Monday, September 1, 2008


Please believe me. I have struggled and I do struggle.

My journey with God has not been one of sweet surrender and never-ending bliss. In fact, the words of a song resonate with me: "I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, than take what you give that I need". That's me.

I am independent to a fault. My nature is to press forward under my own power, and when I mess up, implement my own damage control strategies.

If you can imagine the picture accompanying the poem, "Footprints in the Sand". We're always shown the beautifully placed footprints, surely set by the edge of the sea. What we're not shown - in my life anyhow - is the stretch of beach that precedes these surefooted prints. Looking at where I've been, there is the disarray. The stretch of beach where I have clamored, thrashed and wrestled. The areas where I have attempted to hold on, to claw at the sand and maintain my position, rather than allow myself to be carried.

Fortunately, I am teachable, and God is patient and kind. I resist, He waits... I wrestle myself to exhaustion, He waits. He reminds me of the previous times when, out of desperation, I have surrendered. Reminds me of the comfort and peace that is mine for the asking - if I would only quit fighting.

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