Reaching Forward, Reaching Back

I had the honor recently of giving a massage to a pregnant woman. We had seen each other more frequently in years past, but it had been a while since we'd been together. It was such a gift to me, to be able to work with her again. It was a sweet moment too, when she started asking me about my pregnancy and my delivery.

It reminded me that we are not isolated individuals here on this planet. We are set here to love each other. To encourage each other. To walk beside each other.

When I was pregnant, I asked those who had been there before me. Now, is my opportunity to answer the questions of the first-time mom-to-be. I now look to the mothers with older children to ask my questions - and I share my experiences of my children's younger years when someone ask me.

It's how we learn. It's how we realized that we WILL live through whatever phase we're in.

I've heard it said that I should "find someone who has what [I] want and ask them how they got there". I've done that especially in my walk with God.

The times that have been especially helpful to me are the times when I'm walking through something really difficult. Without a doubt, someone inevitably appears who either has experienced the same thing, or has the ability to simply walk beside me. Someone who has struggled and allowed someone else to walk beside them.

It is an opportunity to minister to each other. To nurture, to mentor, to encourage, to support.

It is a gift. I have been fortunate to be on both ends - reaching forward and reaching back.

Finding Balance, Joy and Restoration

I had an interesting conversation with a woman the other day. We were talking of the seasons of life. Specifically, for me, comparing the time when I was in graduate school and the present. A little over a decade ago, I was working full time, going to school full time, and attempting to resuscitate a struggling relationship. It was a time of survival - of doing what needed to get done to get on to the next task at hand. There was little joy, no balance, and no time for anything restorative. There was absolutely no time for God.

Fast forward to the present. There are days when it doesn't seem like much has changed. The week before Christmas, I was operating in "deadline to deadline" mode. There was much to do, and not so much time to do it. But then, I got a little perspective. It is different. There is Joy in my life today....and I do take time for restoration and renewal. In that, there is some balance. But, I want more. I need more.

Living intentionally is one of my goals for 2009. I am a 'do-er'. I will always have several pots on the fire. This year, I want to be sure that all of the pots have a distinct purpose. I don't want to be doing, just for the sake of doing. I want my actions and activities to reflect Him and His purposes.

I also need to be intentional about having my Linda-time and my God-time. Fortunately, they are often one and the same. If I am to continue to care for and serve others this year, I must care for my self as well. I must take time to "be still and know" God. I must quiet down enough to listen. My God-cup must be filled for it to 'runneth over' to others. I need time to rest, time to pray, time to exercise, and time to simply BE with God in the stillness of my self.

The things that I do that are unnecessary - or even someone else's responsibility - I need to relinquish. Pure and simple.

"Do more!" "Be more!!" says the world. Not me. I need to do less. I need to slow down, live intentionally, and simply BE.


Help me to see, through Your eyes, the parts of my life that honor and glorify You.
Help me to let go of those things that hold me back, limit my purpose or drain me unnecessarily.
Help me to know You. Really. Truly.

Looking Forward... Looking Back....

I really enjoy this time of year... The hustle of the Christmas season has settled down, and it's nearly the New Year. The nights are long, and typically the weather is cool - both encourage me to settle in and reflect. It helps that I am introspective by nature, and I enjoy both "process" and growth. (Though, often, I enjoy them more retrospectively!)

2008 was long - and hard. It was a year of sleepless nights - which shouldn't surprise me. They say that whatever you do New Year's Eve is what you do all year long. For me it was true. The very first night of 2008, I was awakened every two hours.

My son had a friend sleeping over, and, like clockwork, every two hours, he came to my bedside. I'd settle him back in - sure it would be the last time! - and return to my bed. As I'd pull the covers back up and close my eyes, I'd hear "Pray for your friend"...whom He called by name. At first I agreed willingly. By the second (and THIRD) awakening, I said "You know... I DID. I'm tired. I'd like to SLEEP!" But then, I couldn't sleep. "... OK. I'll pray. AGAIN!"

And that's how I spent a good part of my year - being awakened... and praying.

Yet, in the midst of it all, there have been many, many blessings. Many new experiences and new beginnings. I began my interpreting. I began my blog. I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, and deepened established relationships. I was given a new church family that I love dearly. I was baptized in the creek - a very different experience from my sprinkling experience as a teen. But, as it should be: My relationship with God is very different now.

I could not ever say it enough: I am very, very blessed...beyond my wildest imaginings, I am blessed.

Yet, I imagine the New Year. I wonder what it will hold. I pray for balance. I pray for peace, and joy and love. I know that hope is with me, and pray that faith will continue to be at my side as well. Mostly, I pray that I hear Him clearly, I obey Him willingly, and I accept the gifts that He continues to send my way.

Comparing My Insides to Someone Else's Outsides

I have been thinking lately of the great wisdom that has been shared with me over the years. One of the ones I have most appreciated is "Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides". It took me a while to fully understand that one - and honestly didn't TRULY understand it, until I experienced it in reverse. Someone was comparing THEIR insides to MY outsides.

I don't even remember what the first situation was, I just remembered my complete and total surprise when someone came up to me and asked "How can you be so calm? I'm scared to death!" I looked her, amazed. "Calm? I'm freaking out here!"

Periodically, I hear it - "You're so together!" (I'm not), "You're so organized" (to a fault, but I rarely feel like I am, and yes, I DO forget things), "You're so strong" (I'm not, He is), "You're always happy" (I'm not), "I've never seen you angry" (you've just never seen it - I do get angry), "You're so patient" (with others moreso than myself, and only to a degree), "You're so brave" (not very often - when I feel brave, it's usually anger fueling that - if I'm acting courageously, I'm more likely "doing it afraid").

When I find myself comparing myself to someone else, it's usually comparing how I feel to how they look... and they ALWAYS look better than I feel! As I become aware of it, I hear myself saying "Don't compare your insides to someone else's insides!". I remind myself that we are all created with our individual set of gifts and talents - and our own struggles and weaknesses. There will always be people who will be more skilled at this or that than I am. The only thing that I can do better than anyone else is be uniquely ME.... the woman God intended me to be.

May live as the woman You have created me to be.

Moments of Gratitude - Strangers

Today, I am grateful for strangers. I am grateful for the three strangers who, all within an 18 hour period of time, found my blog by searching for the same song: By Your Side. Seeing these three brought it back to the forefront of my mind. Wasn't it only a week or so ago that I blogged about it? How quickly I forget sometimes!

But, seeing these three reminders of the song, I listened to it again (and again!). What a gift.

Frequently, I pass strangers that brighten my day. They may share a smile, a simple curtesy, or merely remind me of the blessings in my life. Often, I'm sure they don't even know how positively they have influenced my life.

I hope that in some small way I have done the same for people that I pass during the day. I'll never know for sure... but I can hope as I smile and extend curtesies to the strangers I meet in the day.

Thank you God for the strangers in my life....