Monday, September 12, 2011

Vanity, Pride and My Stubborn Self

Let me preface this post by saying that I have a "good" ankle and a "bad" ankle. The "bad" ankle I rolled several years ago, and was lucky not to end up in a cast.  It stays tied up in a corset type brace when I am doing my Martial Arts.  The "good" ankle, well... it's just that... "good".

And then last week - it began to bother me.  Just a little after my morning MMA class.  "whatever".  I put some topical something on it and took an advil (or two).  That night, it was still a little sore when I started class #2.  About midway through, I started modifying my weight distribution, determined not to quit.  Which was "fine"...  I got home and ice/heat/ice'd it.

Fast forward to Thursday.  It was still sore depending on how I put weight on my foot.  I let the instructor know I was going to attempt class, but couldn't guarantee anything.  I did get through it - with plenty of modifications - much to my dismay... I love kicking.  And I love kicking HARD.... which is when, if I look back, I think the problem started... a hard kick on the bag.

At the end of class, I got my zinger - well, my first zinger tied to this situation.  The instructor had talked about perseverance and overcoming challenges.  I nodded.  I'd shown up, suited up and had given it my best - which some would have considered over the top, if not downright foolish. 

But then he talked about doing it in ALL areas of our lives.

I immediately thought of my relationship with God.  Do I show up, suit up and give it my best, even on days when, by the worlds standards, I certainly could opt out.  *ouch*  Not so much.  Do I continue to pursue God when doing so makes my life uncomfortable.  Uhm..... again.  Not so much.

I mulled that over for a while, until He began showing me more of my self - the vain, the proud and the stubborn.

As things settled in with my "weight bearing as tolerated" self, the pain began to dissipate some - but also define it's true location.  That bone right above my ankle.  "AHHH....", I said, "... bone pain."  Drat.

It's walkable - slowly- but aches towards the end of the day - or with a lot of (slow) walking.  The kids and I did Wal*mart by foot on Saturday.  After that, I decided crutches might help ease the ache a little, by decreasing some of the activity.... but about 3 steps out from the car, BACK into Wal*mart on Sunday, there was NO WAY I was going to be swinging myself around in there.  The boot (I borrowed) doesn't alter the level of comfort enough to make the rediculousness of the boot worthwhile.

And, lets just say - it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to do *anything* around my house - except perhaps take the length of the hall to the bathroom - on crutches.  Not happening.

The good news:  It's improving.

The not so good news:  I still struggle terribly with vanity, pride and my own stubborn self.

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