Hometown USA

I'd never been to the county fair. We didn't have them growing up in New England - or if they did, my parents kept it a secret! I've been to the TN state fair, but that's a little different...this was our little hometown rural country fair.

So we had a family learning experience! We rode on the "hay ride" with the karate school in the parade, and the we began our experience. Admission and whatever rides we wanted - priceless!

I remembered back to some of the times I'd gone with my friends to our carnival - basically, same thing. As a teenager, I had chosen a different name to use if the ride operators began to flirt.

The night had a cool breeze, and the was a feeling of adventure in the air. It smelled like the carnivals of days past - a mixture of fried dough, cotton candy and cigarette smoke, with a bit of freshly trampled grass lingering underneath. Not my favorite - bit fitting.

The lights flashed, music blared and people screamed as a the rides they were on dropped suddenly. Some days, it would be too much - the noise, the smells, the visual noise. But, tonight I found myself tapping my foot to the music as my kids rode the bob sleds.

It was a wonderful evening: the kids got to ride on whatever they wanted, and I got to ride with them on the Ferris wheel, and hear their laughter and excitement as we walked around.

Thank You, God for sweet time with my kids....

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Waiting Upon the Lord....

My father would have told you that I was BORN impatient. (He did, in fact, tell me that... repeatedly...) Apparently, I couldn't wait for my due date and arrived two weeks early. So, clearly, it's in my nature and it's something I struggle with from time to time.

I'd found myself frustrated with several things by the end of the week, and went to sleep Saturday night asking God a lot of "why" s and "how long" s.

There has also been a lot of talk in my world about "follow through". You know, doing what you say, sticking with something through completion, and doing the next right thing because it is the next right thing to do.

A book that I have been reading as well, talks about the fact that diets don't fail, we fail to stick to them. (The exact quote - that hit me between the eyes and smack dab in the middle of my heart when I opened the book for the first time, to that exact page where the words jumped off the page at me - is: "How many diets does it take to lose weight? Only the one you stick to." Ouch.)

So there I sit, Sunday morning, at work, idly tracing my collar bone with my finger. I noticed it was a little more prominent, but my weight has been one of the "why" s and "how long" s I had been discussing with God. (Trust me, I know the answer to both of those - that book made it VERY clear to me... again...) As all of those thoughts swirled through my head, I glanced up.

On the counter was a statue of an eagle with a plaque. It read:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~~Isaiah 40:31 "

And there it was. Again. *whap* between the eyes and deep into my heart.

"But they that wait upon the Lord..." "They that wait" get these things. Not those that jump out and try to do it in their own way and in their own time. I've tried that. Didn't work so hot.

Once again, God speaks, and I was reminded: It's in HIS timing. Not mine.

Caught in Our Habits

I was dropping a child off to her mom, when she greeted me with a reusable grocery bag that she held bunched at the top. "I thought you might like to see this!" She knows me - knows my love for nature.

As she opened the bag, I grabbed my phone to take a picture. It was a sweet little humming bird that had been trapped in her garage. The bird had apparently been following it's instincts to fly UP when it felt itself to be in danger, or need to flee. Unfortanately for humming birds, garages have ceilings.

As I left, she smiled and said "I'm sure it's a blog post...." Certainly. It just took me a couple of days to figure it out exactly.

Over the next few days I kept being included in discussions about habits and changing habits. Ah. So that is what it is. Our habits become somewhat instinctual if we let them rule. If they are "good" habits, that's not a problem. It's letting our "bad" habits become instinctual that becomes a problem.

So as I think back over the years - I have been successful in changing some "bad" habits, and continue to work on changing others.

If nothing else, when I am in situations where "bad" habits have dominated, I am learning to pause, look around and ask God for guidance and direction before I jump to the instinct.

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My Heart's Desire....

It has happened twice today. A desire of my heart has been granted! YES!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that everything I want I will be given. But, when I am focused on Him and my heart is aligned with His, the odds are better! These two things - perhaps not "big" things in the scheme of things, but definitely high on my "heart's desire" list today!

As I think of that term - "heart's desire" - I wonder exactly what that entails... sometimes I don't have the words to describe it.... and other times the describable "wants" are clearly not in my best interest. Then again, if I notice where I am focused, things become clearer.

