Monday, August 15, 2011

A Little Caution About "That Place...."

Please know that I write this very tongue-in-cheek, but seriously.... wow.

I need to remember to be cautious when going to "that place beyond the noise...". I also need to remember that when I do so at night - and end my day with a quiet, reflective prayer that pretty much says, "God.... whatever you need to do... You've got my heart, it's Yours..." - I may not sleep as well as I may have hoped.

I may just find that He speaks to me in my dreams - which wakes me up.

I may just find that I continue to long for the song to play again and again as I drive between visiting patients.

I may ALSO find that when I get back in my car, and press "play" on my iPod, that the song may start in such a place and He may say, "See THIS verse? THIS is the line I really want you to hear..." He may also remind me that there is still a "point of [my] breaking" that has yet to occur. And in the darkness that remains behind that wall of my heart, He can still see.

He is still shining the light to help me find all the dreams I left behind. And while that sounds exciting on one hand - on the other, I'm pretty comfortable in the "darkness" that is my own stubborn self-sufficiency.

I may then find myself in search of a tissue to wipe my eyes so I can see the road clearly, and make it appear to the next patient that I haven't been touched by a song to the point of tears.

I know it is all good - He has shown me a couple of those dreams I left behind. Just, getting there.... it's going to be a process that will require trust, faith and action.

"Lead on, Lord," I say, as I press "play" again.... perhaps He will let me hear, see and feel some more.

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