Be Who You Are...

I recently started reading "Respectable Sins: Confronting the sins we tolerate". I can tell it is one of those books that I will read more than once. I am reading with a pencil, underlining the words, phrased and concepts that stand out to me.

Sitting in the car rider line at the Elementary School, I read. The author was describing the way our society has focused sin through an easier, softer lens - if we identify it at all - making it easier to minimize, overlook and tolerate.

He also calls us to "Be who you are". (whoa!)

He likens Christians to officers in the military - set apart for a distinct purpose, with distinct standards of conduct. Big or small infractions, he likens to "behavior unbecoming of an officer". Interesting concept. I thought of that for a long while... and of the "be who you are".

I've been aware lately of many ways that some great wisdom has been focused through a "world view" - and totally destroyed, or at least distorted. "Be who you are", for example. My perspective of "who I am", defines, how I live (which is true!). Through a worldly view of "who I am", my behavior would be very different than through a Biblical view. My thoughts, actions and perceptions are totally different - based entirely on the starting point... and where I set my eyes. Woman of God, or Woman of the world?

Daughter of the King. Set aside for God. Moriah - "God is my teacher". That is who I am. Is that who the world sees?

It was later on - in the bathroom, of all places - when the question hit. I'm not entirely sure if it hit my head or my heart - I felt it between the eyes. "Why are you afraid to be who God would have you be?" Not "ARE you....?", but "WHY are you....?"

Those are love/hate questions for me.... I love it that they come, and the process of working through them, hopefully discovering an answer and assisting in the removal of some of my stumbling blocks... but I hate it that they come, and the process of working through them. Sometimes, I'm not fond of answers and would prefer to keep my stumbling blocks, thank You very much....

I do not speak very publicly about my faith... though, as He would have it, I was given an opportunity to do so that very evening. "Be bold in your faith", I have heard again and again... and as I write this, the radio sings "Let my life song sing to You..."

May I be bold in my faith. May my Life Song sing to You. May I be who I am... the woman You would have me be.

Tagged .... The Hawk.

I don't usually play the "tagging" games. (well, here... I do a few on Facebook...) But I did get "tagged" by my friend, Katie.... and I did recently have a question posed to a group I was in that sort of fit as well... "Do you take time to play with your friends and your toys?" Uhm... no, not much.

So, I figured I'd bite... I'd look in the fourth folder for the fourth picture... perhaps it would provide inspiration for a topic. And who showed up.... the hawk.

This hawk is one of three that visit me from time to time. I was first aware of hawks in the neighborhood when I was on a walk. I was deep in thought - talking with God about something. I heard some squawking. Then I saw a hawk low-flying across the street. I followed the flight path to the nest where the other adult was stationed. The noise quieted until the adult left. I stood and watched for a long time. I'd never witnessed a hawk feeding its young before.

The next time I saw the hawks, I had pulled into my driveway after dropping the kids off at school. I remember being deep in thought - preparing to meet a new friend for lunch. I looked up and stopped in my tracks. My breathing stilled as I watched in amazement. This beautiful creature. In my backyard. wow.

They have joined me on walks, and called to me as I sit on my porch, or dig in my garden. From time to time, they show up and perch in my yard. Most recently, it was just outside my bedroom window, perching on the chain link fence about 10 feet from the window. We stared at each other for a long, long time...

They always tend to show up, and make me pause. Whatever is going on stops, and I am awed by the beauty of this creature God has designed.... and grateful to be a part of His world.

(oh, and quickly, the rules: post the 4th picture in the 4th folder on your computer. Tell about it - then tag four other people)

My tags: Braden, JoAnn, Brea and Kerry.


Thank You God for my friends.... and some fun.

Yesterday was one of those rare beautiful days in middle Tennessee. It snowed! I sat (briefly) and watched the beauty of the flakes falling and dancing in the wind. I knew by mid-afternoon it would be mostly cleared up. No shoveling. No slush. No real need for boots. And, of course, no school.

It's not always this beautiful and simplistic. Sometimes, there is ice. And sometimes there is more snow - an inch or two, even. Both bring things to a screeching halt.

