Monday, March 8, 2010

You Know My Story....

Sunday morning I left church feeling like God had been poking around in my heart. I wasn't sure exactly what He had done, and honestly wasn't sure I was ready to. Part of me wished I had time to just sit and ponder it, but the other part of me was grateful I did not. There were clothes and toys to drop off at the consignment sale.

Still, part of my attention - as much as I could allow and still drive safely - was elsewhere. I had been thinking recently about new beginnings - a point that was emphasized in our Sunday sermon. I had been thinking specifically about a time in my life, which I considered "fun" (in a worldly sort of way), but certainly not "righteous", or God-centered living. And honestly, if I look at the whole of it, it wasn't "fun" at all. Just one little bit, through the lenses of memory could be classified that way.

Driving, I sat amazed at how much my life HAS changed in the past two decades. Day to day, I don't notice it so much, but put a little greater time perspective on it and WOW. I couldn't even TRY to go back to re-living my 20's.

Yet, still I focus on that "one little bit" of fun. Inside, I alternate between wishing for one more beautiful spring night with those friends, and feeling the need to stand before God in whole-hearted repentance. Not that it was BAD - especially not by the world's view. But, from God's perspective, I was toeing the line and flirting with disaster.

But, I digress...

I turned in the clothes and the toys, and headed back toward home.

My thoughts continued to be scattered.... jumping from thought to thought: Past. Present. Then. Now. Somehow, trying to bridge the pieces together - connect the dots - try to figure out how I got to my present life.

The words of a song grabbed my full attention: "You know my name, You know my story...." I don't know what the next line really says, but in my head I heard "You love me anyway..."

The next song was lost to my ponderings. No clear thoughts, just some settling of that concept into my being.

The song that followed began and the introductory music caused my heart to skip a beat. I hadn't yet cognitively identified the song, but when the words began, and I nodded, still waiting to see which lyrics jumped out to me.

Within the chorus was the phrase, "somehow my story is a part of your plan..." I smiled. "Here I am, Lord send me. All of my life, I'll make an offering...."

Which, coincidentally, ties into the bible study that has just begun: "Living your life as a Beautiful Offering".

Ah, the God-moment I'd been missing.... past, present, future... All connected. Through Him.

1 comment:

Just me.... said...

I love this. I, too, have allowed myself to wrestle with "wasted" time that I've had in my past only to realize that my life is a children's coloring page. When I color too wildly and go out of the lines, God is still able to make a beautiful masterpiece out of it. :-)