Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Story. Your Plan.

I heard a song today - I'm sure I've heard it before, but today it captured me. Well, at least a line of it did... so much so that I felt the need to write it down:

"Somehow my story is part of Your plan...."

That line has haunted me all afternoon. Tapping itself out in the back of my mind.... My story. Your plan. Your plan. My story. My story PART OF Your plan. Hmmm... YOUR plan. My story...

When I think of my story - past, present, future - as part of His plan... Wow. Gives it some perspective. Once again, it's so not about me. Humility. Being teachable. (Teach me...)

Then I think of how the events of my life thus far relate to what is going on NOW - the confirmations I am presented with again and again. Hearing the same thing being "said" to me in various ways from different sources, my attention focuses there. I try to figure out what it all means...try to find the lesson hidden in the themes and messages. The song continues, and I am assured that I don't have to have all the answers.

"I'm just one of the pieces. I can't put this together, but You can"

(Help me to simply listen, surrender, and obey.)

I think of the struggles I've had through the years, and the ones that pop up here and there. Some are harder than others. Some seem unbearable at times. The next line speaks the truth of my life experience, and brings hope and reassurance:

"Are You not the closest when it is hardest to stand?"

Those most difficult times are the times when I've seen Him most intimately involved in my life - not always IN THE MOMENT, but absolutely, retrospectively. (And, just so you know, those times where I've seen only retrospectively, I was focused elsewhere in the moment - usually on "poor pitiful me")

Listening to it again (and again) - I have it playing over and over as I write this - the phrase "Lord send me" is resonating now. That's it, isn't it.... "Lord send me".

I shudder as I think of the possibility of "having" to stand before God and my congregation and sign it one day. That is one powerful phrase. A powerful, powerful request. A complete act of surrender to His will. Add to it the signs of "All-of-me here", and it's life-changing. To actually live that out. To actually stand in that anointed spot and sing/sign "Here I am. Lord send me". I want that!

I am not standing in "that spot", nor am I standing before many. But before You, I stand and say: "Here I am. Lord send me"

Use my story as part of Your plan.



(The song is "Here I am" by Downhere, if you want to search them further.)

Oh heck... here are the lyrics (you can hear it - full length - on their website though! DO!!):



Here I am

Sometimes your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze,

You reach for the deepest hope in me,

And call out for the things of eternity.

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say,

CHORUS:
Here I am, Lord send me,

All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,

Here I am


When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,

Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,

Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.
These broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing


Here I am, Lord send me,

All of my life, I make an offering,

Here I am, Lord send me,

Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,

I can't put this together but you can.


Here I am, Lord send me,

I wanna live my life as an offering

Here I am, Lord send me,

Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am
Here I am,
my life an offering to you, to you

Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,

Here I am

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