Yes, I am speaking somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I grew up in New England, and remember the Blizzard of '78. 27+ inches of snow dropped very quickly outside of Boston, Massachusetts. No power. No phone. No end to the shoveling! THAT was some snow.

It's different here in the south... but with good reason. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. In just a few more weeks, the daffodils will be peaking their heads through the ground.

Thank you, God for this beautiful day. Thank You for the snow - for the peace and tranquility of winter. Thank You for the unscheduled day of rest.

Praying....without ceasing

I have found myself praying for many people recently. People I know, and people I don't...and some that I "know", but have never "met". I pray for situations I know completely, and some I really don't know at all. I have been praying for joy and peace, balance and strength. For courage and for Truth. For clarity and discernment. For those who are being "stalked" by God to quit running, and receive the gifts that are there. Prayers of praise and of supplication. Prayers for His will be done.

I have been praying for individuals, for couples, for families, for children, for adults. For men, for women, for mothers and daughters, fathers and sons. For babies, born and unborn, (and even the loss of a few). For mothers rejoicing and mothers grieving. For those who know God, and those who do not.

I have been praying over court proceedings and school proceedings. For marriage crises and health crises. You name it, I've prayed it... or so it seems.

Some, are very public, and I will share... others are very private, and I will maintain their confidences. I've become very aware lately, that for every known need for prayer, there seem to be at least a dozen unknown.

As more and more become known to me, it is becoming easier and easier to "pray without ceasing"... and harder and harder not to...

I have been praying for an very brave eight year old girl - that I do know - named Makenzie. Makenzie had surgery for a brain tumor last fall. She is now finished radiation and beginning chemotherapy. Medically, she is doing well - she has made amazing progress and has an unsquelchable spirit... and she continues to beat her dad at Wii bowling! I have been encouraged not only by her healing and her spunk, but also by the community that has continued to support this family - in deed and in prayer - and by the strength and courage that she, her parents, her twin sister and her brother have received as a result. Go! Fight! Win! Makenzie!

The other young girl - whom I don't know - that I pray for, is pictured above. Abby. Abby has leukemia, and a genetic variation that makes her response to treatment more life-threatening. I am just beginning to get a feel for her, her situation, and her family. I do know they welcome prayer.... lots and lots of prayer ... for Abby... and for their family... (their blog is amazing as well.... if you like amazing blogs!)

Finally, a woman I don't know - I know her sister. Cassie is rejoicing...and she is healing...and she is praising God for His hand over, around and supporting the birth of her daughter...and saving her life. Her story reminds me that birth is a natural process, but not always a benign process. Congratulations, Cassie, and praise God!

So long as there are prayers to pray, my voice - and my hands - will be among those raising request and praise to God. If you have a prayer request, feel free to comment, or email me privately (under 'my complete profile'). I will add you to my prayer list.


16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV

There is My Joy...

This is a much more articulate version of what I shared at 2:42. I had this printed out, but summarized it as I remembered: (and I only cried once...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was asked to speak on Sunday night, it was suggested I talk of Joy and God working in my life. Perhaps talking about my blog, or of my interpreting. Instead, I chose to share part of my journey. Likely one of the most pivotal points of my faith journey.

It was in the moment when crisis had hit my marriage and I realized that *I* couldn't fix it, that I was broken enough to surrender and willing to get still enough to really listen. I looked around at my life... at the people I'd met, and the places I'd been. I didn't understand how I had gotten there. But, at that moment I had a brief glimpse of clarity and a change of heart.

I had been told that "God is always with you", that He has plans for me, but I didn't really get it. I hadn't really experienced it.... Then, I realized that He had surrounded me with the people that I needed in my life. The women in my bible study, the women in my yoga class. I was exactly where I was meant to be in that moment. It was then that I first understood. My crazy mixed-up story is a part of His plan.

As I walked through those next months, I searched for Him. "Are You still there?" I'd ask. Without fail, there He was. Guiding, comforting, encouraging. Meeting my needs, and often providing answers to my questions before I asked. It was a truly amazing time. I could go on and on with examples of "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided..."

