Friday, February 20, 2009

Going Past the Edge of My Self..

I was standing on my yoga mat, doing "chair". My arms were WAY past the point of being comfortable extended over my head. I was reminded of the beginnings of my yoga practice, reaching my arms up toward the sky until I thought for sure they would fall off - or at least be numb forever.

But at that moment, it didn't seem strange that I was back there. There have been many things lately that have been reminiscent of the same period of time. At first it barely made the radar, but then, as more and more things brought me back there mentally, I thought, "OK, what's going on...?" Louder and louder, the Gentle Voice Within was saying "Pay attention. This is important."

Many times, those flashbacks remind me of how much I have to be grateful for, how much I've grown. I've learned that when I feel like I'm back where I started, I need to look more closely. More often than not, I'm in a similar place, not the same place. There has been growth, there is a different perception. Perhaps it was me feeling under the weather that made it feel different. Perhaps it was that I needed to learn...

I remembered the early days of yoga, when God met me on my mat - routinely. I remember being actively challenged by my instructor - to be pushed past the edge of my self: Out of my comfort zone. As I have grown and mastered some of the basic skills, built up some strength and flexibility, something changed.

I realized, as well, that something WITHIN ME changed. LOTS of things, actually, but I'm thinking of one in particular. As my life improved, I quit pushing to the edge of my self. Change didn't seem as crucial. In my yoga practice, I'd simply drop my arms if they were tired, while my instructor was explaining the posture. No big deal.

Or is it....?

Tonight, with the awareness of reminiscence, I tried something different. Rather than just going as far as I could under my own power, then quitting, I paused...

There I was, in "chair", sure that my arms wouldn't last a moment longer. Next thing I know, I am thinking, then silently whispering: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Over and over again. "I can do all things...." My arms lost their heaviness, and next thing I know my instructor was leading us out of the posture.

Exhaling, I knew... He is still waiting to meet me on my mat - in my life. I must be willing to go past the edge of my self. I must step out of my comfort zone, rely on Him, and trust that all will be well. I must not rely on my own understanding, nor my own strength.

The possibilities are endless, if I do not trap myself within my self.

Be with me here....lead me there...

1 comment:

Pam said...

this is very touching to me today. i think after we go through things that are so huge, sometimes we lose that intimacy as things ease some... i don't want to lose that... this is what comes to mind as i read this.