As I began to think further, I was reminded of this verse:

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

It makes sense to me.... for as I "delight in" the Lord, I admire and adore Him. I become appreciative of Him and content in and with Him. It is then that our hearts align.

At that point in my thought process, the chorus of a song I used to sing at church ran through my head - and I found myself singing in the kitchen as I prepared for work...

You alone are my strength, my shield
To you alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship thee

Yeah.... that's it.

When I can be "there", life is good.

So, right now.... life is good!

Thank You God!

It's Not What I Know....

It's what I do...

I've heard that again and again lately. And, as I was looking through some previous blog titles, I found this one, and was transported back to the MMA classroom.

This past week, I stood there, as I was reciting The Student Creed. "I will develop self-discipline, in order to bring out the best in myself and others". Always, I think of my kids as the "others".

I know there are ways I could improve my self-discipline that would "bring out the best" in me and my children.

But, it's not what I know that it important.... it is what I DO.

It's the little steps I make day by day, poco a poco, toward the vision that He has for and of me. It is putting what I know into action. It's turning my compass toward Him and focusing my lens on what He is saying and what He is doing in my life. It is listening intently and hearing clearly.

And then, I must respond. I walk. I act.

It doesn't matter what I know....

It is what I DO that allows me to experience Him fully, and lets other people see what I know and believe.

Moments of Simple Joy: The breeze

There was a definite theme today: My gratitude for the breeze.

I noticed it several times: on my walk, sitting at my computer, sitting at the table to eat. It's here and the temperatures and humidity are down enough that I can have my windows open. So, as I pass from room to room, I notice the breeze and the way it gives life to my house.

Ever since my days in "the womb house", the breeze has reminded me of the Hand of God. While I was living there, I would walk daily on an abandoned railroad track turned walking trail. Day after day, as I approached the trestle bridge, the breeze would brush the hair out of my face. It was like the Hand of God was making itself known to me in a very real way. I'd quicken my pace as I approached, and I am sure even said "hi..." aloud from time to time.

It's still like that. I love the breeze. I love how it reminds me of the tenderness that God has extended my way. I love how it's presence in my home and just at the right time when I am walking or mowing reminds me of the presence and perfect timing of God in my everyday life.

Right here, right now. Here with me.

If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

I've heard that line a lot lately.... and have used it a couple of times myself. It's just SO true.

So it's time.... gotta shake it up a bit. Even just one small step in the right direction each day is one small step closer to where things need to be. Whether it's putting something away immediately, or doing the sit up series even when I don't have my official class. Perhaps it's letting my phone read me the daily scripture, or tackling one of the "to do" s that have been on the list for a while.

There must be change... continuous, never-ending improvement. I need to step when and where He speaks, for He will lead the way.

Lead on....

Catch up Day!

I love catch-up days! Taking a day to check off the things on the to do list that have been hanging over my head. The cat is good for another year at the vet - God willing - and the kids have a functional computer with anti-virus software running!

There are other things that need doing, but they will come....

If I can do one or two such "catch up" things every couple of days... WA-HOO! That would be fabulous!

Guess that's the goal.

God, help me to set the priorities! And, remind me that with You, all things are possible!

A Gift in Interpreting

I think one of the greatest gifts that has been given to me is my willingness to interpret. It certainly has brought me many blessings - and is a never ending opportunity to learn and connect with God.

Sunday morning, I had the opportunity to interpret a new song - TWICE - The Stand by Hillsong United.



It is a song the perfectly demonstrates the need to focus on the content of a song one is interpreting, as the word "stand" itself means several different things at different places in the song..

It was also a song that reminds me of how worshiping American Sign Language can bring the meaning closer to the heart, and the heart closer to God.

Several times during the song, I could feel it. Those times when the concept coming off of my hands was so much deeper for me than the words that were being voiced. Those times when God was seemingly talking to me right there on the box - through the music, through the lyrics, and through the signs that came off of my hands.

As the song progressed and I continued, "What can I say?" And as I stood there in the silent moment before the next line, my hands still up, my shoulders shrugging "what?" I knew the answer. "nothing." I got the same reply in response to the next question - "What can I do?" And then suddenly "OH! I know..." I can offer my heart completely to You....

