Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Illusion of Control

I spent some time talking with a friend - catching up on the goings on in our lives. It's a "Letting Go" moment for her, and she expressed some fear. I mirrored her statement with a reply indicating that her fear wasn't really about what she had named..... it was about giving up control.

I flashed back to all the times my dear friend Karen had said "You don't have to control it" or "Stop trying to control it." or simply "Let go." Over and over and over she had to remind me. If she were still alive, she'd STILL need to remind me.

Oh yeah - I still have my "plan", my agenda. And, I still get a little ticked off when God doesn't fall in line with that.

The irony of the whole mess: control is an illusion. I can truly control very little. My attitude is one thing - where I focus my attention is another. That may be about it.

I can't control other people. I can't control places, events, things....

So... why do I try? Somewhere between wishful thinking and stubborn pride, the answer lies.

But, even that is the wrong answer. That answer is my attempt to fix yet another problem that is out of my control. I'm always sure if I can UNDERSTAND it, I can control it.... or at least modify it more toward my liking.

The real answer is a paradox - one of my favorites: "We Surrender to win". As I surrender and follow along with God's plan - rather than heading out on my own - I find peace. I find hope. In the midst of God's plan there is peace and joy and hope and love. There is completeness. There may be pain and struggle as well, but usually, that is Him trying to get me to remove my hands from something I'm desperately trying to cling to.

It may seem like we're running straight toward a valley, when the more rational solution would seem to be taking the path that leads to the bridge. So like me to want to find the short-cut between mountain top experiences. But so true that it's in the valley that we grow and grow-in-Him.

I don't understand it. I can't control it.

But, if God's in the midst of it, I wanna be there too... even if it means letting go.....

1 comment:

Jae said...

with lots of love and thanks....