's been a while!) It looked a little bare...
But WOW.... as the men put in window by window, I was amazed! The transformation was phenomenal! It inspired me.
I dusted every nook and cranny that I could get to. I wiped woodwork, and moved furniture around.
I picked out the dresser and headboard for my boy.... not that I am going to buy it... (yet....)
Having new windows to look through, put a new perspective on things....
Makes me excited for the next project...
Monday, November 22, 2010
It's Coming Quickly...
It's coming quickly....
The time for my windows to be installed (nope, not 100% ready!)
Time for birthdays and Christmas...
Along with the birthdays comes the reminder that my children are growing into young people that will soon need some greater insight into the ways of teens... including "the talk"... (not 100% ready for that one either!)
Thanksgiving is closest on the radar - but easiest in my grand scheme (show up to work on time with a couple of 2-liters. I can do that!!)
But, then again, there is Christmas and all that it entails. There is much about it that I love, even if it adds a few extra items to the To Do list.
It is coming quickly.... there is much to do.... I could easily get caught up in the rush of it....
But...
Somehow, after my visit to Ohio, I am trying to take a few minutes every day to just sit and be still...sometimes alone, sometimes with my children, always with God...
Sunday, November 21, 2010
If You Can't Beat 'em, Join 'em....
Perhaps it was because I WAS standing tight to a conviction: "You boys need to settle down and GO TO SLEEP!!"
We'd started the bedtime routine a little early - especially for "sleep over" standards - but I knew there were two that were likely going to opt to return home. May as well go ahead and get that done before their parents went to sleep. The movie had ended, and 9:30 seemed like a reasonable time to declare sleeping locations. Those two did elect to return to their parents, so I was left to corral 4 boys toward their sleeping bags.
An hour later, I wished them good night, and headed to bed myself. Honestly, I was thrilled... not bad AT ALL for a sleep over. They were chatting still, but the lights were out and they were in their own bedspaces. One had actually claimed the couch away from the others, since he was REALLY ready to sleep.
And that is where it all fell apart. Close to midnight, I heard them. They had moved from the playroom to my son's room - to play ONE LAST GAME of Beyblade. Trust me, I went back and forth between "This is a sleep over party, cut them some slack" and "GO TO SLEEP!!" I did ask them to turn down the volume of their voices so I could get back to sleep, and reminded them they needed to wind down, but didn't totally put the kabash on it.
They seemed to settle a bit. Until I heard them again - awakened nearly an hour later by peals of laughter and a "hey! don't pelt me with that". "GOOD NIGHT, BOYS!!" I called across the hall. They hushed.
Two AM, awakened by the sounds of running feet and less than muffled laughter, I thought I'd made myself clear when I stomped up the stairs, snapped off the TV and said "GO. TO. BED!!" I reminded my son and the other cub scout in the group that they would be exhausted during the Christmas parade the next day. I turned, leaving them with their blankets pulled up over their noses. I could NOT IMAGINE that this would not be the last time I had to do this. Seriously people!
I lay there for a while telling myself that "when *I* had a sleep over party, we stayed up ALLLLLL night...." (To which the angel on my other shoulder promptly reminded me that I had fallen asleep in the front row of a Christmas play I had gone to the next day with my girl scout troop.... snoring and drooling no less...) Oh yeah, and I was also thirteen!
But, the pièce de résistance occurred approximately 3:30 am, when I heard dishes clanking, followed by the unmistakable beeping of the microwave. I hollered to my son.... "WHAT are you doing?" His reply was that his friend was "starving". His "morning snack" was finished, but my son's was prepared to go INTO the microwave. "oh no...." He returned the Sloppy Joe sideshot thing to the freezer, as I'd instructed, and later informed me that they had decided to share the aforementioned previously prepared one.
I pretty much lost my mind by that point, and then wondered why I hadn't thought of this earlier. "If you can't beat 'em, Join 'em...."
I grabbed my pillow, pulled the blanket off of my daughters empty bed and climbed the stairs. As I walked into the playroom, I said "Move." to the kid closest to the door. There I lay my pillow, and then myself. As I pulled up my blanket, I said "next kid to talk gets relocated" - living room.... China.... didn't much matter to me at that point. All I could think about was how miserable the parade would be - a tired boy whining to a tired mom.... bad combo.