I remember standing there "arms held high and heart abandoned" - which for me was "crying out" - feeling the total awe of the next line. I expounded on "the One who gave it all" by signing that "He had come and died in my place", or "was crucified in my place". That's powerful stuff.

It keeps me humble. It keeps me in awe.... and many days it keeps me in tears.

I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve and to worship in this way. May I never take it for granted!

The Joy of Girlfriends and Laughter

There is absolutely nothing like an evening hanging out with girlfriends. We laugh, we talk, we just enjoy...

I was blessed with an evening like this with some of my local girlfriends.... simple company, good food, catching up on summer events.

Thank You God for my girlfriends.... without a doubt, my cup runneth over.

The Peace in the Chaos

Driving home from my MMA training, I heard a song on the radio that perfectly describes how I feel when God is working in my life.

The chorus begins: "Whatever You're doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."

And that's it. That describes it.

I just feel Him moving. Doing "something" inside of me. I often don't have a clue until much later in the game. Sometimes it's not until the process is complete that I can see retrospectively what He has accomplished.

In the midst of it - and at the beginning, especially - it feels chaotic. "Something" has been shaken loose, or knocked out of place. Perhaps a light has been shown on an area of my life that previously has been in the dark and unnoticed.

Perhaps there is a loss - or a healing - and what was previously known as the status quo is all discombobulated. There is chaos.

Yet, still, as I step out - sometimes into the midst of the storm, it seems - there is peace.

I know You will never lead me where Your grace and protection cannot keep me. So I continue to step out on faith and trust.

Maybe, though, I could step out next time without so much delay.

"Whatever You're doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace...."

A Multitasking Win-Win

I have wondered about this 3rd grade homework situation! It's not that it's HARD, but it is time consuming. And, sometimes, it doesn't seem like there is enough of that to go around. Unfortunately things like 1:1 kid time and snuggle time get pushed aside. :(

So I did a little praying about it - specifically my daughters homework to "read 20 minutes every day". Again, not a lot of time, but...

And, not HARD, - she's a good reader - but.... getting her motivated to pick up her book is another story.

And then it hit me.... we could multi-task it.

I crawl into the chair-and-a-half, and she crawls in beside me. We set my phone timer for 20 minutes, and both pull out our books! (I mean, seriously, WHEN have *I* had 20 minutes to read previously?!)

It has been delightful. We both get to read our own books.... together. It rocks!

Thank You God for that solution! It's working fabulously!

Ouch....

I can tell I've been away from my MMA for a week during school vacation.

We were back again this week.

Apparently what I was doing during vacation week was not using the same muscles as we do when when do push ups...

BUT... I did ~ 30 push ups! (not all at once!) And that is nothing short of a miracle!

See.... they DO still exist!

Thank You God!

Il Doice Far Niete

"Il doice far niete." It's Italian. (I'm not)

Perhaps that is why it struck me so profoundly in the movie, Eat, Pray, Love.

"Il doice far niete" - the sweetness of doing nothing.

I have a wonderful role model for that here at my house. She's not Italian either, but I think all cats "get" the sweetness of doing nothing. I watch her just laying there, and sometimes find myself a bit jealous. But the lifestyle and responsibilities of an indoor cat and Mom-of-two are entirely different.

Yet, because of my reaction to that phrase when I heard it for the first time, I am going to try to learn from my cat.

There is a sweetness in doing nothing. Today, she and I sat on the chair-and-a-half (for about a minute-and-a-half) and did just that. Nothing.

Tomorrow, we hope to double our time.

I suspect I will find as I do that, I will better understand - experientially - Psalm 46:10. "Be still and know that I am God." I fully expect I will find the sweetness of Him in that stillness of doing nothing.

The People I've Never Met

It's funny, this internet world. I have had opportunities to meet people I may never have otherwise. My friend, Karen, for example. We met online. We'd known each other for several months before I invited her (and a bunch of other people I'd never met! to my house. People thought we were nuts. Perhaps we were. I just knew that the invitation was SO out of character for me, and still I was peaceful about it. It was one of the best things I've ever done.

I continue to meet and get to know people I've never met. I have a few that have become dear friends.