Life continued to move forward. Times of growth and refinement. Times of rest. Valleys and Mountain tops. Always, Him with me, whether I noticed at the time or not. Not too long ago, we headed into another "growth spurt". I resisted, and learned of His patience. It was following that experience, that I named my blog...though it was a month or so later that I ever considered blogging.

He was leading me to another valley. More learning. More examining my heart. I was tired. I didn't want to grow right then. He spoke, I ignored. I kept busy doing nothing so I didn't have to hear... or so I thought. At the end of a very long weekend of me turning away, I sat on my bed, exhausted. It was if He said "Are you done yet?" Surprised, I said aloud, "My God.... You are stalking me!" And then, I sighed, lowered my head and said "yes... I'm done. Where are we going?"

Day after day, month after month, year after year. There He is. Beside me. With me. Whether I am interpreting on the stage, or sitting to write my blog. So long as my heart is open and my eyes are fixed on Him, I am aware of His presence. When I look away, He is still there. Patiently encouraging me to turn toward Him. It is as we had just sung: "I turn to You and You are always there". That has been my experience.

THERE is my Joy. God working in my life. Valleys. Mountain tops. Doesn't matter. Focusing on Him - be it blogging, interpreting, parenting. Doesn't matter. My favorite sign -"God-connect" - is what matters. THERE is my Joy.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

The Song Remembers When...

It was the night before the 2:42 service. I was having a child-free Saturday evening... at the mall. I hate the mall. Too many people. Too much stuff. Too much potential to spend money. But, I needed to return some things my kids had received for Christmas, so I popped my earbuds in and headed into the crowd. (Saturday night, WHAT was I thinking?!)

I hadn't had time to move the music I needed to learn (in ASL) to the top of my ipod playlist, so as I was walking, I was playing through, searching for the appropriate songs. My pace quickened and slowed with the tempo. From time to time, a one-handed "hallelujah" or "thank You", "King" or "Lord" would spontaneously come forth.

My ipod shuffle is filled with the songs that I have interpreted at church over the past several months. Song after song played. As I listened, I could see the signs in my mind's eye. More often than not, an event, or a lesson, or a blessing had been associated with the song in my heart and in my mind. I remembered back through the months - the journey that I have been on with God.

The first song I ever interpreted came on. I was taken back to the very first time I stood before my congregation. I remembered standing there, hoping my hands would work, and my legs would hold me. Then, suddenly, I was calm. "Perfect" came off my teachers hands as I returned to my seat. It was surreal. I could barely believe what had happened. Me. Up there. Signing. No way.

I continued to listen, and remember, returning to those moments when God had spoken to me, through the words of the songs - sometimes at home, often on the stage.

I wiped the tears running down my face as it hit me how blessed I have been being a part of this deaf ministry. Yes, the people I have met have been great, and I love them dearly, but the time with God is beyond compare.

Thank You, thank You, thank You...

When Asked to Speak...

I have been asked to speak at our 2:42 service Sunday Night. This is a time of fellowship, prayer and communion, based on Acts 2:42. I have been asked to share some of the joy of the presence of God in my life. Whoa... me?

Of course, I said yes. When I am asked to share about how my life has changed, and about how He has done that, I always say yes. So, I have to work... small detail.

I have no idea what I will say. I can barely even remember what she said to me when she asked me to share - aside from the fact that they know I will cry. Most likely, they are right. Those moments when I am overcome with the knowledge of how my life has changed - by the Grace of God - move me to tears.. of joy.

She suggested I speak of my blog - or my interpreting. The fact that nothing comes when I think of those things - though I KNOW they are a result of obedience, and have been a great blessing to me - they are not to be the focus of my talk.

So I wait.... and I wait... and I pray that I will know where to focus. My brain says "C'mon, Lord... only a few more days... I need to prepare....". My heart says "wait..." The Gentle Voice Within says "listen..." So I try to wait some more....

Then I get a glimpse. It is clear for a moment...but just a moment. THAT is the topic - the focus.... "OK... how about the words?" "wait..." "listen..." So I try to wait some more....

