Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Stubbornness and Rebellion...

So... apparently, the events at church Sunday morning were the warm-up in this round of conviction. Before the service, I had asked my friend to pray for me. I had shared with her the events that had occurred during the rehearsal. She signed "Stubborn?" and "Rebellion?" It wasn't QUITE what had happened that morning, but certainly "MY way" vs. "His way" fits both of those terms.

Sunday afternoon revealed - again and again - a way that I am both "stubborn" and "rebellious" - doing it "MY way" rather than "His way". Confirmation after confirmation came to me. Late that afternoon, I had to put down - OK, I "chose" to put down - the bible study when yet another confirmation came in the form of a question: what do I turn to when I should turn to God?

Had I continued on, I would have discovered what lay on the next page. Instead of finding this in the privacy and comfort of my own home, I found it in the midst of my bible study small group. There they were: Two words: "Stubbornness" and "Rebellion". (Seriously!) I signed "guilty!" (again), and wiped a tear out of my eye before it could fall.

Yet, despite conviction after conviction, I was shown: He does provide. In the most unlikely of places, the strangest of ways, He does provide.

Following the study, I gathered my things: bible, study book, flip flops. At the bottom of the stairs, I turn left and enter the quiet stillness of the sanctuary. It's dark, with only a trace of light coming through from the hallway. But, I know where I'm going, and my eyes are beginning to adjust. To the right front corner I walk. There, before the cross, I kneel. I close my eyes, and I sign, "Father, forgive me...."

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