And then there are those I interacted with during my teleconference class. Interesting concept that is. LOVED it. After 12 weeks of meeting together, some of my classmates have posted pictures of themselves. It's interesting to see these people I've never met, yet have become acquainted with.

The instructor I will miss. She has a way of explaining things and a calm and peaceful demeanor. Her laugh is full of joy. I'd love to sit and chat with her face to face one day. God willing, perhaps it will happen.

And then there are those that I pray for. Some I know, some I don't. Some I don't even have names for.

Thank You, God for the people I've never met. And thank You for those I have. My life would not be the same without them.

Above All Else...

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

It is a phrase that has stuck with me since seeing Eat, Pray, Love. It's also a Proverb (4:23, to be exact). I love it.

For a long time, I thought "guard" meant protect, as in wall off. I kept it hidden, assuming that if it couldn't be found, it couldn't be hurt. It also couldn't be seen. I went through the actions of life without truly being connected to it.

As I think of it now, I realize that my thoughts, words and actions flow up from what is in my heart. And, what's in my heart depends on where it is focused.

If I have it focused on worldly things, my life will reflect that. If my heart's focus is on God, my life will reflect that as well.

If my heart is open to God's unfailing love for me, I will be able to offer love in return. If my heart is open to His words, I will be able to hear, and then act in a way that glorifies Him.

"Guarding" my heart is more like caring for my kids than putting up walls. Like my kids, my heart needs guidance and direction. When it starts to wander off task, or become distracted, it needs to be gently reminded to return. It needs kindness and encouragement. It needs to be protected from danger and temptation. It needs to be healthy and strong. It needs to be cared for. It needs to give and receive. It needs opportunities to experience joy. It needs clear boundaries and appropriate expectations. It needs to be loved unconditionally and know that it is Yours.

May I focus my heart toward You, and walk where You would have me go. Keep me open to Your guidance and wisdom and unafraid to let You pour forth.

Eat, Pray, Love, Sleep

I went to the movies with a long-time friend. We met shortly after I moved to TN, over 15 years ago!

We used to meet and talk almost every week. She and God and I. I didn't realize He was there too, in the beginning. I only knew how I felt when I left.

But that is another story for another day.

This evening, we went to see Eat, Pray, Love.... the movie.

More of that on another day as well.

For tonight, I must sleep...

Work beckens not long from now....

Vita Brevis, Carpe Diem

I am feeling very blessed, after having spent a busy "Friday the 13th" working at the hospital.

The day started with one of the staff extending both forearms over an empty bed space. On the right forearm was the phrase "Vita Brevis", on the Left "Carpe Diem" - "Life is short, seize the day".

How entirely ironic.

Less than an hour later, that bed was filled with someone experiencing Vita Brevis. Throughout the course of the day, we had three more. It's one of the hard things about the job: those 'life changing events'.

They are hard.

But, it's like I've always said, being at work reminds me how blessed I am. It reminds me not to take a single thing for granted.

Like the ability to walk out at the end of the shift.

Thank You God!

What to Say....

At one point during the day, I remember saying "OH! for the blog! (remember this!)". No such luck. I haven't a clue.

I do know I passed a torch and prayed for many. I helped make one teacher's day a little easier, and was "the best surprise ever" for another.

It was a wonderful day, and despite the monsoon that hit during school dismissal, in the words of my favorite principal....


"It's all good"

Thursdays Return

My Thursdays of Service have returned. I'm glad. I have missed them!

After my Moms in Touch group, I'll head to the school. I would guess - based on previous experience - it will be a day of sorting colors of construction paper, or pulling pages from work books!

The teachers know that there will be parents in to share in "Helping Hands Thursdays", so they set stuff out for us!

This year will be different, I can tell already. For one thing, my MMA class will take up part of that time. For another, my daughter has informed me that I am no longer welcome to eat lunch with her... the seats are reserved for her friends.

I've been waiting for this day, and took it in stride, telling her to let me know if she changes her mind. My boy, of course was WHOOPING with joy at the fact that he wouldn't have to share his mom during lunchtimes.

It's the transition year for me. Their last year at the elementary school before they head to the middle school building. Technically, they'll still be elementary school students, but the building itself runs as a middle school.

So, I wean myself from active participation. I'm not out of the picture by any means, but my days of sorting construction paper into piles of each color are numbered.

It is as it should be....