As I do - I play the music that we will be singing, and I will be signing. My heart skips a beat as I realize the words I just sang summarize the moment of clarity that I had just had.

"Trust Me." I will do my best (but I really DO hope I have a better idea of what I will say before I actually stand up there...)

The Power of Touch

I believe in the power of touch. I also believe that far too many are touch-deprived. I consider it a blessing that most of my jobs allow - or even REQUIRE - me to touch people. Everything that I have been called to do, requires my hands.

Touch has the ability to stir or settle emotion. It has the power to connect, to communicate, to heal. It also has the power to destroy. It must be used wisely. Appropriately. Well-timed. There are some who tolerate less touch than others. I must respect their preference.

The past 3 days have been filled with massage. I have (literally) touched more than 35 lives in the past 72 hours. I recognize it as a gift. I honor the trust that people put into my hands.

I remember being on the receiving end. I was in the process of my divorce: married, but separated. The only touch in my life was from my kids... and my massage therapist. He had an innate ability to 'hold the space', and allow my process...my grieving, my insights...and he worked out the pain in my right shoulder from chronically handing stuff into the back seat to my kids.

Tomorrow, I go to work in my nursing world, and will touch more lives. "Heal with your hands," He said. Heal with my hands....

May I bring good-will, peace, hope and joy to those I meet...one touch at a time.

Moments of Gratitude: A Rest

I am in the midst of one of the busiest weeks. I have felt the prayers of those who have sent them. There has been this incredible peace as I move from event to event. And I keep receiving the most wonderful gifts. The gifts of "Exactly What I Need".

The morning started in class - CPR renewal. Getting out an hour early may not seem like a big deal, but for me, WOW. YES! I got home, made lunch and walked the dog. It was a beautiful day - sunny, few clouds - warm enough to remind me that spring is on the way. The extra time in my schedule allowed us to not have to rush around the neighborhood. We could take the time to truly enjoy our walk.

As we re-entered the fenced portion of our back yard, I took the opportunity to sit on the deck for a few minutes. The sun still shining - though not on me - a nice breeze tossling the branches of the pine trees, brushing against my face, and brushing my hair back. I closed my eyes to listen. The birds were chirping, the wind chimes playing their melodies. And the dog... the dog was behaving.

That may seem like another small thing, but in my life, it's darn near a miracle! He is a 14 month old chocolate lab, which is, essentially, three strikes against "well-behaved". Today, in this moment, he was.

I sat for a while, looking out over the back yard, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood, and just smiled. "Thank You, God" For this home, for this day, and for this moment to just sit and be in Your presence.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Impatience is WHAT?

I was completing some at-home continuing education. I'd had as much as I could handle for one day, though I still had few more topics to go. I flipped through one of them as I put the unfinished packets into my work bag.

One sentence caught my eye: "Impatience is sub-clinical anxiety". I'm sorry, WHAT? My first thought was "no, no, no....", but the statement stuck with me. I soon recognized that crazy spinning that my brain does when it's just been hit between the eyes with a truth it wants to disprove!

I don't consider myself to be an anxious person. Most people say I'm a very patient person, but I'm more like a duck. Calm, cool, collected is what can usually be seen, but I'm often paddling like mad under the surface.

My "internal editor" is a blessing in these situations. It lets me wait 'patiently', and not speak the thousand "c'mon! c'mon! COME ON.... can you not just DO IT!?" s that are going through my brain.

I am not patient with MYSELF one bit. OK, I might have ONE bit of patience - but that's it... and I've worked hard to get that!

I consider the times that I show my impatience, and ask myself "why?" "Why do I get impatient?" Usually, it's because I'm worried (DOH!) about being late, or not getting something done. Worried. Hmmmm... Anxious. Ugh! "No, no, no, no, no...." says the brain. Drat. For me, that statement is true. Sub-clinical anxiety... me. * sigh *

I'm not anxious to the point where it impairs my life.... just to the point where it keeps me from acting as I should... patiently. For Love is patient and kind.... Patience is fruit of the spirit... it is much needed in our world today - let it begin with me.

