Little Bits of Progress

There are days where I feel like I am going nowhere. Running as fast as I can on an never ending gerbil-wheel called motherhood. Then, there are other days - like the past few - where I feel like I have actually made some progress. I couldn't tell you what is different except the outcome.

The deck is stained, the mulch is spread. Best of all, I can see the top of my desk and my kitchen counter-tops! Even despite my best attempts at going "paperless", there seems to be a non-stop influx of paper into my house. Piles here and there - some to be sorted and filed, some require an action before they can be thrown away. It just seems to collect here.

Granted, I have a pair of first graders who tote reams of worksheets home every month. I get duplicate newsletters and announcements - but at least I have a better shot than most of actually GETTING the information! I am constantly perusing it, pulling out the "really good stuff" and dumping the rest in the recycling.

The church yard sale is coming up, so I have also been sorting through cabinets and closets. We're inundated with "stuff", and I'm breaking free! Bags of stuff we don't need and don't use will turn into cash for the youth. Win-win in my book!

My CD's are selling on Half.com, some books are listed. I even put some of my photographs - mostly of Chaco Canyon, NM - up on eBay. I had framed them to bring to a local coffee shop to display - though I won't tell you how long ago.... I've done nothing but dust them.

I am making progress. It feels so freeing!! As I find space in my closets, in my kitchen and in my garage, I am amazed at how much more deeply I can breathe. Just wait til I tackle the play room!

It's not fast-going, but it's going... Thank You, God!

Choosing "Freedom"

Every Sunday, there seems to be a theme in the music. There is a word or a phrase that I find myself signing again and again. This week, the topic was freedom. Not only did I sign "free", "save", and "redeem"(again, and again, and again!), I broke chains across my heart, and ties to the world. I showed the "power of sin" being "destroy"ed, pushed behind, and crumbling down to nothing then blown away. If only it were that easy.

I laughed - and then I cried - at the realization Saturday night. All these songs about being free, and I certainly wasn't feeling that way. I was feeling more "blind", "confused", "struggle"-ing, "bound" and "broken-heart"-ed

The other irony that didn't escape me: We were just finishing our fall break week. Our "vacation". Freedom - from school...but not from a full calendar! And, as I lay in my bed Saturday night, weeping, I wondered how I got back "here" again. Bound to the schedule, and tied up in sugar and caffeine.

It didn't seem quite right that I'd be standing up there signing about "Amazing Grace" and "freedom" feeling as bound as I did. But, then again, if you know the story of Grace and freedom, it is a story that is "not quite right". It is that part which makes it "Amazing". Besides, one thing I've learned about obedience - I can't let my feelings of inadequacy keep me from stepping forth.

So, step forth I did - with tears streaming down at one point. Song after song. Somewhere in the middle of it all - the tears were gone, and joy was springing forth. Hope had returned

"And like a flood, His mercy rains. Unending Love, Amazing Grace"

Maybe it IS that easy. Freedom is mine to claim. Yet, I often set it aside, and find myself tangled up again where I don't belong - allowing my hands and feet to be shackled, if not shackling them myself. Why is it that I do that? Why do I not accept the freedom I am given?

Therein lies the difficultly - choosing to accept the gift, and in doing so, turning away from the chains that so sweetly bind.

Keep me close to You - help me choose well. May I choose to be free.