Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Power of the (Spoken) Truth

It has been a hard couple of days - returning from a fun, but whirlwind trip, visiting family, smack-dab into the middle of a busy week.  I'd actually planned a day for transition... but it wasn't much of a transition day, as there was much weighing me down.

I considered the choices of others - the same choices I had made when I was their age - and hoped that their outcomes would be better than mine had been.  I know (now) what the Word says... yet, we had all chosen against it... so while I hoped for the best, I wasn't very optimistic.

I considered my life and the choices I am making these days.  They are more in line with the teachings of the gospel, but undoubtedly, I fall short on a regular basis... I think about how hard it can be on any given day, with any given choice.... especially those that are counter-cultural.  And, I wonder - briefly - if it's worth the effort.  I know it is.... deep in my heart and soul, I know it is.  It is in those moments, I can almost feel Him holding me.... almost.

It's in the car, driving from patient to patient to patient, that these thoughts occupy my mind.... and I pray.  Back and forth - topic and person, concern and choice and situation - I consider, and I talk with God.

Periodically, there is a moment that deeply blesses me - the way the sun hits the newly-changing leaves, or the curmudgen old woman who smiles, whole-heartedly, and thanks me for visiting. 

Yet, there is the nagging doubt that I will choose wisely, make a difference, or get done what needs to get done.  There is concern for the state of the world - and my place in it.

As I drive, I think of a man I know, weighed down with similar concerns.  I am also reminded of a passage in Matthew 6: " not be anxious..."  When I finally get a (non-driving) moment, I send him a text to let him know he has come to my mind, with a verse, and share the scripture reference.  It's in the moments after hitting "send", that I say aloud - "Yeah, the devil is trying his best to get me, too...."

Suddenly, I can breathe more deeply.  A weight is lifted, and my perspective has shifted back into alignment.  Funny. (not).  The whole day - maybe two - as I struggled to be comfortable in my place in the world, was not a fight against flesh and blood. I simply needed to speak it.

Sitting here now, as I reflect, I am moved to tears of gratitude - for today, the thing I have wanted most in the whole wide (crazy) world, was to feel Him holding me.  (And I wasn't willing to settle for anything less.)

Perhaps I am learning.

Perhaps there is hope for me yet....


Do Not Be Anxious

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his ispan of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and our heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

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