Waiting Upon the Lord....

My father would have told you that I was BORN impatient. (He did, in fact, tell me that... repeatedly...) Apparently, I couldn't wait for my due date and arrived two weeks early. So, clearly, it's in my nature and it's something I struggle with from time to time.

I'd found myself frustrated with several things by the end of the week, and went to sleep Saturday night asking God a lot of "why" s and "how long" s.

There has also been a lot of talk in my world about "follow through". You know, doing what you say, sticking with something through completion, and doing the next right thing because it is the next right thing to do.

A book that I have been reading as well, talks about the fact that diets don't fail, we fail to stick to them. (The exact quote - that hit me between the eyes and smack dab in the middle of my heart when I opened the book for the first time, to that exact page where the words jumped off the page at me - is: "How many diets does it take to lose weight? Only the one you stick to." Ouch.)

So there I sit, Sunday morning, at work, idly tracing my collar bone with my finger. I noticed it was a little more prominent, but my weight has been one of the "why" s and "how long" s I had been discussing with God. (Trust me, I know the answer to both of those - that book made it VERY clear to me... again...) As all of those thoughts swirled through my head, I glanced up.

On the counter was a statue of an eagle with a plaque. It read:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~~Isaiah 40:31 "

And there it was. Again. *whap* between the eyes and deep into my heart.

"But they that wait upon the Lord..." "They that wait" get these things. Not those that jump out and try to do it in their own way and in their own time. I've tried that. Didn't work so hot.

Once again, God speaks, and I was reminded: It's in HIS timing. Not mine.

Impatience is WHAT?

I was completing some at-home continuing education. I'd had as much as I could handle for one day, though I still had few more topics to go. I flipped through one of them as I put the unfinished packets into my work bag.

One sentence caught my eye: "Impatience is sub-clinical anxiety". I'm sorry, WHAT? My first thought was "no, no, no....", but the statement stuck with me. I soon recognized that crazy spinning that my brain does when it's just been hit between the eyes with a truth it wants to disprove!

I don't consider myself to be an anxious person. Most people say I'm a very patient person, but I'm more like a duck. Calm, cool, collected is what can usually be seen, but I'm often paddling like mad under the surface.

My "internal editor" is a blessing in these situations. It lets me wait 'patiently', and not speak the thousand "c'mon! c'mon! COME ON.... can you not just DO IT!?" s that are going through my brain.

I am not patient with MYSELF one bit. OK, I might have ONE bit of patience - but that's it... and I've worked hard to get that!

I consider the times that I show my impatience, and ask myself "why?" "Why do I get impatient?" Usually, it's because I'm worried (DOH!) about being late, or not getting something done. Worried. Hmmmm... Anxious. Ugh! "No, no, no, no, no...." says the brain. Drat. For me, that statement is true. Sub-clinical anxiety... me. * sigh *

I'm not anxious to the point where it impairs my life.... just to the point where it keeps me from acting as I should... patiently. For Love is patient and kind.... Patience is fruit of the spirit... it is much needed in our world today - let it begin with me.

May I walk in patience and in love. May I trust Your timing. May I lay my worries at Your feet.


I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:1-2