Monday, October 27, 2008

.... in the words of a song.

People say they admire me for being able to stand up and interpret the music at church. I remind them that "all I am is willing". What happens up there is all God. "You're so brave to stand in front of all those people", they say. "What people?"I ask. I know she means the congregation, but most times, standing up there, in that anointed spot, there are no people - it is just God and me.

Now, sure, yes, I do put in effort. I collect the music ahead of time, and translate and review it with my mentor, my "teacher". I do listen to the music (again and again) until it is in my body, and the signs on my hands. Some week I am more prepared than others...

... and some weeks I am more prepared for the response than others. Invariably, there is a song, or a phrase that "gets me". Brings me to my knees - sometimes literally. Almost always, there is one that moves me to tears. It touches my heart (or convicts me!) in such a profound way. I am overwhelmed by the feelings that accompany the phrase: "Let mercy fall on me". I can feel it - and it does - as the sign "mercy" comes toward me again and again. The same with Grace, pouring down upon me. And Love. And "God-connect". Truly powerful images to be a part of.

God has always "stalked" me through music. This is no exception. The difference with interpreting is, I am participating with the entirety of my body... not just my ears or my voice. I "praise", I "surrender", I "cry out" and I "control-disconnect" whole-heartedly. It also makes me think twice about picking back up something I've "laid at His feet".

And then, there is the aftermath. The days following a worship service I've participated in interpreting. Something happens. I am changed by it. I can't stand up before God and everyone, whole-heartedly sign, "Oh, come, my God, and break me..." and not expect SOMETHING to happen. It is prayer. It is worship. It is exciting and it is very, very scary.

It helps me to trust. It allows me to become willing when that's not my first instinct. It gives me an opportunity to be "bold" in my faith.

I consider myself very, very blessed to be a part of it.

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