May I walk in patience and in love. May I trust Your timing. May I lay my worries at Your feet.


I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:1-2

It's REALLY Girl Scout Cookie Time...

I promised when I wrote the original version of this, that I would resend it when it truly IS Girl Scout Cookie time. And it is.... Girls here in the South have started taking orders - believe they will soon follow in the North.

One thing I have learned since I originally posted this - though I think the girls like getting cookies as well, is there is a "Gift of Caring" community service project. The girls can pick an organization to whom cookies will be donated if people would like to buy them for donation. So, your options are many...

Enjoy the re-telling: Originally published Saturday September 13, 2008:

It's Girl Scout Cookie Time!!!

Well, no, not really. Cookies come in the spring. But my daughter just signed up for Brownies, so we've been doing some reminiscing. I pulled out my old Girl Scout vest and we looked at my badges and my star pins (which she liked best). She put on my old beanie and gave me an ear to ear grin. It begins.

It's changed a lot in the years since I was a scout. The thing I notice most - since I've not actively been involved in scouting - thus far! - is how cookies are sold. In my day (and yes, I know I'm dating myself here - I'm OK with that!), we sold cookies door to door... and they were a dollar a box! One year, I had sold the most in my district - 265 boxes (or something equally ridiculous). And that wasn't mom or dad taking the order form to the office, it was DOOR TO DOOR. The reality of that designation hit me when I was loading up yet another wagon full to deliver them... door to door. (I vowed never to seek that honor again!)

These days, they set up outside of Wal*mart or the grocery store. Several girls and their leader or adult volunteer. For the past several years, I've developed my own Girl Scout cookie tradition (that my sister has encouraged me to share here!). I love the cookies and I believe in scouting. But, my problem: I love the cookies. It wouldn't matter how many boxes I bought, I'd eat them all - without an opportunity to teach my kids about sharing. So, I've gone about it in a little different way.

When I see them set up outside the store, I now grin ear to ear in anticipation. I enjoy that feeling while I do my shopping. On my way out, I stop at the table.

"Would you like to buy some cookies?" they ask. I ask how much they cost, and quickly count the number of girls at the table. I then ask each girl in turn what their favorite flavor is. "Thin mints", "Tagalongs", "Samoas". I tell them I'll take one of each. They stack them up and tell me how much I owe - now significantly more than a dollar a box! Change in hand, I pick up the stack of boxes and hand each box to the girl who expressed it as her favorite. "Enjoy!" I say as I walk away.

It's interesting to hear what happens next - and honestly, I wish I could be a fly on the wall to truly witness it with my eyes, but I'm walking away, so I have to trust my ears. At first they are baffled. "for me?" the silence says. I can only imagine they look at each other and then the shrieking begins or the laughter, and the "THANK YOU!!"s. "You're welcome", I call back.

I am able to donate to a worthy cause, demonstrate random acts of kindness, and I save myself THOUSANDS of calories. That is a definite win-win situation!

I'll repost this in the spring, when it IS Girl Scout Cookie time, with a challenge to make a Girl Scout's day!

A Song, A Dance, and A Sign...

"Watch me, Mommy!", she said. "I made up movements for my song". She is learning to sing the song "Breakaway". I'd never heard it before.

It's a song about a girl feeling stuck in her small town. "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly," she sings. She spends the song dreaming and praying of what she'll do when she is able to "break away".

As my daughter sings those lines, she leaps and flaps her wings, as only little girls can do. She sways, she twirls, she reaches for the sky.

The lyrics remind me of my youth. It also reminded me that my little girl is growing up - fast! Before I know it, she'll be a grown woman, moving into her own life. Assuming we both survive her adolescent years, that is...

The fact that she'll be spending the next few years testing her wings and will one day fly away caused me to pause. I know she, like me, will move into her own life. As it should be.

The thing that caught me off guard. She incorporated some American Sign Language that I didn't know she knew. Each time she sang the words "break away", she signed 'disconnect'. They really do watch every moment, don't they.

May I be a woman worthy of small eyes watching. May I remember how quickly the years fly by and cherish every moment. May I remember that her 'disconnect' as she grows is what she is meant to do. May I give her roots, but allow her her wings. Watch over us all as we grow.

