Friday, October 22, 2010


It's that time of year...

My divorce was final in October, so it sort of comes to the surface a little bit more. Apparently it does for my ex as well, because he is talking about it more. (which, of course, brings it to the surface a little bit more for me....)

So, as I puttered around the house, sorting through the stack of mail that had accumulated on my counter I finally stopped, looked up, and said. "Whatever we have to do to get past this, can we please just DO it and move on....?"

Apparently, that surprised me a little bit, because, I then began thinking about surrender. "Hmm... whatever it takes, I'm willing.... guess that's surrender, huh? Now what?"

I scrubbed a dish in the sink, and I knew "now what". "Ah.... those papers I've held onto for 6 years now.... Yes, Sir..." I fetched them, and the large metal flower pot, and the pack of matches. I sat on my front step, filled the pot with crumpled papers and lit the match.

I chuckled to myself as I watched them burn. The insanity of it all - having kept them for so long, and knowing I couldn't just throw them away.

I have to burn things like that. I could tear them up, or shred them, but then I would know I COULD put them back together. But this... I can't fix. I can't restore it.

The contents arise to the heavens in a stream of smoke, and all that is left is ashes. And of course, we know what God can do with ashes. I have seen it over and over again. Beauty for ashes. Isaiah 61:3.

I have a feeling we've only begun this "housecleaning..."

Whatever.... bring it...

Isaiah 61;3 (ESV)

o grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified

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