Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Aerial

It began in a dream.... this feeling....

I was walking across a vast field of lush green grass, me and many, many other people. Suddenly, I had the urge to do an aerial cartwheel, so I quickened my pace and did a perfect hands-free cartwheel.... and then the phone rang.

As I tried to get back to that dream-place, I could hear the same music, but not recreate the scene...

Behold he comes
Riding on the clouds
Shining like the sun
At the trumpet's call
So lift your voice
It's the year of Jubilee
For out of Zion's Hill salvation comes

When I woke up again, the song was still on repeat-play in my head, and this "feeling" was rumbling around in my gut, tugging at my heart.

I started my day as usual, with a dog-walk. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing....which always reminds me of God's ACTIVE presence in my life. It was beautiful - delightful!

As I walked, my hands began a silent prayer: "Examine my heart. Show me the things that need to change...."

Getting home, the feeling remained.... I sensed that I had witnessed a glimpse of who I had been created to be - and endured the full realization of how far I am from that. To my prayer, I added "... remove my grubby little hands from whatever I am clinging to so tightly...."

A few IM conversations later, I am again aware that God will not "pry my hands" away from anything. That is my "to do"... I must let go. I consider changing my request to "make whatever I am clinging to detestable to me" - but that thought scares the daylights out of me. I pray it through the fear..

I can still feel the aerial in me, trying to come out..... wanting to...... needing to. As I walk down the hallway in my house, I throw my chest out, my arms back and my back leg up toward the sky. Yes, that is how it begins.

An hour later, I turn a few cartwheels in my yard, after checking to be sure I am out of the sight of neighbors. I try it one-handed and make it half-way over before I drop my second hand to the ground. I wonder if I will improve if I continue to practice... like every day.

Funny... I am sure I would continue to improve - especially if my practice includes removing my grubby fingers from that to which I cling. But first I must gain awareness of what I am holding to so tightly

The aerial cartwheel, I later realize - a perfect analogy. It's simple really - all I have to do is throw my legs out from under me, while actively NOT reaching for that which I believe will support me. It is faith-in-action.

I know where my true support lies. I do. It's just that so often I reach for that which I can more easily see and grab hold of. Unfortunately, in doing that, I deny myself the aerial. When I reach for the ground, I deny myself all that He has created me to be.

For curious minds: No, I don't believe - even in my gymnastics years - I have ever DONE an aerial cartwheel. One-handed, yes, no-handed, I don't think so. Fear not, though, when I DO do one - I will post the video here.... and if I break my arm trying, someone will let you know...

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