The Presence of God...

I recently got to experience the expression "The presence of God won't take you, where the Grace of God won't keep you...."

It was Sunday morning. I was at the rehearsal with the band before the service. My kids were technologically entertained with a DS and an ipod. The presence of God was all around - I could feel it the moment I set foot on the stage. I could see it on the face of the pastor's daughter as she danced and clapped her hands to the music.

As we rehearsed, each of the songs touched my heart, more and more deeply. We started with "Your Grace is enough...." My hands made the signs for "grace" and "enough" and "satisfy", as I considered that - His grace IS enough...and yet, I have been blessed with so much more... the "stuff", the friendships, my children, other children... blessed, I tell you! Beyond my wildest imaginings!

We moved into the next set - "Blessed be Your name" led. As I signed of the "land that is plentiful" and the "walk through the wilderness", I pictured both in my life. Those moments when everything was 'right' in the world, and my most difficult struggles. As I walked through each, He has been there. Over time, I am learning to praise Him in the midst of both.

That thought segued right into the next song "oh, oh, You never let go...". But it wasn't that line that captured me. It was the 23rd Psalm part - "I will fear no evil, for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear?" No one - which is what I signed as the question repeated: "people influence fear, who? none!"

The forth song, was an invitation for God to be near. Over and over, I signed "Be near, oh God...", which ended in "Another Hallelujah". For some reason, that song seems to stay on my hands. There aren't that many words, and most of them are "Hallelujah!" - a killer for the shoulders, but wonderful for the heart.

It was a wonderful, wonderful time with God - all before the congregation arrived.

It was during the service itself, that I witnessed the grace of God keeping me in a very, very different way.

As I stood up front, interpreting the music, He held my tongue and moved my hands as I struggled with the overwhelming urge to tell my son - who was chattering away (loudly enough for me to hear him) - to "SHUT UP!"

Fortunately, my internal stress had diminished following the prayer, and I was able to speak with him rationally - and not screaming from the stage!

Thank you God for Your constant hand on my shoulder....

Search me, Try me, Lead me

I love this verse.

Search me,
Try me, and
Lead me.

Open my heart - come in, explore. Show me the things that need to be refined, removed, renewed. Guide me along the way everlasting.... YOUR way, not mine.

It comes down to three parts, really: Willingness to become transparent before God - allowing Him to explore my interior world and challenge me outside of my comfort zone. To listen to the results of His interior survey, and then to surrender my plans to His, and allow Him to transform me. Easier said than done, for sure!

Open my heart - come in, explore. Speak to me. Show me. Refine me. Humble me, and lead me along your path.


Psalm 139:23-24.

Accountability, Transparency and Respectable Sin

It has been a long time coming...I have heard it in so many ways and from so many people. I know it in my mind and I have heard it in my heart. I have finally been given the courage to speak it. One of the "respectable sins" that I struggle with is my relationship with food.

It has been a life-long struggle, if I am honest - though I haven't always been aware of it. I have recently become aware of the fact that I turn to 'comfort foods' when I should turn to God. The irony is, of course that 'comfort food', comforts only very briefly. It then often becomes uncomfortable - either physically, mentally or emotionally. Since my awareness, it has also become uncomfortable spiritually.

This 'body temple' is not as God has designed it. I have not cared for it as I should. It is time to change that. Accountability, Transparency and bringing it forth, is the only way I know to loosen the noose enough, so I can finally let it go and give it to God.

So, before my house becomes a temporary storehouse for literally a thousand boxes of Girl Scout cookies, I have chosen to "show up", bring it to the Light, and trust that His Grace will be sufficient.

May I turn to You in my moments of fear and frustration. Search my heart - shine Your Light in any dark corners where pieces of this may still be hiding. Free me.


"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

The Truth and the Light

I have been told, and I have witnessed it over and over again - the Truth ALWAYS comes into the light. Whether it be a Truth of great blessing, or a truth that everyone wishes would remain hidden, it always comes to the light.

