Anointed Space

This title - with a completely blank body of a post - has been sitting in my "drafts" folder for oh, over a year now. It was the end of August, 2008.

I knew I wanted to write about the sacred space of the interpreting box. It's peaceful there. I feel a connection there. It used to be a little corner of the stage, but when the stage changed, so did our position. Fortunately, however, the feeling that goes with the space remains.

There are songs, too, that carry an anointing. The two often go together for me. Yes, I can hear those songs and they are still powerful, but when I am standing THERE, preparing for the lyrics to come off my hands, they touch more deeply.

I learn things. I feel things. Sometimes, during rehearsal, I just let my hands talk, with my brain somewhat detached and watching from the corner. "oh.... THAT.... yeah... well... yeah." I learn things.

My garden is similar. I sit and pull weeds, absentmindedly humming a tune. Before long the words will come forth, and I'll listen and hear.

Music, words, language, space. All set aside for God.

They are His, and through them, He teaches me.

And those I love....


Psalm 90:17

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us--yes, establish the work of our hands. NIV

Lessons of the Heart

I was talking with a friend the other night. We covered a lot of ground, but the thing that I held onto from the conversation was the difference between "head knowledge" and "heart knowledge".

Mostly, we were surprised at behavior of people who "know better".... well, "surprised", no... "know better", yes, of course. (ourselves included!)

Knowing is one thing. Accepting and living the knowledge is something entirely different. I realized at that point that when God has something to teach me, He's not teaching my head. He's teaching my heart.

Many times, it is something I already "know", but am struggling in accepting or implementing. I can will myself to do the right thing for a while, but unless my heart is aligned with His will, it will never stick. I will always revert to the alliances of my heart.

Perhaps the lyrics of Hillsong's "Hosanna" say it best:

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I go from here into Eternity"

Be near me. Teach me. Touch me. Show me. Heal me. Lead me. Love me.

(and here... Here is where I need to create and insert a little video clip which shows my favorite sign: "God-connect". Words cannot adequately explain it. It is just one of those things that must be known and understood.... by the heart!)

In the World, but not of it

I was having an email conversation with a friend of mine, who had commented about my blog entry where I spelled out the two criteria for inclusion in my life. The question she posed was "does that include people?" My first inclination was to say "yes"... with the caveat that with people, I think it's very tricky, and I have to be very clear that I am listening to God and not my own selfish desires.

I do think that there are people in my life that are there primarily to impact my perceptions and choices about how I interact with others and the world. Some drive me absolutely out of my tree, and it takes everything with me and the love of God to "respond" rather than "react". Through the years, I have noticed that many of these "here-to-drive-me-crazy" people DO IN FACT have some very important lessons to teach me - usually about an aspect of myself that I'd just as soon keep hidden in some dark corner of my heart or mind.

There are also the people who are on the other end of the spectrum. Some that I would give an eye-tooth to spend a few minutes in their presence. With them I need to be reminded that they have not hung the moon. 'Tis God who has done that.

Somewhere in the midst of that is the balance. Both extremes have much to teach me - both are important. Ideally, they both point me toward my relationship with God.

"But, how then do we impact others?" she continued. There again is the fine line of being in the world but not of it. When I am in a "good place" - when I am feeling grounded spiritually - I can interact with someone who is not, and avoid getting caught up in their drama, or drown in their storm. It's when I have the clarity to know that it is THEIR drama and THEIR storm that I am best able to walk in peacefully and leave the same way. Without the God-connect, I am liable to get caught up in their stuff, and leave feeling angry, frustrated, abused and out of control.

It's also taken some time to learn to "not throw pearls before swine". Not everyone gets included in the things nearest and dearest to my heart. My pearls have been trampled. For a long time, I'd pick them up, clean them off and throw them back out to be trampled again. Sometimes, I am a very, very slow learner. The fact that I have any pearls left is no less than the grace of God.

So, "How then do we impact others?" I aspire to LIVE my faith. It is by no means perfect, but it definitely gets better, little by little, as He continues to "stalk" me, and I quit fighting for control.

It's funny, that for so many years I tried NOT to be "different". I wanted to be "a part of", to fit in...at any cost. As I get older, and my faith matures, I DO want to be different. What the world has to offer, I'm not so much interested in (on my spiritually grounded days, that is!). I want to live in a way that people say "I want what she has...."

And, when they ask me what it is, I can answer, "Christ".

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Word of God Speak

I have got to tell you... I can barely contain myself as I sit to write this.

Wednesday evening, I spent with my interpreting mentor. We were going over scripture for the service coming up this week. Specifically, Matthew 11:28-30. It's a well-known couple of verses:

"28Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

It's beautiful in English. But, the problem then becomes, how do you SHOW it in American Sign Language. What does it MEAN? We had several translations of the bible out on the table, and were reading each one and discussing it.

When I got home, I continued the investigation - primarily for the word "yoke". I understand the whole "binding together two oxen with a wooden neck-harness, to enable them to do together the work that can't be done alone", but - do I really want to SHOW a wooden neck harness? Me and Jesus - harnessed neck to neck? No, I don't think so...

