The Blessings and The Curses

Sometimes life just sends me those "mixed blessings". While a day off is certainly something I could enjoy - I've got much to accomplish before we head to camp! But, in my brain, it was an opportunity for some overtime.... that I thought I had scheduled.

I don't know exactly where the communication broke down. I do know that I am glad I called to confirm it before waking up early this morning and heading in.

So, a change of plans with certain blessings and a few potential curses.

I've come to decide, though... since the only thing I can control in this is my attitude....

I will cling to the blessings and trust that God will deal with the curses.

There is much good that can happen today.... so long as I keep my eyes focused THERE.

Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing. I was reminded of this as I was driving back from one of my jobs. I was somewhat introspective - evaluating the nature of my good mood.

It was self-seeking, I'm sure. You know.... figure out the elements involved in feeling good and they can be replicated. Theoretically. My mood, like the weather outside, was a bit of sunshine after a week or so of rain. Not that I was sad, particularly, but I was apparently trapped (again) in my schedule.

And, as I was attempting to distill the active ingredients of Joy and Peace, I laughed. My schedule isn't any freer this week than last - really. It will lull briefly around Thanksgiving - as much as a schedule can lull with two birthday sleep-over parties in a month. It will pick up again and then lull around Christmas. It's the nature of the beast.

So, the difference? My attitude. My perspective.

Focusing again on gratitude.

"Thank You, God....."

Choosing to live in Gratitude

At work, at home, or out in the world, I notice people tend to fall into one of two camps: Gratitude or Victim.

It's not so much the external events that designate placement, but an internal choice of which glasses to wear. I've seen people experience life-changing trauma and their view continues to be out the window of Gratitude. For others, life is pretty good by most standards, and still their outlook comes from a place of bitterness with a song of "poor me"...

I have lived in both camps - and I have jumped from one to the other (and back!) many, many times. I am fortunate to have had a friend who would point out the victim in me when I didn't see her. "I have to do this, I have to do that..." would bring reminders that I choose to do them all.

Many times it didn't seem like a choice. But it was - I was choosing to do what was necessary to care for infants and keep my job. It was the right choice, even though I didn't feel like doing it at the time, and didn't feel like there was another option. There is always another option.

I wish I knew a way to move someone permanently to a position of gratitude. My patients with an "attitude of gratitude" seem to do better as they recover from their injuries compared to those who focus on how they've been wronged. If only they would believe me when I remind them of how blessed they are. If only they knew the power of gratitude.

Focusing my attention on what I have been given rather than on what I lack has made a tremendous impact on my life... Life changing. Literally. My perspective influences every decision I make.

Every choice: Gratitude or Victim. With each event or interaction, I am given the opportunity to choose. What will I decide? How shall I view it? Will I remember?

I have much for which to be grateful. Even in the midst of grief and struggles. In the whirlwind of the end of school year schedule, I am blessed.

Very, Very Blessed.

I choose Gratitude!

"Don't-Mess-With-Me"

I've notice that I attribute certain characteristics to different articles of clothing. I have a sweater that I almost always wear when I'm needing comfort, certain earrings when I'm needing some balance. There are the moccasins that I got when I was in New Mexico years ago, that remind me of the same bold-adventuresome-yet-quietly-soul-searching mood that I was in when I bought them. And then... there are these. These are my "don't-mess-with-me" shoes!

I've found that I've been wearing them a lot lately, after months (perhaps years) of them being untouched in my closet. Why? First of all, they have a heel. I'm fairly tall - "for a girl" - and I've spent decades of my life trying NOT to draw attention to that. Secondly, they "clack" when I walk, so there is no denying that I'm coming. There is no sneaking in and sneaking out. I am, without a doubt walking through life and leaving audible footprints. Something about that combination enhances the whole "stand-tall-for-who-you-are" attitude, and makes it undeniably real. In a "Don't-mess-with-me!" mood, they are most likely on my feet!

It's probably the the season I am in now. Being still, sorting through and sifting out the things that don't belong in my life anymore. Whether it be "stuff" or attitudes or events. I've had to stand tall in some situations and say "THIS is who I am", "THIS is what is important in my life", "THIS best demonstrates the place that God has in my life". The rest must go.

It's definitely a change of practice for me - I usually just slide into my old Birkenstocks, but, ya' know what? I'm finding out, they're actually pretty comfortable!

The Answers are Within...

"The answers are within" is one of those phrases that I believe is true.... from the right perspective. I also believe that through the years, the focus has shifted... and the caveat lost: "within me" doesn't mean "from me"...



More often than not, when I am searching for an answer, I already know it.... I am just not yet willing to acknowledge it. In those situations, I'll keep coming back to it, but deny it over and over again.



