Friday, August 19, 2011

Surrender...and hope.

I tried to start this post on surrender last night, but it just wouldn't come to me. I was struggling with the concept. Struggling with the fact that, as I have been re-reading some of my blog posts through recent years, it keeps coming up. "I need to surrender." , "I need to fully trust.", "I need to let go." Yet, still I struggle.

I'd read some on it, and asked for others' thoughts on it - and on WHY it is so difficult. Cognitively, I can list out all the reasons why I should, and why it's really the only "appropriate" response - knowing what I know and believing what I believe about God truly being who He says he is, and knowing and believing what He has done throughout history, on the cross, and in my life, personally.

Looking back a little farther than the past few years, I can see the changes that He has made in my life. Nothing short of miraculous, some of them. And yet, I struggle...

I awakened to find an emailed response to my question. The sun wasn't quite up, and it was still and quiet, so after I read it, I lay quiet and still. I was aware of a song gently playing in the back of my mind, and closed my eyes to be with it... and with Him. I kept coming back to something I'd read - at least twice in the past 24 hours.... about Paul. My friend had referenced scripture, and my thoughts kept returning there.

Opening my eyes, I reached for my bible and opened to Romans 7:15, and started reading... and re-reading. Clear through to the end of the next chapter. Paul had started talking about not understanding why he was doing the things he did not want to do, and could not do the things he wanted to do.

As I am reading, I am amazed at the words, phrases and concepts that are there on the page. So many tie in with much of what I have been hearing, reading, praying and studying over the past few weeks. I find myself nodding, smiling and wiping tears. Especially once I hit the end of chapter 8.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers. Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ, our Lord"

Now, if I'm not mistaken, much of that list is similar to the verse in Ephesians talking about spiritual warfare.

and THAT...! That gives me hope.

1 comment:

Cyrus said...

Such hope, Linda... Awesome! Thank you for this little bit of encouragement!