But, funny how it worked.... in less than seven minutes, they were snoring and *I* had relocated ... back to my bed.
AND, due to the Grace of God - nothing else could have ensured this! - there was no whining to a tired mom. (Now the mom DID gripe a bit, until she ran into a woman who assured me that I was 'making memories'.... oh yeah...)
One memory, I am writing into my 2011 planner. In November:
" ' Join them' ... sooner rather than later....."
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Boys....
Friday, November 19, 2010
Transformation
The playroom was the next to be rearranged. The toys were sorted and thinned... Furniture has been rearranged, and the scatter rug has been rolled up.
The only kicker.... Now that it has been straightened and rearranged, it will be invaded by a group of 9 year old boys!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Rearranging...
I am so excited..... on SOOOO many levels.
It will be a wonderful opportunity to really clean those areas.... I have to move all the beds, remove all the drapes and the mini-blinds. The torn screens will be hole-less and I am very curious to see how it effects my electric bill.
I will also decide if I will keep the furniture in the same configuration - primarily in my bedroom and my daughters. I have ideas that I would like to try....
I would actually like to do it soon.... but.... first, I have a birthday party to prepare for!
Though, I may... JUST MAY... move MY bed....
Right now....
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Grateful for MMA
I went from my teaching job toward the karate school in a fairly bad mood.... mostly because I had to kill some time, and wasn't able to be where I wanted to be... well, I could have, but not under circumstances that I cared to experience.
So, I tried to think of what needed to be done before the weekend, when my boy-child celebrates his birthday. Ah yes... paper products and goody bags. So I began that adventure.
As I did, I remembered my friend's recent prayer session that I got kicked out of. I laughed aloud, and began a similar session.
I had bought some chocolate to add to the goody bags, and began to crave a piece... which, of course you know leads to another....
I remembered the Mosaic song "Live in Victory" that I had interpreted over the weekend. Basically, it said that I could resist temptation if I ".... call on Christ who strengthens me...."
So I gave that a whirl.
I was still annoyed, though....
BUT... then there was MMA. Some aerobic exercise and a good dose of kicking later, I feel great.
Ready to sleep and then begin a new day.
Thank You, God for my MMA....
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Re-entry
May I not forget what I witnessed on my trip. May I continue to trust that seeds have been planted.
May they continue to grow...
Monday, November 15, 2010
Let the Processing Begin
The music was powerful. We had talked about the events of the weekend the previous night. Throughout the worship service, we kept experiencing "God moments", when He would make his presence known.
As the band played Mighty to Save, I could see the slide show flashing through my head. People we had met, situations we had laughed over.... or cried over. The moments of prayer and of conviction.
Those tears that appear (that I'm so famous for!) came rolling down my cheeks.
As the songs continued, a lyric would pop up that perfectly fit a situation we had experienced, or connected the dots between them.
Over and over and over again, God showed up. On our hands, on our faces, in our hearts, and in our arms outstretched toward Him.
And now, I am home.
Let the processing begin....
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Willing Hands and Willing Hearts
I had stopped to consider the path that had taken me from my first experimentation with the language, to my moment sitting in the congregation, fascinated with the interpreter.
I felt something stir when they talked about needing help in the deaf ministry. I so couldn't do that... no way. But, a willing heart and willing hands soon had me in the midst if it.
As I stood and watched the crowd, and my friend spoke about signing in concepts, I watched the lightbulbs come on. I'd glance over to see a facial expression softened, or a tear fill an eye.
I started searching for Him. I knew He was there, I could feel it....I could see Him in my friend.
She was teaching about American Sign Language, but she was also speaking of Jesus - in her words and in her actions.
I began to look around the room again. I watched His hand touch person after person. I watched the seeds being planted.
I left with hopeful expectation. I look forward too seeing - perhaps one day - the fruit these seeds that He planted will bear.
