Making Sense of Insanity

I had a lot of "ah-ha" 's during my martial arts class today.... and moments of conviction. It started with my voice cracking as I was going through the student creed. The emotion that burst forth was the same as the emotion that hits me when God has touched my heart with a truth. It's like God is saying to me, "that thing you just said or heard.... look at that!"

I did the quick personal inventory as we were beginning our class with jumping (imaginary) rope - "have I been 'abusive or offensive' ? " Well, certainly, there is always room for improvement at work...

We went through our class, and I finished with a few roundhouse kicks against the bag. In the bathroom afterward, I muttered to myself, "this is insane". And finally, it made sense. I would never be able to understand the things I have been struggling with trying to grasp. They don't make sense. Bottom line.

Along the same lines, many of them will never be "OK". Abuse, assault - against oneself or another - theft, lies.... will never be "OK".

So, as I head back into the world of work, I will walk forward asking Him to be very visible to me - and through me - in the events of the day.

Use me. Let me be Your hands and Your feet. Keep my mind free of the web of insanity.

Lead me.

(and keep me safe....)

The Blessings and The Curses

Sometimes life just sends me those "mixed blessings". While a day off is certainly something I could enjoy - I've got much to accomplish before we head to camp! But, in my brain, it was an opportunity for some overtime.... that I thought I had scheduled.

I don't know exactly where the communication broke down. I do know that I am glad I called to confirm it before waking up early this morning and heading in.

So, a change of plans with certain blessings and a few potential curses.

I've come to decide, though... since the only thing I can control in this is my attitude....

I will cling to the blessings and trust that God will deal with the curses.

There is much good that can happen today.... so long as I keep my eyes focused THERE.

Behind the Eight Ball

I am beginning this long holiday weekend at work behind the eight ball, sleep-wise.

So, I am trying to implement a little of what I've learned about balance, and am calling it a night with a simple prayer request:

Please pray for me this holiday weekend and for all of those with whom I interact.

May I be your hands and feet.

May I speak Your words.

Surrendering to my Humanity

I took an opportunity to surrender to my humanity today. Begrudgingly.

But, I really didn't have any other choice. (Which is usually how and why I surrender.)

I had volunteered to work the night shift for one of my coworkers so that she could go to a family wedding. Each time I work nights, I realize how much I hate it and how much it messes with my life - in very real physical ways. I feel awful! I feel like I am watching myself wander around with my brain kicking in a few minutes behind.

Typically, if I work a Saturday night, I decaffeinate myself and head to church Sunday morning- at least through the opening worship music set. About 3:30 Sunday morning, I knew there was no way I'd make it.

Instead, I spend the drive home praying - primarily for safety and wakefulness until I pulled into my driveway.

As I think about "surrendering to my humanity" - and how difficult that can be for me - and look at some of the things happening around me, I see lessons on "balance" and "boundaries" coming my way.

Rest, Rabbit, Rest

I've never read the book, but I have a friend who refers to it - by title - every time I say I am "tired", or "worn out", or "exhausted".

"Rest, Rabbit, Rest", she says.

It's also something I've been hearing a lot when I look at my schedule at work. Periodically, we have some extra shifts that are available. When I can, I try to pick up a couple. (I've got this dream, you see, of being debt-free one day!)

But, these days, it's mostly on night shift. Nights would be one thing, if it were just me, but it's something TOTALLY different with a pair of kids who a) need childcare and b) aren't always the best in letting me rest before and after.

So, I consider it briefly, and hear "Rest, Rabbit, Rest". I also think to the number of times and places and through different sources and people I have heard lately: "slow down".

So, that's my goal, this spring-time. Slow down. Enjoy the weather, the yard, the kids. Be still. Dig in the dirt. Tend the earth.

Summer will be here before we know it, and I will have kid-free opportunities to work without ceasing.

Til then, I shall "Rest...."

A Moment of Gratitude: My Job(s)

It wasn't too long ago that my perspective of what my "role" in the world is changed. Up until then, I considered myself a "Stay-at-Home Mom".

It had been a busy week, and I totaled my out-of-the-house work hours. I realized then that really, I am a "Working Mom". And, if you combine the hours between Trauma, teaching, massage and yoga, sometimes more full-time than part-time.

The gift and the blessing is that I am able to schedule my working hours while my kids are at school and with their dad. I am fortunate to be able to be as involved in my kids school as I am. I know that that is not true for everyone.

Opportunities continue to present themselves. I must remember to bring each before God before I jump in.

I thank You for providing for me in this way. I am grateful for the opportunities and the gifts.

Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord Unto Me....

Blessed Beyond My Wildest Imaginings....

I am blessed beyond my wildest imaginings.... truly. It's become my tag-line.... my personal slogan. It's the signature line under my name on my emails. It frequents my Facebook status. It is written on my heart. It is totally, totally amazing.

It was a few weeks back, when I was signing "Your grace is enough...." that the reality moved deeply into my heart. Fortunately, it was during rehearsal. As I signed "Your grace true enough. Your grace true satisfy", my heart skipped a beat - or two. When it started up again, my face was already wet from the tears that had sprung forth. My hands kept on signing, but in my ears, there was no music, only the knowing that "Your grace truly IS enough.... yet, I have been blessed with so much more..."

The first day of February.... I had eluded to some beautiful weather... hadn't anticipated it arriving on the FIRST day of February. Sure enough, it did. I arrived home from church to find that it was as warm outside as it was inside my house. My friends here are all saying "SO... that's not saying much!" (translation - my house is cold.) But 60 degrees inside AND outside, I say we open some windows and let in some fresh air! So I did.

I had the opportunity to peek at the maples and find the very beginnings of some buds. I assessed the work I have to do in the gardens. Major cleanup - and a few inspired additions - to the vegetable garden, adding some mulch to the flower beds. I made note of the continued transplantations as my yard continues to become my yard. I envisioned the addition of some more stones and the completion of a patio area, and the garden edging that will follow.

Hope. Dreams. Literally, new life. Abundant life.

I know it will be work... hard work. I don't mind hard work. I love watching it come to life and evolve. I love the process. I love the connection with God in the midst of the process, and the time to rest with Him when it is complete.

Funny the parallels in my own life. It will be work... hard work. Mostly, I don't mind the work - though honestly, often the physical labor is easier than the emotional / spiritual labor. I love the process, and I love the connection with God in the midst of it... and resting in His presence as each piece is complete.

I am blessed...Beyond my wildest imaginings....