Burnt Offering of Sorts

Well, the plan for retreat is coming together.....

I have picked up the kayak and I have a task to complete.

The onslaught of old thoughts and inaccurate perceptions, and even "facts" that were from a previous time that no longer hold true..... They've got to go.

I continue to remind myself that I am "new" in Christ. And certainly my life has changed dramatically in the past 15 - 20 years. I don't even think it would be possible to go back even if I wanted to.... But, there are some pieces of the past still need to be debrided out of me... apparently.

"Bury them!" someone suggested. And that is when I remembered something I had done in the past - perhaps even for the first time at The Womb House, not far from the water where I'll be paddling. I remember it being very healing at the time.

It is a funeral of sorts, but more of a cremation. The list will be created, and then it will be burnt. All the old tapes that nag at me.... sent to God in a stream of smoke. (They're harder for me to take back that way.... and certainly, if buried, I would try to find a way to dig them up again!)

All I will be left with is ashes..... And we all know what He can do with ashes...

The Future or the Past

My son was reading a book - a create-your-own-ending sort of book. So, when he got to the page where he had to choose the next move, he asked me, "Mom, which would you prefer: the past or the future?"

Very quickly, I answered.

"The past."

And then I thought for a moment. Seriously? The past? Really?

It's funny that I found myself saying that so quickly, because there's not that much of the past that I'd love to relive.... or revisit. There are a few things, yes, but not a lot. (Though, I would like to visit high school for a bit - so long as I could bring my 40-year-old wisdom with me! Without it, NO WAY!)

The future is where my dreams lie. It is where His plans for me become reality.... sort of. I think the truth of the matter is that His plans for me become reality TODAY - as I step toward Him and His calling for me. But, the future is where I will realize them.

May I keep my eyes upon You and where You are leading.

Thinking Back....

It started with the Facebook "post an retro picture" week. I knew EXACTLY which picture I needed to post. It's a nice picture... but it's so "not me".

I found it - while looking in my closet for my Myers-Briggs results - and posted it to Facebook. There are a few folks on there who knew me during those years. They were my long-haired North Carolina years. My EMS years. My searching, but not quite finding years. I do have some very good memories from that time, and some days I would never choose to relive.

I had the picture made at Glamour Shots. (pfft - another "NOT ME"!) I let them tease my hair and paint my face, but drew the line at that. They could keep their boas and crazy clothes and props.... I felt ridiculous enough as it was! But it was a gift, so I did my best to endure it.

When it was done, I returned to jeans, boots and ponytails. Much more my style.

It's fun to look back sometimes, remember where I've been. I'm grateful that I am not "not quite finding" anymore. And I am grateful to be comfortable in my own skin.

Thank You God for that....