"Can't be right... too easy".



"Can't be right... too hard".



"Can't be right... it just can't".



"Can't be right... I don't want that!"



Yet, I keep returning to it....finally, I surrender. The whirling in my brain ceases, and my heart can begin it's journey. In the end, I realize " Yup, it's right".



There are also times when I truly don't know the answer. I seek council from friends, advisors, the internet. Finally, when I've exhausted those options, I take time to sit with God. I ask Him for guidance, wisdom, discernment.... courage, humility, grace. There, I find answers.



One important note, however....



They are not MY answers. They are not answers based upon MY "wisdom", MY will/power, MY authority. Those "answers" get me into trouble... fast! My answers are based in fear, in extremes, and in avoiding painful situations. His are based in love, balance and grace. Sometimes they are messy.... and painful. But, they lead to truth, and abundant life. They free me from my chains.



The answers are within me. Whisperings of the Spirit. When I am quiet enough to listen, I hear. When I am stubborn enough to ignore, He waits patiently, or speaks louder. When I continue in my ways, I reap what I sow.



May I listen. May I hear. May I walk where You lead.

Shifting the focus

I was feeling particularly unprepared to interpret. But, there I was, standing on the stage, struggling through, feeling completely inept and unqualified for the task at hand (no pun intended!)

Then, my focus shifts to the boy in the front row - to the Joy in my son, as he dances before God..... or perhaps it was the embarrassment, as he boogied up onto the stage to hug my left leg.

Either way, I noticed: When I shifted the focus off of my self - off of my own insecurities in my abilities, the signs come off my hands without a problem....

Thinking back to this day - which occurred over the summer- is a good reminder for me today. Sunday is quickly approaching, and I have no idea what the music will be. Talking about feeling "particularly unprepared to interpret". Usually, I have had a few days to review the music, and get it "into my body" and the lyrics onto my hands. Doesn't appear like that will occur this week.

Oh - did I mention that this week there is also a children's program, and they'll be rehearsing when the band usually does.

And, did I also mention that my mother is here from out of town. She's never seen me interpret before.... oh... no pressure...

I will say, though, I am pleased to realize that my first instinct is NOT to just dump it into the other interpreter's - the real interpreter's - lap. My first instinct is to pray over and over again, that there will be some music I *do* know.... and mostly, that I will be able to remove my Self from the equation, and fully rely on God.

Help me to remember... it's so not about me and what I can or cannot do....

It's all about You...

"It's all good"

There is a woman in my life whom I really admire. Her motto "It's all good". More often than not, that is her response to any situation. Her optimism and enthusiasm for life and learning is contagious, and I am encouraged and restored when I have spent some time in her presence.

But, I struggled with that for a while ... sometimes I thought, "uhm... no, this kinda SUCKS". And then I thought back to the other times in my life that have "kinda sucked". With enough time and perspective, all the things that "sucked" turned out to be wonderful gifts. The event themselves, may not seem like a gift - especially not at the time - but some truly were, and others were indirectly. Others caused me enough pain to get off my duff and DO something different.

More often than not my moments of being "stalked" appear this way - difficult - though often with enough grace and support to keep me focused on walking through.

"It's all good". In every situation there is good. If it's not clearly evident, I need to keep walking on faith until I have enough distance and perspective to see it.

Thank you God for the good in my life... even that which is disguised as struggle.

Maintaining a Positive Attitude

We're right smack dab in the middle of fall break. I find that a little amusing and ironic. It hasn't really been a "break" for me. True there's not school, but the calendar hasn't slowed down any. As a matter of fact, it's a time to schedule in some things that need to happen - like the dentist - so they don't have to MISS school.

One of the things we've been planning to do this break is go "cabin camping". We'll drive to the state park tomorrow as soon as our chores are done and the car is packed. There we'll hike and enjoy the out of doors, maybe catch a pony ride. We'll see what we feel like when we get there.

The kids are excited that the cabin has two bunk beds - so they'll both get the top. The boy-child is not thrilled to hear that there will be no Game Cube, but there will be s'mores, so it might not be all bad.

Over all, we're thrilled to be going. Then there is the weather forcast. It's been really dry here this year. But, tomorrow, it may rain. And the girl-child, who had teeth pulled today, has a little tummy ache.

In times past, I may have spent this evening worrying about the weather, or whether my daughter will "irk" (our word for 'throw up') tonight. Neither, I have any control over. Neither are worth ruining my evening stressing about.

It's one of the ways powerlessness helps me maintain a positive attitude. There are very few things that I can control in my life. My attitude is one of them. Keeping my domain of control in it's proper perspective is key in that endeavor!

Yes, I will pray that the rain holds off, and that my daughter is feeling well. But - whatever happens - we are blessed!