Friday, January 2, 2009

The Song Remembers When...

It was her 26th birthday, and we went out singing....Karoake. Been a long, LONG time since I've done that. I sing to myself in the shower, at home, in the car. I sing to my kids. I sing as part of my church body, when I am not interpreting. But, publicly... uhm... not so much.

Some of the songs I knew, many I didn't. Some were well done, others, well....lets just say I made a comment about how pleased I was to have the "closed captioning" for those I couldn't understand. I enjoyed an evening of being with friends, and was also reminded of the influence music has in my life.

I am frequently aware of how it moves me in the present - I witness that every week, often daily, as the lyrics and melodies speak to me, calm me, focus my attention in a certain direction. But, I'd forgotten how vividly the past can be tied to a song as well. That night, there were a few from my junior high years - one in particular reminding me of the awkwardness of adolescence. (Agh!) And then, there was one, from MY 26th year.

I was in a different place in life - literally and figuratively. I was living in a different state, and certainly didn't have much "God-connect", then. Aside from a few moments of solitude and some 'soul-searching' in my journal, there was no structured time for God. What relationship I did have was haphazard at best - consisting solely of those moments where He would act so intently that He'd grab my attention...momentarily.

I had much "world-connect"...and a fair bit of drama.

Retrospectively, yes, I am sure God was "stalking" me then - and He definitely had my back. I'm sure I walked away mid-conversation more than once or twice, totally oblivious to what was going on. But, we live and we learn. And God loves and forgives us as we do. And patiently encourages us to seek Him.

Continually, He reaches for me, arms extended. What happens next is up to me. Do I reach back, or walk away? Do I listen and accept what is offered, or do I continue "my way" and see what I can come up with? I have done both. I don't have to tell you which is 'easier' - though it often doesn't seem that way at the time.

I am grateful for the reminders of where my life has been. Grateful for some perspective on the past and the path I have traveled. Every step I have taken has brought me to this moment, right now. God truly has blessed the broken road...

Did I make some choices that led to difficult terrain? Yes, absolutely. But, in the midst of it all, God was always with me. My awareness - or lack there of - had no bearing on His presence. He was there, I just couldn't see. Or wouldn't.

Thank You God for music - for the way You use it in my life: to speak to me in the present, and remind me of the past.

And thank You for the gentle reminders of where my life could be if I were to walk away from You.

1 comment:

Pam said...

Hey, you found my blog, so I am coming to check out yours... I will be back, your wisdom makes me wonder at your life experiences...