Shifting the focus

I was feeling particularly unprepared to interpret. But, there I was, standing on the stage, struggling through, feeling completely inept and unqualified for the task at hand (no pun intended!)

Then, my focus shifts to the boy in the front row - to the Joy in my son, as he dances before God..... or perhaps it was the embarrassment, as he boogied up onto the stage to hug my left leg.

Either way, I noticed: When I shifted the focus off of my self - off of my own insecurities in my abilities, the signs come off my hands without a problem....

Thinking back to this day - which occurred over the summer- is a good reminder for me today. Sunday is quickly approaching, and I have no idea what the music will be. Talking about feeling "particularly unprepared to interpret". Usually, I have had a few days to review the music, and get it "into my body" and the lyrics onto my hands. Doesn't appear like that will occur this week.

Oh - did I mention that this week there is also a children's program, and they'll be rehearsing when the band usually does.

And, did I also mention that my mother is here from out of town. She's never seen me interpret before.... oh... no pressure...

I will say, though, I am pleased to realize that my first instinct is NOT to just dump it into the other interpreter's - the real interpreter's - lap. My first instinct is to pray over and over again, that there will be some music I *do* know.... and mostly, that I will be able to remove my Self from the equation, and fully rely on God.

Help me to remember... it's so not about me and what I can or cannot do....

It's all about You...

Ooh Tidings of Comfort and Joy....

Today has been one of those sweet, sweet days where God comes and meets me in the midst of my mess. I've been learning (again) about walls - in myself and in others - and my frustration on both sides.

When I'm in "learning mode", I don't much like being with groups of people - even groups of women I love dearly. But, I had made special arrangements to be able to attend the Women's Brunch for church, so I went.

On the way, I was listening to the songs for Sunday's worship service - getting them "into my body", so that they will more easily come off my hands as I interpret. Our first Christmas song arrives this week: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". As I drove and sang, and watched the signs that appeared somewhere deep behind my eyes, I thought "I sure could use some 'tidings of comfort and joy' "

Not too long after I'd arrived, one woman pulled me aside. "I have something for you," she said, "It's for your tree." I opened the box and unwrapped the bubble wrap. As the layers peeled away, I could see the shape - a hummingbird. "Because you've brought me so much joy". Oh yes, if you know me, you know the tears came. (*I* have brought *her* joy? I see the reverse...)

I thought back to the summer when I'd posted about, and she and I had talked about, hummingbirds. The tears didn't surprise me - it's another reason I avoid groups in "learning mode" - I cry *really* easily. The trembling, however, caught me unprepared. I hugged her and thanked her, and excused myself to the bathroom.

"Oh, God..." It's one of those weird prayers of mine that encompasses "meet me here" and "you ARE here". It comes out during those times when I want to say *something*, but there is nothing to say that is remotely adequate for the situation.

I tried to compose myself, wipe my eyes, and re-enter society. It worked pretty well until the music started and I got to see "Mary Did You Know" and "Breath of Heaven" in American Sign Language, off the hands of my friend and mentor.

After the speaker, we exchanged Christmas ornaments, by number. I received one that said "Believe" on one side and contained Luke 2:30 - 32 on the other. There could not have been a more perfect ornament for me. In my home, year round, the word "Believe" is portrayed again and again.

I spent the afternoon out in the world, running errands - and meeting Him again and again.

As I walked through the neighborhood with my dog, (ipod in and blaring!) I signed (GREAT BIG) "Tidings of comfort and joy"

Thank You for meeting me in the midst of my mess.. with comfort and with joy.