The Lessons Continue

Over a month ago, the Deaf Ministry agreed to read Ephesians together. I was a little delayed in starting, but I am, of course, amused (but not surprised) at how perfectly the content of that book correlates with the lessons I am being taught right now.

I have found myself recently in situations that I anticipated would be awkward at best, perhaps with an array of fiery darts headed my way. That day, I picked up my bible, searching for some guidance. Not knowing where else to turn, I opened to Ephesians. I found it difficult to focus on the Letter itself, and started reading my notes in the margins. Notes about redeeming the time and walking in Christ-likeness. What stood out to me when I read it was, chapter 6, verse 16. Donning the Full Armor of God. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I was reminded the Shield of Faith could extinguish (not deflect, but EXTINGUISH) those fiery darts, if I should take it up. (I did my very best)

Today I picked it up and was reminded of putting off my old self, and putting on the new. I am not the woman I once was. Of that I am sure. Thinking of it isn't even comfortable. It doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore. Yet sometimes I fear I will fall back into it. I appreciate Paul's reminders, written so long ago, and applicable still to me today.

As I read, I thought back to the music I had playing during my morning run. A band called Skillet, singing "Awake and Alive". Through it, I was comforted and encouraged. By the end of the run, I felt empowered again! I'd heard over and over again the story of being "at war with the world", trying to "pull [them] into the dark". But, they had "Decided In Advance" not to sell their souls. Still, they felt weak in their faith, and felt their strength fading fast... And just like happens with me, He comes in, breathes in His new life, and they are reminded again of their faith and their decision. As I signed "I'm awake and I'm alive", the 'awake' came off my hands as "open-hearted". Oh, yeah. That.

Add to that a reminder this evening that "no matter what the obstacle, we can push through it, as long as we continue to try." My head did one of those double takes where I nearly miss the words, knowing their purpose is to teach me on a level much deeper than is merely apparent. Fortunately, it was written down, and the paper was coming with me. I can push through these obstacles, with perseverance, and "through Him who gives me strength". (What the Deaf Ministry just FINISHED reading together... Philippians.)

I am grateful that He continues to stand by me, encourage me, strengthen me, renew me - through His Word, the words and music that touch my heart, and the people He sends to walk beside me on this earth.

Why I ever doubt, I will never know...

Choices

I am reminded again about choices, and how interwoven they are to everyday life. What to wear. What to do. What to eat. Which child to wake up first....? It goes on and on. Moment after moment, choice after choice.

And then there are the big choices: Asking for help. Asking others if they would like help. Staying. Going. Listening. Forgiving.

There are choices about my perspective, and my attitudes: The way I choose to see myself - or others. The things I choose to learn. How, when and if I choose to obey God's call on any day in any moment.

There are the choices that I am often not aware of in the moment. Choices that are so ingrained that they don't seem like choices, but they are. Staying in "victim" - a choice.

Even not choosing is a choice.

I am choosing to listen and to learn, and to open my eyes and my heart to the things not merely apparent.

Lead on.....

A New Lesson Plan

I attended my first adult karate class. I am terribly excited to finally be beginning this journey. For months now, I have been waiting for the official "GO!" Taking the class required some schedule manipulations and my resignation from my yoga teaching gig. It also required a willingness on my part to change.

Finally, it's time. Driving there, I ask for God to speak clearly. I have this love/hate battle going on inside as I make that request. I long for that, and yet, I know nothing remains the same after He does speak. I have heard Him speak before, sitting at the sidelines, watching my son's karate class. I hope/fear that He will speak again as I begin this journey. Deep inside, if I'm really honest, I *know* that He will.

I've sat through many of my son's classes, so I know some of the drill. I know the "new kid" stands at the back, on the end. I know how to stand at attention and in rest stance, and I know which is appropriate at certain times.

What I didn't know is that I can do a push-up. Yes, it was a "girly" push-up. But it was a push-up. Actually, closer to thirty. Some just regular, some with a punch, some raising both hands off of the ground, some tapping the opposite shoulder.

What I didn't know is how differently it feels to recite the student creed, rather than just hearing it. Something hits deep inside saying "I AM a dedicated student..."

Bring it on, God...

"I AM a dedicated student...."

Learning Through Other's Words

I was talking with someone not long ago, and one of the things she said was that she steps back, rather than letting people get to know her too well. Later that evening, as I was in reflection mode, I thought, "Don't you feel like you're missing out on the connection of being IN relationship with others?"

That thought came back to me several times over the next few days until one day, the question got turned back to ME. The gentle voice within spoke - "Don't YOU?"

"Oooh... Uhm... Well.... no?" (I think...)

I did my quick little internal analysis: "My friends know me - REALLY know me." "There are several people I could share anything with - and have." "I am generally pretty transparent."

The searching was stopped there....

"oh..... You mean 'dating'....."

The whole new list started rattling off: "My kids are young." "I don't have time." "I've got enough on my plate." "I'm not lonely".... (and of course, the unspoken one.... the one that my friend and I share - "I don't want to be hurt again....(so I won't let you get close enough that you might) "

I sighed, turned out the light. . . and prayed. . .

"Prepare my heart.
Show me Your will
Help me to live it."

When One Teaches, Two Learn

As the moments between today and tomorrow blur, I take time to review the events for the tomorrow.

I will get to meet new students beginning their second year of the nurse practitioner program. We'll tour the unit, and begin new relationships - with each other, with patients and with the nursing staff.

We will come together, form a team and move forth. We'll share six short weeks and then, continue on in separate directions.

Some of them will linger in my memory. I hope to be able to share some of what I have learned through the years in the world of nursing. Yet, I know, when one teaches, two learn.

I will learn from them as well. It's one of the things I love about teaching: I learn from my students. Oh yeah, and I love those "light bulb moments", when suddenly, it makes sense!

Guide me as I begin another semester. May I teach as much through my actions as my words.

Be with us as we begin...

The Lens of Distortion

Not long ago, my Facebook status read: "Linda... wonders how the world became so deceived".

It was one of those moments when the absurdity of calling Fast Food, or the remote control a "convenience" hit me. And, yes, I am all about "convenience" sometimes - not so much the remote control, but for sure the microwave, the ATM and instant messaging. I have bought into much of what the world has sold, and now I am trying to untangle from it.

Multi-tasking is the norm, as is an over-booked schedule. "Me time" is considered selfish or frivolous, and the thought of just sitting around talking is "BOR-ing".... especially to the younger generation.

For me, growing up, Sundays were "family days". I hated it. Nothing to do. No friends. I couldn't even text or IM them. If I was lucky I could squeeze in a phone call. Sometimes, we had an adventure - most of the time, we had to create one, my siblings and me.

I wonder what has happened through the years. How did the priorities get all twisted up? I wonder if people realize that families are falling apart, and our attempts to "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" are for naught. Instant gratification and lack of acceptance of responsiblity for the consequences of our decisions are killing us. Literally. It's as if the lens we look through is being made fuzzier and fuzzier, rather than clearer and clearer.

Perhaps, we need a new optometrist! As I continue on my journey of being "Stalked by God", I am becoming more and more clear on many, many things in my life that need refocusing: The importance of my family. The importance of face-to-face , real-life interaction with others. Service. Gratitude. Unstuffing the schedule. Making time to be with God - to intentionally focus on Him, be with Him. Rigorous honesty. Humility. Willingness. Prayer. Time to listen and reflect.

With each shift of the lens, the image is clearer. It has to happen. I am deceiving myself if I ignore it.

May I look. May I see and hear clearly. May I stand firmly in my conviction. May my heart remain open to listen and to learn. May my focus be on You. May I follow where you lead.