I pray that they will be watered an continue to be cultivated. I pray the relationships and friendships that have begun will continue and flourish. I pray that encouragement continue to flow in both directions.
Willing hands and a willing heart is all we had to offer. He did the rest!
And, it was amazing to witness...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Ohio - day one
We showered, shared a breakfast, and began on our way. Our deaf ministry team finished up th final touches for our workshop, which included preparing another fifteen goody bags. Our number of participants is reaching 30.
We're excited to see what God has planned, and we see that He has put and is putting us in situations where He can teach us and we can reach out to others.
For that, I am grateful.
I am also grateful for the laughter of our team, and our ability to press forward, even though it may not be the most comfortable situation.
I continue to learn.... I continue to be given perspective.
Be with us. Lead us, guide us, protect us.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Ohio
God provides and delivers, I am once again reminded.
Lead, where you would have us walk...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The. Last. Minute
I have (mostly) packed - except for the things that I need in the morning. I have the list of things not to forget to bring... or do.
*run the dishwasher
*bring the trash to the curb
*fill the cat's feeder
*empty her litter box
*place a love-note in each of my kids bags for their sleep over
All of the electronics are charging or have been charged. There is room on the camera card.
I have vacuumed.
I have my bible, and my toothbrush. There are still a few things to pick up tomorrow before we go.
And as I check things off the to-do list, I thank God for this opportunity. I have no idea what waits on the other side of Kentucky. I just know I'm going.
Willing heart. Willing hands.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Preparations
It has been really interesting to watch God at work. The latest numbers indicate there may be close to 30 people there.
We have been preparing accordingly.
Though, I have this sense that I will be unprepared for the work that He will do while we are there, and the ripple effect that will follow.
I know God is at work and I am very excited to be a part of it.... very excited.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Engraved in the Palm of His Hand
Beth Moore was talking about being "held in a tight fist of fear" - that fear that we just can't seem to wiggle our way out of. She then reminded us of Isaiah 49:16.
Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me
She says that the "engraved" is an impression that is left from being held so tightly. I liked that thought. It has stuck with me - though right now, I don't particularly feel afraid. Perhaps it's the time for it to settle into my heart so that it pops out when I need it (God willing!)
And, that was - in my mind where I was going to end this post.....
Until....
I typed the words of the verse into Google and the second half of it popped up. "Your walls are continually before me". I thought, "oh, my...." My walls are continually before Him... In that moment, reading that, I took "the walls" to mean those things that I do and say that distance me from God and others.
I'll have to look at that....
Monday, November 8, 2010
Church Family
Sunday morning was a little hard for me in the mom-arena. My daughter had just returned the night before from a girl scout overnight. She was coming off of several late night/early morning days. I knew she was exhausted.... and not quite sure she was feeling well - though she said she was.
But she'd misplaced her mittens, and I wasn't willing to be any later to continue the search for them. This led to a bit of a meltdown on both of our parts.
I was dealing with the stress (as defined as "the basic confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.") of parenting and setting limits with my daughter. As she sat nearby me - and later on my lap - I prayed over her, and prayed for me. She continued to press for what she wanted.
One of the vocalists had sat down beside me, as we shared lyrics pages. Not long after that, the bass player walked over and sat down on the interpreting box. With me sitting on the stage, my daughter was then situated in the middle of the line that could have been drawn between the adults.
As he sat down, I was reminded that I am not alone in this. I was very encouraged by the presence of these people who were at my side. Surrounding me and my daughter in the presence of God and His people.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
A Year in Review
This year has gone quickly. It's hard to believe. As I've been uploading pictures, I think, "wow... was it THIS YEAR that we had the "great snow" and were sledding down the roads in the subdivision!?"
I peruse the pictures and am amazed at how much my children have grown. I look back at our laughter and moments of simple pleasure.
I look back and see how much I have grown.
The official week of reflection hasn't started, but I've gotten a quick preview this weekend....
Thank You, God, for all the gifts you have brought to me this year - including the ones that may not have been wrapped as such when first presented...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Closer I Get....
I have been reminded of some of the things I love deep down. I have been reminded that in my core, I am a Jeans and Boots kind of girl. I love being out of doors. I love working with my hands.