Long story a little shorter, it was very late (or very early, depending on your perspective) when I went to bed... but I had a thirst to dig a little deeper and understand a little more. One of the last things I said in an email just before I crawled into bed was "How I got here (in my spiritual journey) is a mystery to me".

I woke up Thursday morning, pretty exhausted but with a sense that "OK, here we go again. God and me in a little one-on-one, in-depth instruction time". In other words, the reprieve I have had from His active "stalking" is done. It's time to get back to work. Oh boy. Here we go. Hold on!

Thursday evening, I was due to go to a meeting - and had planned a little "mental health time", which means I had scheduled the sitter for a few extra hours, so I'd get a little breather from the responsibilities of motherhood.

The meeting was (unbeknown to me) canceled, so I had yet a little more time. I wished the beautiful spring weather we'd recently experienced had continued, but no, it was snowing. If it were warm, I'd have gone to the church to sit beneath the beautiful stand of oak trees and continue my bible investigation. (I had brought my three translations, and my current study book to pass some time)

With no other viable options of where to hang out with three open bibles, I decided to head to the church anyhow. It is really convenient, as it is less than a mile from my home. It is peaceful, and the grounds are beautiful. But, the car would be cold - I'd have to run the engine from time to time for heat.

As I pulled into the driveway - lights. "YES!!" I cried aloud! "Band rehearsal!" I'd forgotten. I gathered my bibles, study guide, unsweet tea and headed to the classroom where I'd been the night before.

I could hear the band as they practiced the songs we will sing on Sunday. As I lay my bibles out on the table, I thought, "Hmmm... maybe this would be a good time to transcribe the notes I'd written in my older bible, into my newer one". So, that was the task at hand.

Flipping through Genesis, Exodus, I underlined in the new what I had highlighted in the old. I transferred dates and notes I'd inscribed. Not too far into it, I noticed a theme. I wondered how many times I had underlined the phrase "Do not be afraid". A LOT.

The next phrase I came upon was Joshua 1:5 - "I will not fail or abandon you" OK. Got my attention! I continued to underline, copy, and transcribe. The verses that really struck me in my core, I also copied onto the sheet of notebook paper beside me.

Next for the paper: Micah 7:7 - "But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will certainly hear me" There lies my appropriate response. I will look and I will wait. My God WILL hear me.

I made it through the Old Testament and into the New. When I hit Matthew 13:11, I put my New Living Translation aside and pulled out the old King James Teaching bible I was given over a decade ago. The NLT had used the word "secrets" (of the Kingdom of Heaven). The KJ used the word "mysteries".

I came full circle to my statement from the night before - "a mystery to me". The foot note defined 'mystery' to mean "a purpose or plan hidden in the heart of God until the appointed time of Divine disclosure to man".

And that is when I knew. "Word of God Speak" - Not just an upcoming song to review for Sunday, but a plan for the evening.

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will certainly hear me." And He will speak.

I Can Only Imagine...

Some days.... some moments... are just surreal. Sunday morning, interpreting at church - during practice, especially - was that way. I was pretty sure my mentor was not going to be there - she had said that the night before... but sometimes that changes. Yet, I was peaceful about it. I knew God was there with me, so I would not be interpreting "alone".

It was a good set of music... I was enjoying the new song a lot at home, but during rehearsal, it was the others that caught my attention. I was first aware that there would be 'a moment' during the first verse of the first song. As I ".... crown(ed) Him Lord of all", I realized I was standing on my tippity tip-toes, reaching as high as I possible could to place the crown on His head. "You sure are big", I thought. As I considered the truth in that statement, I paused just long enough not to miss the second verse. "whoa..."

A few songs later - a song I really like - I Can Only Imagine. It was a beautiful arrangement - traditional, but there was something just a little different about it. I'd only gotten through the first line before I began to be drawn into it. By the time I was asking "will I dance for you, Jesus?", I had tears in my eyes. Not long after, as I signed the words "stand" and "presence" - as my two hands came "face to face" - I had to gasp for air and close my eyes.

They remained closed, and tears streamed down my cheeks, as we danced out the remainder of the song, God and I. My hands never missed a phrase, my mind never tried to cut in, and my heart will never forget. And, I can only imagine, I will have tears streaming down my face when we do meet "face to face".

~~~~~~~~~~
If you want to see this, you can see the video from the service.

Time to Breathe....

Inhale.... Exhale.....

I talk about it all the time in my yoga class. Inhale.... Exhale.... Fully, deeply. It's important. Really important. And I certainly don't do it enough. (well, I DO breathe - I just breathe too fast and too shallow...)

Now, I feel like I have some time to relax - to rest, to reflect and to breathe... fully. Deeply. Inhale.... Exhale...

I was fortunate to get a taste of it while my sister was visiting.... a few hours sitting out on the deck in the sunshine, with no "to do" list running through my head. Bliss.

If all goes as planned, it will be a day of five minute jobs, and a day to sit and simply be for a little while. An evening of fellowship and a shared meal will complete it. A beautiful transition.

A gift. This day... with time to breathe.

Thank You, God, for this day. I will be glad and rejoice in it!