Monday, June 29, 2009

God's Chess Match

I sit here, filled with gratitude at the way God has been teaching me lately.... and how it is SOOOOO not what I was expecting. It has been difficult work, no doubt, but He has blessed me with people who have walked beside me every step of the way.

Imagine the audacity to even engage in God's Chess Match*. You know the game. He does this so I do that, and expect Him to follow with the next "appropriate" move. Well, much to my surprise.... I am SO far off track, it's hard to believe we're playing on the same board.

Quite honestly, I have been a little afraid of the current sermon series on marriage. Neither of mine were shining examples of a "Godly marriage", and God often chooses my time on the interpreting block to speak to me. Each week I stand up there, surrender my hands, and PRAY that I will continue to be able to interpret if He chooses that opportunity to teach me.

Each week, I find myself so, so grateful. He has been gracious and pulled me aside to point out the things that need examining. I prepare myself for the public spanking, and He deals with me privately. Gently, but firmly, He says, "Look...."

Sometimes, I am horrified as I look back, and then humbled to the point of immobility, to know that even *that* has been forgiven. Even *that*, Christ has accepted for-for me. No public shame or removal from His presence. Instead, there is grace, hope, forgiveness and love.

There is also not a petty dismissal - "ah, that was years ago, never mind that...." It needs to be looked at, examined, confessed, repented. If not, it seems to just sit there - in the dark corners of my heart - weighing me down, until I am ready - or willing - to do so.

So patiently, He waits, continuing to "stalk" me... to show me, convict me. There He stands, arms extended, waiting for me to lay those things at his feet - to forgive myself - so I can walk a little lighter in this world. Peace, Joy, Hope, Forgiveness, Love: all there. Waiting.

Waiting for my move.

This past week, it has been me, face down before Him. "Here... take it....It's named, it's awful. I am so, so sorry..... and I'm ready to let it go".

(... and then, silently I listen, expecting Him to whisper, "Check mate")

*Thank you, friend, for that visual.....

1 comment:

Mike said...

Linda, Your diligent service to 'surrender your hands'for the deaf ministry is a blessing to many, even those who hear. Keep up the good work!