I am strong, courageous and tenderhearted.
And, as I take steps toward that which feels authentic, I learn that there is more within me. I find a sweater that I love, and a blouse that has more ruffle than I'd think of myself in. Yet, that too feels equally authentic.
It's as if, as the things that I know to be true come in to clearer focus, so does the periphery that I hadn't noticed before.
Thank You for showing me, reminding me, leading me and teaching me.
Friday, November 5, 2010
For the Beauty of the Earth
We learned lots of interesting cave facts and some of the history of Mammoth Cave in Kentucky! It was fabulous
!
It was also a long day.... many hours and miles of hiking, literally, a thousand steps.
I'm not even going to try to figure out how to merge the phone-uploaded pictures with the web-based text.
Thank You, God - for the beauty of the earth...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Where Your Road Leads....
Our deaf ministry team is coming together with a plan, and we'll see where He leads. All we know is "Ohio", "workshop", and "encouragement". We are praying to keep our eyes and our hearts open for the opportunities that He lays before us.
We are keeping the words of 1 Peter 4:7-11 in front of our eyes and on our hearts as well.
Prepare us.... prepare them.... and lead us to where we must be.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Returning to My LIfe
So now.... I can return to my life.
I can get caught up on cleaning my house. I can walk my dog. I can find something to eat in my refrigerator.
And, in just a couple of days, I can get an extra hour of sleep.
Life is good....
Thank You, God!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Pressing On
I trained for a long time. I had a love - hate relationship with it. I didn't always feel like doing it, but I always felt better after I was done. And physically, I felt the best I have in a long time.
Training became the priority - for that short bit of time. It wasn't something I could keep up long-term and still meet my other life obligations. Yes, I could run - or walk - nearly every day, but I couldn't carve out those ninety minute training runs anymore...
Work is like that. It's been the priority. It has had it's purpose and it's course is running to a close. (and WA-HOO! there is time off RIGHT around the corner....LOTS of it...)
I feel almost like I did when I saw the finish line....full of energy and ready to press on to completion. But, I don't have the same 100% collapse and do nothing plan following this marathon. There are still some to-do's and preparations, so my sprint to the end is not nearly as full-on!
But, Lord, am I ready.....
Grateful....
So much....
Kids and I had a wonderful Halloween.... scoured the ENTIRE neighborhood. It's one of those markers of getting older.... no one even begged for me to carry them. :)
Work continues to provide perspective on the blessings that exist in my life - health, joy, family, connection, just to name a few.
My long stretch is coming to an end... Two more days, and then the gears shift. Perhaps not straight up "relaxing" and "nothing to do".... but at least an opportunity to do those things uninterrupted.
It's November... and that is when our celebrating begins: Two birthdays and Thanksgiving. (Which rolls right into grandma's visit, Christmas, and the New Year....)
But today... Today I will begin with gratitude.
Thank You, God...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Happy Halloween
I have been praying for safety for Middle Tennessee this Halloween weekend. Our census at work is FINALLY manageable.... but that could ALLLL change in one Partying Halloween Eve Night.
May a hedge of protection stand between the people of middle TN and all the ill that could befall them.
May we have more "Treats" than "Tricks"
Saturday, October 30, 2010
ME? Seriously?
"Uhm, ME? Are you KIDDING?"
We'll be going to a small, rural community with a couple of specific projects. I will be in the Deaf Ministry group. We plan to host a workshop, meet with some deaf people, and visit the Deaf School there.
"Uhm.... I don't even KNOW this language" (and I usually sign "clueless" as I think that...)
Everything has worked out well thus far - childcare, finances, work schedule.
"Uhm.... God I trust that you know what you are doing! This is so out of my comfort zone...."
Inhale..... Exhale....
Me? Seriously....?
Oh yeah....
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Day Off
It was productive and uneventful - and went pretty much as planned (except for forgetting my daughter's gymnastics clothes....)
It's back to the grind for a few more days.... then... it slows down.
YES!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A day of rest
It is my day of rest.
Amen and Amen.
May it and you be blessed.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
It's All Good....
