The Lessons Continue

Over a month ago, the Deaf Ministry agreed to read Ephesians together. I was a little delayed in starting, but I am, of course, amused (but not surprised) at how perfectly the content of that book correlates with the lessons I am being taught right now.

I have found myself recently in situations that I anticipated would be awkward at best, perhaps with an array of fiery darts headed my way. That day, I picked up my bible, searching for some guidance. Not knowing where else to turn, I opened to Ephesians. I found it difficult to focus on the Letter itself, and started reading my notes in the margins. Notes about redeeming the time and walking in Christ-likeness. What stood out to me when I read it was, chapter 6, verse 16. Donning the Full Armor of God. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I was reminded the Shield of Faith could extinguish (not deflect, but EXTINGUISH) those fiery darts, if I should take it up. (I did my very best)

Today I picked it up and was reminded of putting off my old self, and putting on the new. I am not the woman I once was. Of that I am sure. Thinking of it isn't even comfortable. It doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore. Yet sometimes I fear I will fall back into it. I appreciate Paul's reminders, written so long ago, and applicable still to me today.

As I read, I thought back to the music I had playing during my morning run. A band called Skillet, singing "Awake and Alive". Through it, I was comforted and encouraged. By the end of the run, I felt empowered again! I'd heard over and over again the story of being "at war with the world", trying to "pull [them] into the dark". But, they had "Decided In Advance" not to sell their souls. Still, they felt weak in their faith, and felt their strength fading fast... And just like happens with me, He comes in, breathes in His new life, and they are reminded again of their faith and their decision. As I signed "I'm awake and I'm alive", the 'awake' came off my hands as "open-hearted". Oh, yeah. That.

Add to that a reminder this evening that "no matter what the obstacle, we can push through it, as long as we continue to try." My head did one of those double takes where I nearly miss the words, knowing their purpose is to teach me on a level much deeper than is merely apparent. Fortunately, it was written down, and the paper was coming with me. I can push through these obstacles, with perseverance, and "through Him who gives me strength". (What the Deaf Ministry just FINISHED reading together... Philippians.)

I am grateful that He continues to stand by me, encourage me, strengthen me, renew me - through His Word, the words and music that touch my heart, and the people He sends to walk beside me on this earth.

Why I ever doubt, I will never know...

Marathon Days

Today was a marathon day.

It began early in the morning.... earlier than I anticipated, actually, with my son asking for the code to allow him to watch a show on TV. When I asked "what time is it?" and he replied "3:30", I sent him to bed, and dosed a bit myself....

Then, the typical Service Thursday - Mom's in Touch meeting, and time at the school. There was the mental challenge. It's standardized testing week, so the kindergarteners, first graders and second graders have been combined into groups for special projects. They've been interesting, and I have perfected my redirection skills.

The afternoon was the physical marathon: a dog walk, an hour of mowing the grass and then the completion of my 4.5 mile walk before karate/MMA.

It was a good reminder for me -in either situation, mental or physical, I can lean on Philippians 4:13.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Bit by Bit...

I'm seeing slow progress on many fronts.

I am encouraged beyond belief.

Slow and steady wins the race.

And I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Let it be so.....

Even This....

Driving home from Karate, I thought about the previous hour. I had endured what I thought I could not have. As we were practicing, two thoughts battled back and forth in my head:

"why would anyone DO this....... voluntarily?!"

"why did it take me so long to get here?"

As I turned down the main road, I thought, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..."

"....even this...." I said aloud.

It is definitely going to be a challenge. But I'm a girl who likes a challenge.

Now, whether I use my arms well enough to interpret on Sunday is yet to be seen.

But "even this", I will trust to His strength and ability!

Peace, Silence and 4:13

I hear all sorts of stories of divorce. There appear to be as many variations on the theme of "cooperation and co-parenting" as there are people.

I am fortunate. My divorce is amicable, and my ex is an involved and supportive father. It's not a perfect situation, but it is better than many.... perhaps better than most. I thank God for that!

I also thank God for making Himself very, very present in my life as I was walking through that process. It was a definite Philippians 4:13 experience. I could not have done it alone.

Twice a summer (at least!), I experience another 4:13 period. My children go stay with their dad for a week at a time. I have no concerns for them while they are away. I know they are being well cared for and well loved. But, I also know they are not HERE.

On the surface that may seem like every mother's dream. And yes, the idea of it - and even the first couple of hours - are wonderful! But then the reality sinks in .... as does the silence.

Gone are the never-ending "Mom, Mom, MOM!!" choruses, and the thoughts of preparing meals on a kids-stomach schedule. I can fall asleep knowing I will not awaken with the thump of a kid's arm across my forehead. But as every mother knows.... something is not right. There is something missing here, and I long for their return.

May He make His presence known to me in the peace and stillness of my home, and bring peace and stillness to my heart.

Phil 4:13 - I can do all things through him who strengthens me. ESV

Going Past the Edge of My Self..

I was standing on my yoga mat, doing "chair". My arms were WAY past the point of being comfortable extended over my head. I was reminded of the beginnings of my yoga practice, reaching my arms up toward the sky until I thought for sure they would fall off - or at least be numb forever.

But at that moment, it didn't seem strange that I was back there. There have been many things lately that have been reminiscent of the same period of time. At first it barely made the radar, but then, as more and more things brought me back there mentally, I thought, "OK, what's going on...?" Louder and louder, the Gentle Voice Within was saying "Pay attention. This is important."

Many times, those flashbacks remind me of how much I have to be grateful for, how much I've grown. I've learned that when I feel like I'm back where I started, I need to look more closely. More often than not, I'm in a similar place, not the same place. There has been growth, there is a different perception. Perhaps it was me feeling under the weather that made it feel different. Perhaps it was that I needed to learn...

I remembered the early days of yoga, when God met me on my mat - routinely. I remember being actively challenged by my instructor - to be pushed past the edge of my self: Out of my comfort zone. As I have grown and mastered some of the basic skills, built up some strength and flexibility, something changed.

I realized, as well, that something WITHIN ME changed. LOTS of things, actually, but I'm thinking of one in particular. As my life improved, I quit pushing to the edge of my self. Change didn't seem as crucial. In my yoga practice, I'd simply drop my arms if they were tired, while my instructor was explaining the posture. No big deal.

Or is it....?

Tonight, with the awareness of reminiscence, I tried something different. Rather than just going as far as I could under my own power, then quitting, I paused...

There I was, in "chair", sure that my arms wouldn't last a moment longer. Next thing I know, I am thinking, then silently whispering: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Over and over again. "I can do all things...." My arms lost their heaviness, and next thing I know my instructor was leading us out of the posture.

Exhaling, I knew... He is still waiting to meet me on my mat - in my life. I must be willing to go past the edge of my self. I must step out of my comfort zone, rely on Him, and trust that all will be well. I must not rely on my own understanding, nor my own strength.

The possibilities are endless, if I do not trap myself within my self.

Be with me here....lead me there...