Monday, October 13, 2008

Facing the Music

So, you should have seen me after church on Sunday afternoon. There I was "Tending the Earth", and I just started shaking my head, and laughing quietly to myself. I had been thinking of the events of the morning; that bridge still running through my head. "Lift up your head, oh, oh, oh, Lift up your head, Look on Him...". Then the thought of the video recorder, and YouTube. I don't care much for pictures, and video, in my opinion, is even worse. Yes, it's wonderful for kids and cute animal things, but for ME... uhm... no, thank you. It's too..... honest.

THAT's when I start laughing and shaking my head. Hadn't I just written the other day about how I didn't always LIKE honesty, but I needed to walk toward the truth. *sigh*. Well, here we go.

My mentor and I have discussed using video tape as a means of objective feedback for our interpreting. We could sit and watch together, critiquing as we went along. I like the concept. I think it would be beneficial. Yet, we've both drug our feet in the implementation of it. I think He may be telling us it's time to do exactly that.

But.... YouTube? Don't get me wrong, I like YouTube, but... there is something disconcerting about knowing that my mistakes are going to be "out there" visible to God-only-knows how many people. It's... well, very humbling. "Another opportunity to embrace my imperfections", I suppose. A chance to let go of my pride and admit to the world, that yes, I am human. I do make mistakes.

It's also an opportunity to learn - for that I am grateful. It's an opportunity to walk toward the Truth... as much as I'd like to pretend the video tape didn't exist.

Yes, I could have kept this under wraps - my 'little secret'. But I have learned (the hard way!) that keeping secrets, and hiding myself from the world is not in my best interests. And, I have friends who I'm sure would have discovered it, and confronted me with the fact that I hadn't shared. The joys of being loved.

It's time to face the music,... and the honesty of a video camera. How appropriate the words... "Lift up your head, oh, oh, oh, Lift up your head...." I so don't want to look.

So, today, I am walking on faith that my fear of facing the truth is worse than actually walking through it. I guess I'll know for sure once the video is published and "out there".

"....oh, oh, oh, Lift up your head, Look on Him..."

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