It's been a long, week.... surrounding myself with the worldliness of "The Land of Trauma", is draining - physically, emotionally.
My interpreter-trained brain is very visual now. So, between that and the things I've seen lately, I have a face for nearly every thing we do in class.
But... It's all good. I know that I am in the world but not of it - this past month actually reinforces it to me.
I have seen God's mercy and blessings in some situations... and I am grateful of His provision.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Thank You for Your provision, Your protection and Your love and influence in my life....
I am very aware of all of that - even in the midst of the marathon....
Monday, October 25, 2010
Nothin' but Gratitude
I'm experiencing (more than enough) 0pportunities to work..... with co-workers that make the day (no matter how frustrating and harried) tolerable.
And....
I am, have been, and hope to continue to be VERY sheltered from some of he goings on in the world. Some of the stories I hear day to day, are unbelievable....
The miracles that occur are equally so.
Thank You, God for your protection, and your provision....
May I never take it - or You - for granted!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
an so on.... and so on... .and so on....
".... Today, I am working for the playroom windows...."
it's all good.... but I am going to seize the moment and get some rest before I have to return in the morning....
Thank You God, for the opportunity!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The "Well Oiled Machine"...
And then, I got to participate again with the group of parents setting up for the annual Fall Festival. It is the PTO's biggest fundraiser of the year! And watching the pieces fall together, as the last minute arrangements were made.
I helped set up concessions. It's where I've worked the past few years. The process has evolved and been improved as we go.
The same is true for the other areas: Games, auction, spirit wear.
It is wonderful to be a part of a group of parents who are so willing to be involved in their school. To see them work together, and watch the event bloom before our eyes.
I'm just bummed I won't be able to be there when it's "live".
I've got it covered in prayer, though.... it's the bit I can do from work...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Surrender
My divorce was final in October, so it sort of comes to the surface a little bit more. Apparently it does for my ex as well, because he is talking about it more. (which, of course, brings it to the surface a little bit more for me....)
So, as I puttered around the house, sorting through the stack of mail that had accumulated on my counter I finally stopped, looked up, and said. "Whatever we have to do to get past this, can we please just DO it and move on....?"
Apparently, that surprised me a little bit, because, I then began thinking about surrender. "Hmm... whatever it takes, I'm willing.... guess that's surrender, huh? Now what?"
I scrubbed a dish in the sink, and I knew "now what". "Ah.... those papers I've held onto for 6 years now.... Yes, Sir..." I fetched them, and the large metal flower pot, and the pack of matches. I sat on my front step, filled the pot with crumpled papers and lit the match.
I chuckled to myself as I watched them burn. The insanity of it all - having kept them for so long, and knowing I couldn't just throw them away.
I have to burn things like that. I could tear them up, or shred them, but then I would know I COULD put them back together. But this... I can't fix. I can't restore it.
The contents arise to the heavens in a stream of smoke, and all that is left is ashes. And of course, we know what God can do with ashes. I have seen it over and over again. Beauty for ashes. Isaiah 61:3.
I have a feeling we've only begun this "housecleaning..."
Whatever.... bring it...
Isaiah 61;3 (ESV)
o grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Chosen...
That concept rattled around my brain for a bit as I walked. I wonder sometimes what lies in my future... It used to bother me, and I'd wonder why... not so much anymore.
Now, I realize, I HAVE been chosen....and if Christ Jesus is the only one, in my whole life, who ever chooses me.... I'm good with that.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Debridement
OK... now that we're all on the same page....
Today, has been a day of debridement. A day when God has taken the knife to the old wounds, and started to cut out some of the old stuff that doesn't belong there - and inhibits appropriate healing. Some of the 'sugar coating' I'd added to lessen the aches and the pains of a failing marriage have been removed and the truth lays unobscured. *sigh* While time has eased the intensity of the emotion that surfaces, seeing more clearly makes me shake my head in disbelief...
What to say....? Nothing. There is nothing to say.
It is what is is, and I'm grateful to be where I am.
10th Avenue North seems to have summed this one up: "This is where the healing begins..."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Amazed....