Sometimes it is hard waiting, for it to be revealed. Other times it is agonizing watching it unfold, as we - or someone we love - try to cover it up again. Or, perhaps, we are trying to come clean with our hidden truths, and we stand still as it unfolds around us, quietly awaiting consequences, and praying for grace.

Sometime, someone tries to present a false truth - which, of course, would not be the truth at all, but they so believe it to be. Denial runs deep and lies and manipulation run close along side. To quote a friend "God allows fools to be revealed when they insist upon it.... and they usually do".

I've been taught, "I am only as sick as my secrets", and thus, I try to live a very 'transparent' life. It is not always easy, and it's not always pretty. But I remember how difficult it was to try to stuff down the truth, and display what the world wanted to see in my life. I don't want to live there again. It was infinitely harder than whatever ever consequence come my way.

See, Truth and Grace, they run hand in hand as well.

I want to live in the Truth. It always - one way or another - bubbles up to the surface. Thank God.

May I live in Truth - with Joy and Hope and Grace - and help me to know that the deception in the world will fall away, as the Light reveals and brings forth the Truth.

Thank You God...

You Never Let Go....

The song is new to me this week, though the concept is not. It's essentially the 23rd Psalm modernized. As I sat with my mentor to translate the lyrics into American Sign Language, I was reminded of a conversation I'd had recently with a friend of mine. We were discussing the goings on in her life. Her 'storms'. I was also reminded of mine.

One line stuck with me, as I read and later listened:

"And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back. I know You are near"

I am grateful for the moments of darkness - those trips through the valley - when I know, without a doubt, that He is near. Those journeys are never easy - but are so much more bearable feeling His presence.

Sometimes, it is in the midst of the storms that I am MORE aware of His presence... probably because I am actively searching for Him then.

It's the journeys that more mirror the Barlow Girl's song, Never Alone, that are more difficult. Those moments where I just want to run and hide. Please tell me when it's over! Those moments are captured in the chorus of their song:


"I cry out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone."

In those times, the only thing that made me believe that God is near, was that I had been told that He is. Those moments are the tough ones. They are the ones that require faith. I thank those people who reminded me - again and again - of His ever-presence. The people who pointed Him out when I could not see. The people who restored my faith when I was in short supply. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have many of those "valley" experiences under my belt. Retrospectively, I've realized that no matter what I felt in the midst of it, He was there. He has Never Let Go. He will Never Let Go. That perspective builds my faith that in the present, or in the future, as I walk forth, He will be with me. I shall not fear.

Thank You, God, for Your ever-presence in my life. May I search for You "through the calm and through the storm". May those walking "through the valley of the shadow of death" feel your presence, and fear no evil.

You Never Let Go...

Amen.

From Those Who Are Given Much...

I had been thinking of service this past summer, and speaking with a friend about it. "I don't know what I'd do", she said. "Just ask that He show you", I replied. Silently, I asked. "Show me."

The next day, my phone rang. It was a woman who had been visiting my church. She shared a story with me about a young friend of hers who was living in a nursing home. She had experienced a stroke several years ago, and that had left her unable to care for herself at home. Her family was several states away - opposite ends of the country, if you must know. She wanted to bring her friend to TN for a visit. She had called the church office asking for names of nurses in the congregation - and then called me. I nodded as I spoke on the phone and thought... "Just ask..."

I agreed to help, and she began to work on the details. I met her face to face for the first time the next Sunday. We set up a day - with another nurse as well - to do a home assessment. We came up with a list of things that would make the visit do-able and more easily successful. (We also had some wonderful fellowship.)

The pieces began to fall into place - equipment was donated - air miles were donated. Not long afterwards, we received more good news. Her family had heard she was coming and would like to join the reunion. And so it was. Three days in early September, she'd be in TN.

Some people said, "Wow. That's a big committment - for someone you don't even know". "I have been given much - by many I don't even know", I replied. Much is expected - and I'm OK with that.

Finally, the day arrived. My children and I met them at the house, and got them settled for the night. Medication reviewed, they were off, chatting and reminiscing. I came in daily to assist with personal care, and be sure all was well. I'd stay to visit for a little while, and let her know how very brave I thought she was for making the journey.

