Monday, October 20, 2008

Choosing "Freedom"

Every Sunday, there seems to be a theme in the music. There is a word or a phrase that I find myself signing again and again. This week, the topic was freedom. Not only did I sign "free", "save", and "redeem"(again, and again, and again!), I broke chains across my heart, and ties to the world. I showed the "power of sin" being "destroy"ed, pushed behind, and crumbling down to nothing then blown away. If only it were that easy.

I laughed - and then I cried - at the realization Saturday night. All these songs about being free, and I certainly wasn't feeling that way. I was feeling more "blind", "confused", "struggle"-ing, "bound" and "broken-heart"-ed

The other irony that didn't escape me: We were just finishing our fall break week. Our "vacation". Freedom - from school...but not from a full calendar! And, as I lay in my bed Saturday night, weeping, I wondered how I got back "here" again. Bound to the schedule, and tied up in sugar and caffeine.

It didn't seem quite right that I'd be standing up there signing about "Amazing Grace" and "freedom" feeling as bound as I did. But, then again, if you know the story of Grace and freedom, it is a story that is "not quite right". It is that part which makes it "Amazing". Besides, one thing I've learned about obedience - I can't let my feelings of inadequacy keep me from stepping forth.

So, step forth I did - with tears streaming down at one point. Song after song. Somewhere in the middle of it all - the tears were gone, and joy was springing forth. Hope had returned

"And like a flood, His mercy rains. Unending Love, Amazing Grace"

Maybe it IS that easy. Freedom is mine to claim. Yet, I often set it aside, and find myself tangled up again where I don't belong - allowing my hands and feet to be shackled, if not shackling them myself. Why is it that I do that? Why do I not accept the freedom I am given?

Therein lies the difficultly - choosing to accept the gift, and in doing so, turning away from the chains that so sweetly bind.

Keep me close to You - help me choose well. May I choose to be free.

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