I have a hard time believing the depths of denial that people maintain. Their lack of clear understanding. Their perception of "the easier road".
I am grateful that God holds my tongue most times when I have the urge to speak that which is not productive, useful, nor glorifying to Him.
I trust that if and when I am to speak, He will direct my words...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Blessed Beyond My Wildest Imaginings....
One I will share...
As I begin week 4 of 5 of working nearly full time at the hospital (and doing my other regular stuff...), I realize how fortunate I am to typically not be THERE full time. It's not that there is that awful.... Yes, I reminds me more frequently - thus intensely - of how much change this world really needs, and how desperately we need to - corporately - return to "one nation under God"....
But, more importantly, these weeks remind me of how fortunate I am to have a job (ok... jobS) where I can be flexible enough to still be involved in my kids lives.
Yes, I look forward to the vacation time I have coming in a few weeks, and I am grateful to have caught a quick nap earlier... But I am also grateful for the opportunity to put in a few weeks of increased time....
"....All that I've needed, Thy hand hath provided...."
Sunday, October 17, 2010
For the Birds
We laughed and laughed. Our favorite spot was the Lorkeet cage. We were given a medicine cup with some sweet liquid in it, and instructed to hold our arms out like branches, while holding the cup. As we stepped into the cage, the entire flock swarmed us. We each had 3 or 4 birds on us - on our arms, our heads. In no time, they had drained the liquid from our cups. We laughed and laughed.
We moved on to the kangaroo pen. We got to seem some joey ears poking out of a pouch, and got to pet one of the other kangaroos. Softest thing I've felt in a long, long time...
Finally, the other thing that got us laughing.... The kookaburra. We tried to trill some sounds out so that it would kick it's head back and LAUGH.
It did... twice.... and we laughed right along with it.
Thank You, God for a day of laughter....
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The Present meets the Past
It was 1978. I was eleven.
She asked again this week. I agreed. She picked it up and tucked it under her arm as we headed toward the car.
About 15 minutes into her silent reading, she spoke. "Mom. You wrote some *bad*words....." "really?" I said. I was a pretty "benign" kid, so I was curious. "What did I write?"
There was that I-am-NOT-going-to-say-THAT silence. "What letter did it start with?" I asked. "A...." she said. "Is it followed by a couple of S's?" I asked. "uh-huh...."
My son audibly gasped...
"I guess I must have been pretty mad, huh...."
"yeah.... at your DAD!" She said. (yeah, sounds right, I thought....)
More time passed. "I know why you wrote in green pen on this day...." "Why...?" "You were just starting girl scouts...." (she's probably right!)
More time passed. "You learning anything else about me?" "Yeah.... you did soccer and gymnastics too...."
It was kind of interesting hearing the perceptions of my daughter, looking back on my life - when I was just a little older than she is. Wow.
She did bring the "bad word" business up again.... which worked well.... It gave me an opportunity to let her know that was before I had learned not to say such things....
"Yeah.... glad you learned...." she said....
Friday, October 15, 2010
Fall Break
We've had one hang around the house and get things done day - I didn't get much more than a load of laundry done in terms of routine duties, but I did have another window guy come (better offer, thank You very much!), and redeemed a "free tune up" for the heat/ac unit that a friend won (and then gave me) from a school fundraiser last fall.... (turns out I need some duct work completed first....)
But, there has been more sleep and more downtime with kids - which has been enjoyable. We hope to pet some kangaroos before our break is done.
Oh yeah.... and I've got to get to the sewing.... will post a picture when THAT project is done...
Thank You, God, for some down time...
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Mine.... or His....?
And then...
Windows.
I've known I'd need to replace these one day. As I look around - and realize hot glue will only hold so long - I know the time is now. (especially with the end of the tax credit coming....)
So I called for an estimate. I knew it would be expensive. And when the man came out and measured everything, and figured the numbers, he confirmed my suspicion.
"Coincidentally", my recent extra work, and my teaching work (that begins next week!) pretty much cover it. Wonderful news! (Yea! God!)
Except.... the path that I was happily on - my goals, my plans to be debt-free - has taken an abrupt turn. Apparently, we're not taking the direct route!
