Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Gifts in the Sorrow

In order to get to where we are going, we must briefly return to the past. We're back again to the days immediately following my "Thus Far" and "Love him well" experiences. The hurt was new, the uncertainty overbearing. They were days of deep sorrow. But, they were also weeks of great peace.

I had been told that "There is always a gift in the pain". Up until then, I wasn't sure I believed it. But, as it is when God is on the move, the strangest things began to happen.

My fierce independence subsided, and I realized I must depend on God to get through my days. I had two small children and I felt very alone. I didn't know what the future held, and I didn't know how to complete the tasks at hand - say, for example, "love him well." I didn't know much of anything, except that life was changing - quickly!

I'd come to the point where I had no choice but to say, "Ok, Lord... where are we going today? I have no idea. You lead." That was new behavior for me. VERY new behavior. Previously, I always had some sort of a plan ... not always a very GOOD plan, but a plan nonetheless - and usually a plan B, C and D to follow, for good measure!

And lead He did. The days were filled with clarity - what to do, what to say. Moment by moment, when I needed guidance, I was willing enough (or broken enough) to pause and say "What next? You lead". And I would wait. Peacefully, quietly wait. It didn't matter how long I needed to wait - I simply, peacefully KNEW I needed to wait until I was shown what to do.

The days were also filled with a sweetness that only God can provide. Routinely - literally, every day - there would be a song that ministered to me, a stranger who would speak my truth, a flower that would seem to bloom before me, or a butterfly that would grab my attention as it floated through the sunshine, bringing peace and hope with it.

In my dependency - in my brokenness - I allowed myself to be comforted, guided, supported, cherished and loved by God Himself. I didn't have a choice. I knew no other way - and somehow knew every other way would fail me. From a place of betrayal, I learned to trust... God.

I do not enjoy the seasons of pain and of sorrow in my life. But, these days, when I find myself there, I stop and listen, and know - really know - that there will be gifts - truly amazing and wonderful gifts - here in the sorrow with me. And, as I continue to press forward through the darkness - no matter how thick and sticky and unending it seems - there will always, ALWAYS be light on the other side.


Brandy said...

Just wanted to let you know, I am really enjoying reading your blog :)

Linda said...

Thank you Brandy,

I am being blessed as I write it...