"I can't"

I had just finished reading my friend's blog, when I went out on the mower to cut the grass.  For some reason, God uses these opportunities to speak to me - perhaps it's  because I can't quickly escape, or the task is fairly routine, or the hum of the car and mower engine are there to soothe me.... probably the first, but who knows for sure.... it's on the list of questions to ask when I get there....

So, after reading my friend's blog (which I'd highly recommend), on letting God be God, (titled Let Me Be ) and taking a few passes around the yard with the music playing, I began to recall all the times I have said "I can't" recently.

"I can't possibly do what You have asked"

"I can't possibly ask that question!"

"I can't.....I'm afraid"

"I can't....I don't know how"

"I can't....I will cry"

"I can't...."

"I can't...."

"I can't...."


And, then, very quietly, above the sound of the mower and of the music in my ears, I hear:

"I'm not asking you to.  I'm asking you to stop saying "I can't",  and let me..."

Yes, but I do.....

I have found myself, several times recently saying "I don't know...." It's always been a response to a prodding from within, or a nudging on the yoga mat.

"I don't know if I can do that."

"I don't know how it will turn out."

"I don't know if it will work."

"I don't know if I can be that brave."

"I don't know if I can start.... or stop..."

Inevitably, I hear: "Yes, but I do...."

Ah, the walk of faith.... Taking the step without knowing the path. Starting the project without knowing the final result. Daring to risk without knowing the dangers.

In the midst of the conversation, "I don't know..." seems like a very reasonable response, and a valid reason to hesitate or "decline the invitation". Yet, sitting here, writing out the fears, I laugh at myself.

Has there ever been a time where I have followed His lead and been led astray? No.

Has there ever been a task where my vision was better or grander than His? No.

Have I ever listened and dared and not been protected? Never.

Has He ever called me to a task and not provided everything I needed and more? Never.

So, what's the problem?

Remove my fear, lead me on.... May I walk in faith....

Breaking Bread and Breaking Through

And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Acts 2:42 ESV


This past Sunday was our quarterly "2:42" service. It's a more intimate time of worship, of fellowship, of teaching, of prayer, and of communion. The songs were beautiful, we prayed specifically for "laborers", and, of course, broke bread together.

I interpreted the music in ASL. Being a more casual service, acoustic guitar and violin players literally sitting ON the stage, I stood on the floor in front of it. Another woman who has been learning the language was there, sitting in front, near where we interpreters generally sit.

We have been encouraging her to raise her hands (and sign) while she is standing in the congregation - to practice. And while I do encourage her to do it, I also remember how that feels - to raise my hands for the first time. It took a while for me to surrender to the call to participate. I knew once I agreed, I would HAVE to raise my hands and let them speak. That terrified me.

I reminded her she knew the words of the chorus of one of the songs. Her eyes got a little wide, but she nodded.

And then... it happened. As we sang, "Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!...." I looked over, and there were her hands: "Praise! Praise! Praise Jesus!" I grinned from ear to ear and nodded "YES!"

"Praise! Praise! Praise Jesus!" indeed....