I know, once all is said and done, it will all be good.... but I admit to taking a moment (or maybe even a whole day or two!) to pout, and say "that's not what I wanted!!"
I have to admit - even though right now, I don't feel like admitting it - the first thing that I thought when I realized the similarity in the budgetary lines, was ".... All I have needed, Thy hands hath provided...."
Great is His faithfulness unto me... I know.
I also know that, bottom line.... none if it is "mine", anyhow....
Maybe one day, I'll accept it, so that in the future, I won't have to waste a day or two pouting...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Making Sense of Insanity
I did the quick personal inventory as we were beginning our class with jumping (imaginary) rope - "have I been 'abusive or offensive' ? " Well, certainly, there is always room for improvement at work...
We went through our class, and I finished with a few roundhouse kicks against the bag. In the bathroom afterward, I muttered to myself, "this is insane". And finally, it made sense. I would never be able to understand the things I have been struggling with trying to grasp. They don't make sense. Bottom line.
Along the same lines, many of them will never be "OK". Abuse, assault - against oneself or another - theft, lies.... will never be "OK".
So, as I head back into the world of work, I will walk forward asking Him to be very visible to me - and through me - in the events of the day.
Use me. Let me be Your hands and Your feet. Keep my mind free of the web of insanity.
Lead me.
(and keep me safe....)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Trauma Drama
Ultimately, one question is whether it is the schedule or the drama that influences me more. It's not pretty. I have to check my attitude much more frequently, if nothing else.
The taking time away from home is definitely showing - Grateful that there are a few "home days" coming up this week! I am in need of some catch up and clean up!
BUT....
I am also very aware of what a sheltered and blessed life I live. For starters, I HAVE a home to be away from. I have a job and can meet my basic needs...and even a want or two.
I feel certain, that if I were ever injured and needed a place to stay - or people to come help me in my home, they would be there. Probably, I'd struggle more with my own stupid pride and feelings of responsibility as they insisted on doing my laundry than I would with trying to find someone willing to do it.
I have never had "nowhere to go" and "no one to call". I have never considered prostitution a viable source of income. I've never "lost everything".
My legs - and arms! - work just fine. I can eat without difficulty, and get myself to and from the bathroom. I can use my brain to "think myself out of a box".
Certainly, I have experienced "the other side" of the medical profession. Being a patient is much of what let me to nursing in the first place. But even then, it was different.
It amazes me sometimes -and I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that there are people who are so hopeless that they attempt suicide.
I go back to another Mosaic song I interpreted on Sunday:
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? It's been declared from the beginning...." (It is aptly titled "Isaiah 40")
Wow. I walk out asking Him to show me where He has been in all of this.
And there is the error in my thinking.
I need to ask Him when I walk IN to show me Himself in the day - in each of these scenarios - and to lead me where He would have me,.... in the midst of the Trauma Drama.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Out of Eden...
I got to interpret this song...
"Out of Eden" Rachel Harlow from Rachel Harlow on Vimeo.
It was interesting to be interpreting a song being narrated by God. It was good training for me if nothing else. I don't do particularly well taking on the persona of God or Christ. (Now, the person, on her knees, having messed something up, humbly asking for forgiveness (again) - that I can relate to!)
But, by the time I had listened to it several times - and sorted through the English-y poetry of the lyrics to get to the meaning of it.... wow.... I was blown away.
Since then, the chorus has been haunting my brain, playing over and over, sometimes spilling out through my mouth in song.
"I don't want [to be] out of Eden, forever....." either.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Reunion
But activities soon began and everyone felt back into the easy camp routine.
There is something special about camp. There always has been, there always will be. I am thrilled to be able to sit here on the porch swing overlooking the patio where my daughter dances the Macarena, and my boy sits by the campfire.
I remember my camp days, and secretly hope my kids love camp throughout their teen years. I would support their decision to counsellors if they chose ads well... but time will tell.
Tonight, we're all enjoying the autumn evening.
Thank You, God for camp...
Friday, October 8, 2010
Timing...
