Lines in the Sand

I wonder sometimes why I draw the lines in the sand that I do. I ask myself if I am be stubborn or vindictive, or perhaps just too dam* independent.

I've been thinking about it a lot today. And finally, after some thought and prayer, there was peace.

It's not about stubbornness or independence. It is about circles of intimacy, and who belongs where.

Thank you God, for that clarification. Help me to continue to make the appropriate line in the sand, as I continue to set boundaries in my life.

Surrendering to my Humanity

I took an opportunity to surrender to my humanity today. Begrudgingly.

But, I really didn't have any other choice. (Which is usually how and why I surrender.)

I had volunteered to work the night shift for one of my coworkers so that she could go to a family wedding. Each time I work nights, I realize how much I hate it and how much it messes with my life - in very real physical ways. I feel awful! I feel like I am watching myself wander around with my brain kicking in a few minutes behind.

Typically, if I work a Saturday night, I decaffeinate myself and head to church Sunday morning- at least through the opening worship music set. About 3:30 Sunday morning, I knew there was no way I'd make it.

Instead, I spend the drive home praying - primarily for safety and wakefulness until I pulled into my driveway.

As I think about "surrendering to my humanity" - and how difficult that can be for me - and look at some of the things happening around me, I see lessons on "balance" and "boundaries" coming my way.

Bring on the Clarity

It is becoming increasingly clear where lines are needing to be drawn. The calendar is clearing itself, there is less waffling about "do I really want to get rid of this, or should I just keep it?", and there are some clearer boundaries within a few relationships here and there. All of these are needing to happen!

Bring on the clarity, Lord... I am listening.

Where You lead, I will follow...

"Don't-Mess-With-Me"

I've notice that I attribute certain characteristics to different articles of clothing. I have a sweater that I almost always wear when I'm needing comfort, certain earrings when I'm needing some balance. There are the moccasins that I got when I was in New Mexico years ago, that remind me of the same bold-adventuresome-yet-quietly-soul-searching mood that I was in when I bought them. And then... there are these. These are my "don't-mess-with-me" shoes!

I've found that I've been wearing them a lot lately, after months (perhaps years) of them being untouched in my closet. Why? First of all, they have a heel. I'm fairly tall - "for a girl" - and I've spent decades of my life trying NOT to draw attention to that. Secondly, they "clack" when I walk, so there is no denying that I'm coming. There is no sneaking in and sneaking out. I am, without a doubt walking through life and leaving audible footprints. Something about that combination enhances the whole "stand-tall-for-who-you-are" attitude, and makes it undeniably real. In a "Don't-mess-with-me!" mood, they are most likely on my feet!

It's probably the the season I am in now. Being still, sorting through and sifting out the things that don't belong in my life anymore. Whether it be "stuff" or attitudes or events. I've had to stand tall in some situations and say "THIS is who I am", "THIS is what is important in my life", "THIS best demonstrates the place that God has in my life". The rest must go.

It's definitely a change of practice for me - I usually just slide into my old Birkenstocks, but, ya' know what? I'm finding out, they're actually pretty comfortable!

The Power of Touch

I believe in the power of touch. I also believe that far too many are touch-deprived. I consider it a blessing that most of my jobs allow - or even REQUIRE - me to touch people. Everything that I have been called to do, requires my hands.

Touch has the ability to stir or settle emotion. It has the power to connect, to communicate, to heal. It also has the power to destroy. It must be used wisely. Appropriately. Well-timed. There are some who tolerate less touch than others. I must respect their preference.

The past 3 days have been filled with massage. I have (literally) touched more than 35 lives in the past 72 hours. I recognize it as a gift. I honor the trust that people put into my hands.

I remember being on the receiving end. I was in the process of my divorce: married, but separated. The only touch in my life was from my kids... and my massage therapist. He had an innate ability to 'hold the space', and allow my process...my grieving, my insights...and he worked out the pain in my right shoulder from chronically handing stuff into the back seat to my kids.

Tomorrow, I go to work in my nursing world, and will touch more lives. "Heal with your hands," He said. Heal with my hands....

May I bring good-will, peace, hope and joy to those I meet...one touch at a time.