It was a wonderful opportunity to serve, to witness her faith and her courage. I got to witness the softening of her face, and the joy increasing in her spirit visiting her friend here. Peripherally, I heard stories of a family reconnected.

Now, we wait to see if and when she musters the courage to move in with her family. They're all waiting for her to agree.

And to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required

Luke 12:48 (ERV)

Being of Service

I believe it was Priscilla Shirer who pointed this out to me again recently. This thing called "service": what it is, what it should be, and what it has often become. Her presentation then became an interesting discussion in our bible study group.

The dictionary defines service as "work done by one person or group that benefits another". Basic. Simple. True. What Priscilla talked about - and we later expounded upon - was the why's and how's of service.

I have been 'serving' others for years. I would do for others - but my motives were all wrong. I'd do for them, hoping they'd do similarly for me - and become angry and resentful when they didn't. I was a definite ' box checker '. Much of what I did was because I felt I "had to" or I "should" (*big sigh*). It was obligatory, for sure.

As I began my growth process, I was told that service should be a gift - a TRUE gift - that is given without the expectation of it being returned. I was given 'service assignments': set up chairs before a meeting, help set up the coffee, clean up afterwards. Honestly, it started out as work - hard work. I was an isolater, remember - and very shy. I soon learned that I enjoyed the interaction with others on a mutual task. Getting "out of my self" was good for me, and I enjoyed their reactions - smiles, thank yous, obvious relief with an overwhelming task. (MUCH later, I realized I had already been given much more than I was doing!!)

Not long after that, the movie "Pay it Forward" came out. I thought, "my God, this boy is a genius!". If you haven't seen it, it's a good one. The premise is that Trevor - an 11 year old boy - is given a social studies class assignment: "Think of a way to change our world and put it into action". His plan: "Pay it Forward". If he helps 3 people today do something they couldn't do on their own, and they each help 3 people the next day, and so on and so forth, the results would be astonishing. In two weeks, he projects that 4,782,969 people's lives would be changed for the better.

Coupled with the book "Random Acts of Kindness", that I had also recently discovered, I was sent into an all out service frenzy. My favorite was paying the toll of the car behind me. That year, I travelled half the length of the state of Massachusetts, on the Mass Pike. I started at the very first toll booth. The toll taker gave me a quizzical look when I asked to pay for the car behind me as well. When I insisted, he said "whatevah", and I was on my way. For the duration of the trip, I'm not sure what was more exciting - going to visit Amherst and my friends, or knowing that I'd soon have another opportunity to "pay it forward".

This is when I truly began to appreciate service. To see it with a different heart. Yes, there will be things that I will do, not so much because I want to, but because they need to be done. And, then there will be service that I love beyond measure. Either way, I want to serve with a grateful heart - as an extension and expression of all that has been given to me, thus far.

I want my doing to be truly "service" - something I do because of the love, and grace that I have been blessed with. I want it to be a natural outpouring of these, and not an obligatory 'box to check'.

May my life overflow with Your love. May I pass it on to others through service.

The Calm Before the Storm

I have been blessed with a couple of (dare I say it?) quiet days at work. Life is about to become very busy for the next few weeks as I take on instructing a Clinical Rotation. It's a job I love, despite the early mornings two more days per week... Thank God for my "village" who makes it possible!

Fortunately, I've now had the opportunity to catch up on some paperwork and some "to do's" that had gotten piled up. I am grateful for that - there's nothing worse than starting a race feeling 'behind'.

I've been given - and taken - the opportunity to rest. It is the one thing I will need to focus on (and be reminded of) as I head off. Staying rested will be the key to success.

Looking at my (regular) work schedule today, I noticed, that "coincidentally", I am on vacation the week after the bustle of activity ends! It was a week I picked randomly to balance the use of my vacation time throughout the year. Apparently, it was anticipated I'd need an official rest period at that point. Perfectly timed. I love it! Thank You, God!

Help me find balance as the pace temporarily increases. May I stay focused on You, for there lies my peace and my rest.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28