This past Monday, I missed my bible study. I expected to need to drop out, due to a change in my kids' Karate schedule. But, as one might guess, their class got changed again, so I would only miss the one week.
Tuesday, I got a work-related email, that, by most standards, is close to a year "late". It's something I'm still interested in considering - talking about and praying about. But wow, the timing is less than ideal.
Wednesday night, the rest of the Deaf Ministry was unable to meet. I had brought an armful of work to do while my kids were in their children's ministry activity. When I got there, I realized they were reshowing the Bible study video I'd missed on Monday. I opted to watch it.
Not once, not twice, but three or four times, Beth Moore said "This is about work!" She then began talking about "timing".
It didn't go unnoticed, of course, that had I seen this video BEFORE I got the email, it wouldn't have made as big an impression on me.
So... I'm curious to see where things lead...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Stating the Obvious
But then, they speak it, and there is this "ah ha!" Today, it was my friend Susan from Lila's Journey. We've never met face to face, but her blog and her art (check them both out at her blog!) have a special place in my heart. Anyhow, today she simply left a comment: "You seem like you're in a busy, busy phase now...." and I was like "wow... yeah... I guess I am..."
And I mean, COME ON! I'm LIVING it..... and it's busy. Yes. But it didn't really *register* until she "spoke" those words. (Thank you, Susan!)
And, irony of ironies.... in the midst of this, I was asked about something that I thought was never going to come to fruition. Still don't know that it will - but know I have to pray about it, and thoroughly consider what it means in terms of my time, my family and where God is calling me.
But... that will lead me into my next post.... and how amused I am by the timing of these events.
We'll have to wait til tomorrow to hear.... This Busy Girl's gotta rest.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Gratitude
What it takes away from me time-wise, it returns to me in gratitude.
I have interacted with numerous people, over the past week, who have had unimaginable tragedies touch their lives. I believe there is always a gift in the pain. But I also believe it is too soon for many to realize this.
I ask that God be with each of these people - patients and staff- comfort them, guide them and give them strength.
And me too...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
< pause >
YET ANOTHER day in the Land of Trauma.... and probably another at the end of the week....
I'm tired, and something needs to give for just a bit....
Inhale.... exhale....
zzzzzzzzz......
Monday, October 4, 2010
Catching up....
However, I am now caught up on everything but my housework. :) Thank You God....
Housework - and yardwork - come next.
I've had some time with God and some time with my children. I've had the opportunity to gather with friends.
Next week, I hope to have a few more hours on the water. God willing.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The Land of Trauma
I do know I have seen many people recently. Some are fortunate, and their lives will be inconvenienced for a brief while. Others have experienced life-changing events. Some will choose life and hope, and others will cling to the role of the victim.
I know for me, I always feel fortunate when I leave. For one thing, I GET to leave. For another, I am given some perspective. The "issues" in my life often melt away. Some of them, I realize are truly blessings.
I am grateful to be a part of this service. I am grateful for the perspective I am given. I hope to touch a life in some small way, and let You be seen in all I do.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Decisions and Pictures
I got a phone call. From that point on, I found myself more fascinated with the screensaver on the PC than anything else. It plays through the thousands of pictures on the hard drive. I've seen pictures of my kids in all stages of their lives. I've seen infants and a little boy in a tae kwon do uniform. I've seen belt ceremonies from karate, and the girl dressed up and swinging around. Toothless and hairless. Doing the things kids do.
The phone call. Their dad. My son has decided to be baptized. I am thrilled for him. It is a great day. The baptism itself will be in December at his dad's church. I just can't wait to talk with him about it when I see him next.
Thank You God, for choosing me to be his mom.... and him to be Your boy.
Friday, October 1, 2010
3rd Grade Project Solution
BUT, tonight I did find a fabulous asset tucked away in the laundry "room". A hot glue gun.
Oh, my what a life saver! (HOW did I ever get through elementary school without one??)
Granted, each of us said "OUCH!" at least once as we came in contact with the "hot" end of the instrument. BUT... SO worth the trouble.
Diorama's complete, two kids and a mom in bed before 10:15pm. How's THAT?
YES....

